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britt
02-18-2005, 11:16 PM
I'm a 15 year-old black girl. I go to a predominantly black highschool, but what I find so amazing is that most of the "popular" girls, have light skin and/or long NON-KINKY hair, and its best if you have both. They don't have to be all that great-looking as long as you have those 2 traits. Usually if a person has dark skin, "looks" African, they are usually deemed as ugly. WHY? :icon_headshake: Why do deem everything black as being ugly? Can anyone relate or have something to positive add. :wub:

NLight1
02-19-2005, 12:15 AM
First off, I just want to say welcome to the site sis! It is great to see more young ladies on the site :wub:

Regarding your question, yes indeed, it is sad and it hurts me that young kids have been passed on this ignorance from adults, who still have issues. Unfortunately, this goes way back sis, my mom has told me stories about the "brown paper bag test." If you were the color of a brown paper bag or lighter, you were considered beautiful, otherwise, you weren't. And we all know that is stupid. All I can say young sis and ignore the ignorance being displayed at your school. Know that black people come in many beautiful hues and no color is better or worse than the other. Black is beautiful period. Keep your head up and continue loving and respecting yourself.

Look forward to seeing more of you on the site :P

cmarie75
02-19-2005, 12:52 AM
Originally posted by britt@Feb 18 2005, 07:16 PM
I'm a 15 year-old black girl. I go to a predominantly black highschool, but what I find so amazing is that most of the "popular" girls, have light skin and/or long NON-KINKY hair, and its best if you have both. They don't have to be all that great-looking as long as you have those 2 traits. Usually if a person has dark skin, "looks" African, they are usually deemed as ugly. WHY? :icon_headshake: Why do deem everything black as being ugly? Can anyone relate or have something to positive add. :wub:

724353


I can relate to part of what you said. I attended a predominantly white school where almost all of the black guys had to have a white girlfriend. When I would be upset at this my mom would remind me that I was a child of God and "He don't make no junk". There will always be people in our own race that don't recognize our unique natural beauty. It is you who needs to keep your head held high and continue being real no matter what others say. Your attitude will define what is "popular". Those in school who stood out and did not conform are those who I most remember.

subbrock
02-21-2005, 01:34 AM
unfortunately that seems to be the mindset alot of people have. and it goes both ways. my boyfriend is constantly saying that i dont like him because he is "skinny, black, and nasty and has nappy hair". which is not true! i love him regardless of how he looks. but i must admit i do love him partially because of how he looks. ive dated lightskinned guys with silky or curly hair (they were bi racial) and it seems like all they can talk about is how "we're going to make some pretty babies..."

from personal experience, it seems like you can embrace the myth that the lighter the better and the less nappy the hair, the better, or you can reject it. i dont think im any better than anyone because of the way i look. and i dont think you should feel any worse because of the way you look.

do you really want to be friends/date people who judge people based on their looks versus their personality? probably not. you can do better! PM me if you ever want to talk about anything. :)

growunatty
02-21-2005, 03:45 AM
PEACE

for the sake of your sanity please
try not to deal with popularity contests.
those are always based in shallow nonsense
such as the things you described.
find your a-alikes and stick with them.
i know it's disheartening that black people think this way.
when you can, civilly challange your peers on their views
through out my school career from elementary through college
i was never afraid to have my point of view
and was never afraid to challenge others on theirs.
healthy discourse between kids is needed concerning these issues.
people get defensive, be prepared for that
but at the same time there are some who will take
what you say as a learning experience and grow from it.
don't come at people like oh god you're dumb and brainwashed for thinking that...'cause they're not gonna want to hear all that or you from that point.

just ask questions.
challenge their answers.
i find that the phrase "that's sad" always sparks people.
they'll ask well how is that sad???? and from there you can explain yourself.

peace

Denny
02-21-2005, 11:29 AM
Originally posted by britt@Feb 19 2005, 12:16 AM
I'm a 15 year-old black girl. I go to a predominantly black highschool, but what I find so amazing is that most of the "popular" girls, have light skin and/or long NON-KINKY hair, and its best if you have both. They don't have to be all that great-looking as long as you have those 2 traits. Usually if a person has dark skin, "looks" African, they are usually deemed as ugly. WHY? :icon_headshake: Why do deem everything black as being ugly? Can anyone relate or have something to positive add. :wub:

724353


I can relate to your experience, I went to an all black school in the 80's and was considered too black by the boys, this made me feel I was unattractive and made me very defensive. If a boy did ever pay attention to me I would run his tail cos why would he like me? I did not get out of this mindset till I went to college that was multiracial and made friends with boys who did not have that stupid attitude. Now I am in my 30's but I did not appreciate my beautful self until my 20s, so girl do not be like me and let those ignorant fools define you for years.
Some parents and society are still reinforcing these light, flowing hair stereotypes for black girls you have to be mentally strong to rise above it.

