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View Full Version : Need a time limit...tryna be fair...



Savvyone
09-27-2010, 03:25 PM
How long would you give a relative to stay with you rent free while they get themselves together??....I say rent free because they have no job, no income and no savings, they are literally starting from ground zero and yeah with a kid to boot.

I say 6-9 months....I'm thinking that's fair and reasonable. Because they are not good money managers I'm thinking take a certain amount from them (a few hundred a month) once they start working and set it aside for them. That way when they leave they'll have some extra $$.

What do you think, what am I missing??

twix36
09-27-2010, 03:49 PM
I think you're awesome for doing this!

I think taking money from them is a great idea but don't tell them you're putting it aside for them.

Also, make sure you both come to an agreement BEFORE they move in (even if you have to put it in writing). Once a person establishes residence, it's hard to get them out. :o

Good luck.

Savvyone
09-27-2010, 03:58 PM
ha! well I only had a few days notice and you know my schedule girl so I'm getting organized now! It's my sister...she'll prolly leave after I lay down the law but so be it...I just remodeled the house from top to bottom and already had to come in late from class to a sink full of dishes...NOT!:(o)

Fuzziwuz
09-27-2010, 03:58 PM
Although you say 9, tell them 6 months. If you say 9, they'll be out within a year. Also, I wouldn't have them stay totally free... contribute something. If they get public aid, unemployment or living off of savings wherever you go.... you gotta pay something and earn their keep. Let that be a loaf of bread, soap, tissue, a small utility bill.... something, no free ride. They'll leave quicker when you're no nonsense. Also ask about plans before entering. Sometimes we're too generous and think it's not a big deal initially, until a year gone by and no plan, no contribution.... just taking up space. So set things early.

twix36
09-27-2010, 04:04 PM
ha! well I only had a few days notice and you know my schedule girl so I'm getting organized now! It's my sister...she'll prolly leave after I lay down the law but so be it...I just remodeled the house from top to bottom and already had to come in late from class to a sink full of dishes...NOT!:(o)

Ummm...that's the other thing I was going to say...have them help around the house, especially if she's not contributing financially.

Girl, I'd have me a live in maid...LOL!

LillyBBBW
09-27-2010, 04:21 PM
Bear in mind that while your relative isn't working, creditors are going to be looking for him or her like mad. Once s/he gets a job s/he is going to need to set to rights everything that has been going wrong during the time that s/he was unemployed. How you want to handle this would depend on how soon you want them out of your home. As long as they owe money to the phone company, gas company, taxes, etc. it is going to be impossible for them to open up new accounts and try to take root elsewhere so you can get them out. Taking money off the top the minute they reenter the workforce is up to you but getting rid of them will take longer as a result. Rather than hold money from them right away it may be better to encourage them to pay off creditors immediately first.

If the person has a history of being irresponsible I don't know that holding money from them is going to make much difference. Especially if the money isn't doing anything or being put to good use. They'll just spend that too once you give it to them, probably on something you don't approve of. For someone like that you may be better off saying I Want *this, this and this* from you and you have *X* amount of time to get yourself together and move out. Offer to sit down with them and help them go through their finances to build a roadmap back to financial freedom, then stick to your guns. I don't know that holding money from them sends the right message. Seems it would be better to take what you are going to take and leave the rest to their discretion. That's just my opinion.

Khalliqa
09-27-2010, 04:43 PM
Bear in mind that while your relative isn't working, creditors are going to be looking for him or her like mad. Once s/he gets a job s/he is going to need to set to rights everything that has been going wrong during the time that s/he was unemployed. How you want to handle this would depend on how soon you want them out of your home. As long as they owe money to the phone company, gas company, taxes, etc. it is going to be impossible for them to open up new accounts and try to take root elsewhere so you can get them out. Taking money off the top the minute they reenter the workforce is up to you but getting rid of them will take longer as a result. Rather than hold money from them right away it may be better to encourage them to pay off creditors immediately first.

