extreme [or stupid] parenting?

[PammiePC]

Has anyone seen this episode of Our America on OWN? Gosh, im watching, fully entertained by these different families and their parenting styles. There's the white, silicone valley family that sends their kids to private school and makes them work ridiculously hard, so much pressure. There's the family that practices "unschooling" - letting their kids explore their own curiosities and strengths. Both parenting types had good and bad.

What prompted me to make this post was the one black family (so far) that made me say wtf! This is the family with a drill sergeant dad who makes his 15 yo son train for two hours every morning. What is he training for? Football. What is the goal, according to the parents? For the son to be in the NFL.

GOD HELP ME! this made me so mad. All they seemed to care about was their son being a lion, beating the odds, beating everyone else, getting a good life --- through football. Lisa Ling mentioned that he had good grades, but I wish she would have touched on the topic more. The parents were obviously concerned with their son getting a football scholarship (through grades and athletic talent) which would then carry him to the NFL. This was all coming from a dad who grew up in Watts, was in a gang, left the gang life to start a family. He moved to a very slightly better neighborhood.

What if instead of training his son to be an NFLer, he trained his son to be an intellectual. He chances of becoming a professional athlete are slim. The chances of being injured before you can even get to the NFL is very high. Where will this kid be if he has a knee injury during senior year of high school and that scholarship (that he might get) goes out the window? Or when he finishes college and doesn't get drafted?

Am I crazy, or is this just absolutely frustrating and STUPID?


excuse any typos I'm on my phone.

[PammiePC]

Oh wait, a new mom just took the stupid cake.

She wants her two daughters to be stars. She's a pageant mom. "I want me own Mary Kate and Ashley"

She explained how life is determined by looks. that the prettier and skinnier girl is always going to get the job if she's as qualified as the fat or ugly one. She's spent 15k on pageants. Lisa asked if it would be better spent toward a college fund. The mom said she's thought about it, but a college fund wouldn't give HER the thrill she gets from pageants, that she wouldn't be able to say "those are my girls!"

Good god yall.

[MissChelle]

What prompted me to make this post was the one black family (so far) that made me say wtf! This is the family with a drill sergeant dad who makes his 15 yo son train for two hours every morning. What is he training for? Football. What is the goal, according to the parents? For the son to be in the NFL.

GOD HELP ME! this made me so mad. All they seemed to care about was their son being a lion, beating the odds, beating everyone else, getting a good life --- through football. Lisa Ling mentioned that he had good grades, but I wish she would have touched on the topic more. The parents were obviously concerned with their son getting a football scholarship (through grades and athletic talent) which would then carry him to the NFL. This was all coming from a dad who grew up in Watts, was in a gang, left the gang life to start a family. He moved to a very slightly better neighborhood.

What if instead of training his son to be an NFLer, he trained his son to be an intellectual. He chances of becoming a professional athlete are slim. The chances of being injured before you can even get to the NFL is very high. Where will this kid be if he has a knee injury during senior year of high school and that scholarship (that he might get) goes out the window? Or when he finishes college and doesn't get drafted?

Am I crazy, or is this just absolutely frustrating and STUPID?


excuse any typos I'm on my phone.

I'm from the country in Texas and we go HARD on our sports (specifically football). So to me this is not unheard of. Is it strict and sometimes wrong? Yes. But for many football is a way of life.

[PammiePC]

I understand football being a way of life. Any athletic person knows that training is necessary. Swimmers are typically in the pool by 5 or 6am. But that's really not the issue. Anyone can train diligently to be an athlete (if you're doing to do something, do it damn well). But the issue to me is a parent who behaves as if and teaches his son that the only way to get out of the hood or succeed in life is through that sport.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I sure am tired of black youth thinking that becoming a pro athlete or a rapper is the only way they're going to move up in life.

[kurliehead]

I understand what you're saying about pushing kids to be pro athletes as if that's the only way up, but is his schedule or his dad's attitude any different from Venus and Serena's dad's attitude or Tiger's dad? Or is his schedule any different from the Williams sisters or Dominique Dawes? Also, maybe the boy wants to do this too? Maybe?

Or is the issue is that the chosen sport is football? Would it have been better if the kid wanted to be an Olympic swimmer or skater?

[bhop13]

Or maybe the lesson in the all of the football training is about busting your azz to get the things you want. So he may not get into the NFL but he might pursue some other avenue in sports or maybe he'll be successful in whatever area he majors in. I don't see anyone saying that parents shouldn't be telling their children that they too can be President. And there's less of a chance of that happening than this kid going to the NFL. Nothing wrong with shooting for the stars and wanting better for your children.

[gigglezk]

I don't think you know much about what you're slamming.

There is a huge difference between the child who grows up to be a professional athlete whose parents trained him early versus the athlete whose parent didn't. I am not an advocate of the 3am trainings, but I've seen the results and I approve them...for the most part.

Look at the athletes out there who parents worked them hard. Aside from their sports careers they are successful business men and women.