CatSuga
02-21-2005, 12:49 PM
I love blackchat.co.uk
They always have interesting views..... :icon_headshake:

"Many dark-skinned AfroAmericans invite negativity to themselves because of their less than respectable behavior due to a life of low self-esteem.
If you look at the prisons and jails of America, most of the AfroAmericans...especially the women...are dark skinned and have a bad disposition toward life while most of the elite AfroAmerican social clubs and professionals organizations are filled with light-skinned mulato looking blacks.
I've noticed that most very dark AfroAmerican women are either very clean and compulsively neat and self-conciouse....or totaly give up on themselves and let their appearance and behavior go.
Usually when I see a very dark complexioned black person with a pleasant personality, neat appearance, and in a good respected career....I can almost always count on him/her to be from Africa or the West Indies.
Why?
Because they've grown up seeing very dark people in respectable positions, successful families, and with high self-esteem so they have better examples to model themselves after."

I believe that after awhile the internet will make you crazy. I have NEVER heard of this. Maybe I live in a magical bubble or some ish but most successful blacks I know are darkskinned.

ScoobyGurl
02-21-2005, 03:43 PM
Originally posted by britt@Feb 18 2005, 07:16 PM
I'm a 15 year-old black girl. I go to a predominantly black highschool, but what I find so amazing is that most of the "popular" girls, have light skin and/or long NON-KINKY hair, and its best if you have both. They don't have to be all that great-looking as long as you have those 2 traits. Usually if a person has dark skin, "looks" African, they are usually deemed as ugly. WHY? :icon_headshake: Why do deem everything black as being ugly? Can anyone relate or have something to positive add. :wub:

724353


Hi Britt!http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/happy/3/happy40.gif

First off, welcome to the board! As far as the light skin-straight hair thing goes, I think that it is probably a BIG for people in high school. I went to an all girls hs that was multicultural so I didn't deal with the same thing. It's such a shallow thing to focus on and I think that people definitely grow out of that thinking as they get older. Also, that thinking might be a product of upbrining. If you come from a family that consciously or subconsciously promotes lighter is better then you'll think that too. Also, the media is not helpful at all in this situation. A few teens will pick up on this but most don't and in fact I'm sure that quite a few teens look to media to determine what is acceptable. As long as you know that black is beautiful do your thang and be a trendsetter. :)

ScoobyGurl
02-21-2005, 03:45 PM
Originally posted by CatSuga@Feb 21 2005, 08:49 AM
I love blackchat.co.uk
They always have interesting views..... :icon_headshake:

"Many dark-skinned AfroAmericans invite negativity to themselves because of their less than respectable behavior due to a life of low self-esteem.
If you look at the prisons and jails of America, most of the AfroAmericans...especially the women...are dark skinned and have a bad disposition toward life while most of the elite AfroAmerican social clubs and professionals organizations are filled with light-skinned mulato looking blacks.
I've noticed that most very dark AfroAmerican women are either very clean and compulsively neat and self-conciouse....or totaly give up on themselves and let their appearance and behavior go.
Usually when I see a very dark complexioned black person with a pleasant personality, neat appearance, and in a good respected career....I can almost always count on him/her to be from Africa or the West Indies.
Why?
Because they've grown up seeing very dark people in respectable positions, successful families, and with high self-esteem so they have better examples to model themselves after."

727215


What planet do they live on? :rolleyes: :icon_headshake:

rozlips
02-21-2005, 03:59 PM
Maybe I live in a magical bubble or some ish but most successful blacks I know are darkskinned.

Especially the women. (Outside of entertainment, of course.) I've noticed it to the point that I've wondered if maybe the stigma attached to being ds has pushed them to greater levels of achievement. And no, I'm not dissing ls women, I just find it to be a curiosity that's all.

vinny_46
02-22-2005, 06:36 PM
Where I'm from, the color didn't matter, or maybe it was in reverse.