If the person has a history of being irresponsible I don't know that holding money from them is going to make much difference. Especially if the money isn't doing anything or being put to good use. They'll just spend that too once you give it to them, probably on something you don't approve of. For someone like that you may be better off saying I Want *this, this and this* from you and you have *X* amount of time to get yourself together and move out. Offer to sit down with them and help them go through their finances to build a roadmap back to financial freedom, then stick to your guns. I don't know that holding money from them sends the right message. Seems it would be better to take what you are going to take and leave the rest to their discretion. That's just my opinion.


I totally agree with this post.. and think it was well said..:)

I'd only add that if it is possible to get past the frustration, if you're dealing with someone who is has little education or skill... aid them in improving their skills for a better job.. and if you are not.. then you can ignore my added comment...

LillyBBBW
09-27-2010, 05:30 PM
I totally agree with this post.. and think it was well said..:)

I'd only add that if it is possible to get past the frustration, if you're dealing with someone who is has little education or skill... aid them in improving their skills for a better job.. and if you are not.. then you can ignore my added comment...

Thanks so much. :)

Savvyone
09-27-2010, 07:16 PM
thanks ya'll...this has been a vicious cycle and just when I'm getting my kids out the door here she comes with MORE baggage than eva.8)...anyhoo I realize I enabled her all these years so she will be taking my whip cracking or run to greener pastures at which point her next stop (after frustrating everyone else that has tried to help her) would be a homeless shelter.

She has an assignment tonite to get all bills on paper so I can review and help her develop a game plan to tackle them...I'll let you know how it goes...previously she (and my Mom) were the "nobody can tell me nuttin" type....hopefully that has changed...sigh....

Khalliqa
09-27-2010, 08:14 PM
thanks ya'll...this has been a vicious cycle and just when I'm getting my kids out the door here she comes with MORE baggage than eva.8)...anyhoo I realize I enabled her all these years so she will be taking my whip cracking or run to greener pastures at which point her next stop (after frustrating everyone else that has tried to help her) would be a homeless shelter.

She has an assignment tonite to get all bills on paper so I can review and help her develop a game plan to tackle them...I'll let you know how it goes...previously she (and my Mom) were the "nobody can tell me nuttin" type....hopefully that has changed...sigh....

Lesson for her if she doesn't get her act together.. but is there any way to save the child from having to live in a shelter?:(

Savvyone
09-27-2010, 08:25 PM
now I wouldn't do that to my nephew...but she lived elsewhere before but would be at my house 90% of the time while I kept him and her presence was an upheaval, messing up my own kids routines, etc....so yeah this time it will be different, HAS to be....

Fuzziwuz
09-27-2010, 08:50 PM
Lesson for her if she doesn't get her act together.. but is there any way to save the child from having to live in a shelter?:(
This may be unorthodox, but maybe a shelter is what she needs. What I'm hearing: enabling, moving from place to place, "nobody can tell me nothing" mentality.... maybe hitting a low and bearing the responsibility from her child will be a wake up call. But if everyone comes to the rescue, no lesson learned... she'll will continue to do what she's accustomed.

My 2nd cousin was in a similar predicament. A young mother who over stayed her welcome at her parents home, my sisters and the last resort my mother or the shelter. She chose the shelter... lol. So the family was in uproar... !! shelter!! oh, no!.... I'm like... leave her there. The best thing for her.

Khalliqa
09-27-2010, 09:12 PM
This may be unorthodox, but maybe a shelter is what she needs. What I'm hearing: enabling, moving from place to place, "nobody can tell me nothing" mentality.... maybe hitting a low and bearing the responsibility from her child will be a wake up call. But if everyone comes to the rescue, no lesson learned... she'll will continue to do what she's accustomed.

My 2nd cousin was in a similar predicament. A young mother who over stayed her welcome at her parents home, my sisters and the last resort my mother or the shelter. She chose the shelter... lol. So the family was in uproar... !! shelter!! oh, no!.... I'm like... leave her there. The best thing for her.

Yeah.. I can understand that.. (though wouldn't it work only if the mother really cares about her child's welfare? What if the mother does not care? Shelter's are no joke.. there's a lot of drugs and violence.. at many of them.. :( ) At any rate.. hopefully someone can stay in touch some how.. just to make sure the child is okay ..