Michael Jordan
The Williams Sisters
Troy Aikman
Tiger Woods
Deon Sanders
The Payton Brothers (though they also come from money)
Tim Tebow (though its early in his career, I believe he'll come out on top)

The list goes on, but I'm tired and can't think of them all. But you've never heard of these people being broke. No, they have their hands in everything from fashion to restaurants to real estate. They may have their scandals. But they value their money more because they've had to work from young ages to obtain it. So they manage their money right. Now let's look at those who didn't.

Dennis Rodman
Terrell Owens

Now I'm only naming these two because to me they are classic examples. They are both great players, but neither of them had the force of their parents behind them. Training, encouraging, teaching them to be the best. I've read both biographies, but I don't remember anything about hard core training like the other players I mentioned. And look where they are now. Both are broke, not working, and have baby mama issues. They lacked the structure and discipline needed to handle the sports world.

So personally, I have no bones when it comes to this kind of parenting. Because I've seen the positive results and I would much rather have a professional athlete in the family who was also business smart and contained the discipline to handle it as opposed to just a professional athlete. I've been down that road with one of my older brothers who played and then lost it all.

[FaithNPraise]

Or maybe the lesson in the all of the football training is about busting your azz to get the things you want. So he may not get into the NFL but he might pursue some other avenue in sports or maybe he'll be successful in whatever area he majors in.

You're on to something...


I am not an advocate of the 3am trainings, but I've seen the results and I approve them...for the most part.

I agree (:-) You've listed a ton of athletes but switch to the music realm and you've got Michael Jackson and Beyonce...both driven HARD by their parents but successful far beyond their wildest dreams. Yes, Joe Jackson was abusive and MJ missed out on his childhood (so I'm not advocating his plan at the cost of your child's sanity please believe :o )...but if you want to be the best it really does pay to work harder than the rest!

Now that said I do think there is a balance, and this extreme training should be for the end goal that the child wants and not the parents trying to live vicariously through their children.

[chachadiva]

Ummm...tiger parenting???

We live in a global economy. All those folks in China and India will be passing up by. I remember a few years ago, there were parenting groups pushing schools to give their children less homework.

Kids need to be taught hard work and discipline.

[inikit]

Oh wait, a new mom just took the stupid cake.

She wants her two daughters to be stars. She's a pageant mom. "I want me own Mary Kate and Ashley"

She explained how life is determined by looks. that the prettier and skinnier girl is always going to get the job if she's as qualified as the fat or ugly one. She's spent 15k on pageants. Lisa asked if it would be better spent toward a college fund. The mom said she's thought about it, but a college fund wouldn't give HER the thrill she gets from pageants, that she wouldn't be able to say "those are my girls!"

Good god yall.

I saw that episode too. All I did throughout the entire show was shake my head. Did you hear when she said that when her first born had won a pageant but the second one didn't (keep in mind she was an infant at the time) she felt that the first born was prettier than the second born? Then when she asks the judges why her youngest daughter lost to the older one, they told her "it's all about the face" THEN she starts to get it and feel bad. I sat there thinking "That's what people have been telling you from the beginning!" She needs to understand that beauty isn't everything. Most people would rather have a "ugly" and intelligent s/o than a sexy idiot any day.

[PammiePC]

^yep, saw that. The whole episode made me really agree to the idea that every parent s read up their kid in one way or another. All the different styles of parenting had some major flaw, regardless of the intention.

What really irked me with the silicone valley family was how all they seemed to care about was what their sons' lives would be like in 30 years and not now. They're always getting them ready for "the future". In a sense saying, they may not be happy now, but when they get accepted to a great private school it will pay off, and they may not be happy in priv school but it'll pay off when they get to prep school. And they may not be happy in prep but it'll be good for them when they get to an ivy league university.

I'm all about teaching kids to prepare for the future, instilling good qualities and a work ethic. But damn, does no one care about living life in the moment? How come no one is teaching their children the importance of savoring life in the now and being happy & grateful for being alive today?

[inikit]

@pammiepc ITA! From the looks of it, it looked like he was going to burnout pretty soon. He was pushed to workout everyday, he's pushed to go to football practice everyday, pushed to do homework (which is good). When does he have time to truly relax and enjoy himself and live in and for the moment instead of 30 years down the line? It makes me question whether his goal for the NFL was truly HIS goal or whether it was his parent's.

[bhop13]

The kids I know that went to play in college and/or went pro practiced everyday but they still did a lot of the things that teens do. If your goal is to go pro then you don't get there by only going to your school's practice. You're doing stuff everyday to make it happen...watching your diet, working out, staying up on your skills during the off season, etc. It's no different from the kid that wants an academic scholarship. They don't just do homework and make good grades...they are putting in work all day everyday and doing things outside of the classroom to make sure that are above the rest so that they can get that money.


I think parents teach their kids to look to the future because they know that all of that other stuff isn't going to matter when you're grown. Yeah it's good to look back and have childbood memories but those memories won't do anything for you when you're grown dealing with grown folks things. You can teach a child to wake up and be thankful for each day and to enjoy it but I think looking to the future is a more important lesson (for children).