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View Full Version : Being Called Girl.....



Rcoleman
04-25-2010, 04:29 PM
I have spent the past two days fuming over this. Yesterday at work a white woman (in her sixties) told me out-loud publicly I was being a "good girl". Since my workplace was full of other customers.. I could not "check" her since I was sure that would have made the situation much worse....

I was fuming to the point that I had to tell my supervisor. She understood my perspective of the situation.

Basically I had to tell her that being that I'm going to be 45 this year...I'm not a girl, nor a pet. Calling a grown woman "girl" is diminutive . She said that the would call the customer and talk to her that afternoon.

This particular customer is also a friend of another friend of mine, who this morning, took it upon herself to also call me a girl on our way out of church....

I do not think I'm being over-sensitive. I know the climate of this country towards people of color is going to hell as we speak.

Both of these women are in their 50's & 60's respectively...and coincidentally this just recently started happening.

Thoughts?

CinnamonBiscuit
04-25-2010, 08:15 PM
I would imagine it's the tone of voice and context used that would be the most offensive.

I'm not older, but sometimes I've been called 'girl' and took it positively, and other times the person might as well have called me a B.

Fuzziwuz
04-25-2010, 09:46 PM
....Thoughts?

It could be demeaning, a figure of speech or maybe a generational thing. It depends upon the context, what led to the remark any prior occurrances. If this occurs again, ask them to clarify. Sometimes we misinterpret what people mean and assume just because of race. One could simply extend a compliment, and we'd think insult.

~GAN~
04-26-2010, 12:26 AM
Hello! The way she said it, I wouldn't have liked it even if I was 10 yrs old. BUT when I'm on this forum and don't know the ages of everyone and if I'm close to someone and feel comfortable with them, I'll say "Hey girl!" "Girl, let me tell what happened the other day!" etc. I mean NO harm when I do that and really its out of love and feel like we can relate to one another.

I don't blame you for being upset about the lady at your job, but if it offends you otherwise, I don't see anything wrong with letting someone know that. :)

Soul Rebel
04-26-2010, 07:07 AM
I feel you. I'm not down... "girl" in that girlfriend sense of the word with my good female friends is fine. Any other usage is unacceptable to me.

Veviticus
05-21-2010, 01:49 AM
I feel you. I'm not down... "girl" in that girlfriend sense of the word with my good female friends is fine. Any other usage is unacceptable to me.

I totally agree. On this forum I too will often say girls let me tell you...or sistergurl...blah, blah, blah.

On this site I accept and say it as a form of affection, but under your circumstance and yes, coming from a white person, I would have been highly offended. She sound as if she was petting a dog!

I had a lady come into my office and constantly called me "sweetheart" as if I was stupid and had to have everything explained to me. I could hear the belittlement in her voice and see it in her attitude.

With a quickness, I respectfully but firmly informed her AGAIN of what my correct name was, and told her to please use it when she wants to address me.

I think when things like this happen you have enough sense to know when people are truly not being disrespectful and when they are.

brattilocks
06-05-2010, 09:27 PM
I haven't been called girl in a longtime. I did get called girlfriend by one of our chaplains ( I was being inappropriately territorial about seating) and I suqashed it right then and there. It might have been okay normally but we had two students in there and I did not want them to think for a minute that type of banter was acceptable at our organization. She waited for me afterward and apologized and I apologized for being territorial.

What I really hate is being called MISS. I will politely correct people and then if they keep it up I tell them you know what it is actually Dr. (or Mrs. dependending on the location).

naturallyblessed
09-13-2010, 06:20 AM
what piss me off is when they call me sweetie so i can understand how you feel in the store doctors office wherever i just dont like it and i dont have a problem with checking them on the spot and i do so i know how this can make you upset

Scribetastic
09-13-2010, 11:10 AM
what piss me off is when they call me sweetie so i can understand how you feel in the store doctors office wherever i just dont like it and i dont have a problem with checking them on the spot and i do so i know how this can make you upset
I can and do get being called "girl" in the context that it's a older white woman calling me that and not in the close friend sense. However, someone calling me "sweetie" in a different situation?

I'm curious about the context and the tone when this happened to you. Because what's key here is context and I don't know what was happening when you were called that.

naturallyblessed
09-13-2010, 02:49 PM
its about what i am being called at 50yrs old i am not someones sweetie when you are younger then me and white and a women i feel that they are adressing me as though i am a child or something and i am not they may say i dont mean it that way they thingk thats their way of being nice but to me its offensive becasue i am not their sweetie

Scribetastic
09-13-2010, 03:57 PM
its about what i am being called at 50yrs old i am not someones sweetie when you are younger then me and white and a women i feel that they are adressing me as though i am a child or something and i am not they may say i dont mean it that way they thingk thats their way of being nice but to me its offensive becasue i am not their sweetie
Okay, I think I get it a bit more.

Kurliez
09-13-2010, 11:22 PM
I feel you on the girl remark. Even though I'm in my mid twenties, I don't like being refer to as a girl. I work for everything I have, been on my own since 18, and have an education and I'm going back for more. I refuse to be refer to as a girl. In all seriousness, I rather be refer to as a lady, woman, or a b*tch than as a girl. But that's just me :)

bettycakes
09-14-2010, 12:04 AM
I know what you mean. I had a white manager that is CONSTANTLY calling me girl. At first when she said it I was really offended b/c I had never had a boss call me that. Pretty soon one of the ladies I work with had to go ahead and check her and she's toned it down since. And yes I hate being called that. Im a grown damn adult. :)

Delta007
01-12-2011, 06:40 AM
The last time I mentioned this to a friend, she said she is not offended by being called girl. Once I ask a 35 year old woman not to call a young man boy. She replied, that we play like that all the time. She kept trying to convince me that it was somehow ok. I reinforced with her to please stop calling him that. I finally told her that if he wasn't offended, I was. She hasn't said it anymore in my presence.
By the way, this is my mom's pet peeve & she will check someone on the spot.

KellyVonn
01-12-2011, 06:42 AM
Yeah, I understand that. I would have approached her and told her how I felt about it.

curlz4me
01-22-2011, 02:45 AM
Hmm, depends. If its a close personal friend, no problem.

BUT, there was a music director that acted like he was the greatest thing ever. He was very disrespectful toward everyone and especially women. One day he said something to the MEN and then "alright, my GIRLS" Excuse me. That was the end of me singing in that group.

Himmy
01-22-2011, 03:34 AM
Uhm, I don't like it either. When it comes to my chica friends no big deal. It denotes sistah hood. But when it comes to anyone else...uhhhhhhhh nuh. I haven't been called girl by anyone other then my own in a long time. But, when I was younger I didn't hesitate to put people in their place when they called me girl. Actually, I usually ignored them until they addressed me by my name. I use to embarrass my mother. She'd say, "Did you hear so and so call you?" And I'd say, "I'm sorry mama I didn't." *with a sly grin*