The most obnoxious (weaved-up, straight haired) girls were the most popular--or feared. :lol: And unless you were down with them, and especially if you were light-skinned, you were trying to be white.

vinny_46
02-22-2005, 06:39 PM
Originally posted by CatSuga@Feb 21 2005, 05:49 AM

"Many dark-skinned AfroAmericans invite negativity to themselves because of their less than respectable behavior due to a life of low self-esteem.
If you look at the prisons and jails of America, most of the AfroAmericans...especially the women...are dark skinned and have a bad disposition toward life while most of the elite AfroAmerican social clubs and professionals organizations are filled with light-skinned mulato looking blacks.
I've noticed that most very dark AfroAmerican women are either very clean and compulsively neat and self-conciouse....or totaly give up on themselves and let their appearance and behavior go.
Usually when I see a very dark complexioned black person with a pleasant personality, neat appearance, and in a good respected career...."


727215


Whatever, I certainly don't disagree with any of this, offensive or no. But I also don't think sweeping generalizations are accurate.
:dunno:

Lexxe
02-23-2005, 03:13 AM
Hi Britt. I can't help but be curious... who is the white-looking girl with the straight blond hair in your avatar?

britt
02-24-2005, 02:03 AM
Originally posted by Lexxe@Feb 22 2005, 11:13 PM
Hi Britt. I can't help but be curious... who is the white-looking girl with the straight blond hair in your avatar?

729991


First......I think you're going overboard, :doh I never saw her "Straight blond hair" as being hair anyways, I thought it was a orange& black blanket over her head. No, I don't think she "white-looking", if it was I wouldn't chose becuz it isn't representative of me.

Lexxe
02-24-2005, 03:11 AM
Originally posted by britt@Feb 23 2005, 10:03 PM
First......I think you're going overboard, :doh I never saw her "Straight blond hair" as being hair anyways, I thought it was a orange& black blanket over her head. No, I don't think she "white-looking", if it was I wouldn't chose becuz it isn't representative of me.

731318


Hmm... all I did was ask a question and already I'm "going overboard..." I asked because I do not know who that person is, whether it's a famous animated character or a drawing of you or an anonymous av that looks like you or what. I didn't want to sit around writing something out that didn't apply. I still don't know what prompted your choice. But when I look at it, I see a blond- (or red-) haired person with a dark hood on. And while we can discuss whether or not she looks white, she certainly is not dark-skinned or African-featured and she does not have kinky hair.

I think a lot of people don't even realize they are valuing the light over the dark (plenty do, of course, but plenty don't). And I think one way of slowing this trend is to make a point of valuing what we want to see other people value. Make a point of complimenting dark-skinned friends, and don't let others put them down in your presence. It's only a small step, but it's such a deep problem with such a long history that it would be impossible to find an easy answer. Other posters gave you good advice, and maybe you will get some more responses too.

ScoobyGurl
02-24-2005, 10:29 AM
Originally posted by britt@Feb 23 2005, 10:03 PM
First......I think you're going overboard, :doh I never saw her "Straight blond hair" as being hair anyways, I thought it was a orange& black blanket over her head. No, I don't think she "white-looking", if it was I wouldn't chose becuz it isn't representative of me.

731318


She was probably just making a point about how we subconsciously look at light skin. I don't think she was trying to be offensive. Is your avatar from the Nappturality site? Nappturality, ironically, doesn't really have any avatar with napptural sistahs. :dunno:

All c-in
02-24-2005, 10:00 PM
Originally posted by britt@Feb 18 2005, 07:16 PM
I'm a 15 year-old black girl. I go to a predominantly black highschool, but what I find so amazing is that most of the "popular" girls, have light skin and/or long NON-KINKY hair, and its best if you have both. They don't have to be all that great-looking as long as you have those 2 traits. Usually if a person has dark skin, "looks" African, they are usually deemed as ugly. WHY? :icon_headshake: Why do deem everything black as being ugly? Can anyone relate or have something to positive add. :wub:

724353
In my experience this is soooo true! And it is so very sad. But who's to blame :dunno: No one we can complain to for a change. But the media is keeping this form of stereotypical"beauty" going. All I can say is forget the idiots that can't see you for what you are and that is a Beautiful AA young Lady And as long as you remember that you'll be aaiight. Like others have said be a trend setter and love yourself. :D

Lexxe
02-24-2005, 11:08 PM
Originally posted by ScoobyGurl@Feb 24 2005, 06:29 AM
She was probably just making a point about how we subconsciously look at light skin. I don't think she was trying to be offensive. Is your avatar from the Nappturality site? Nappturality, ironically, doesn't really have any avatar with napptural sistahs. :dunno:

731728



Exactly. But I didn't want to write a bunch of stuff about that until I found out more... I really should have just said "where did you get your avatar" or "why did you choose that one?" or something less judgemental sounding... but yes, that was my point.

Beautifulnappi
02-27-2005, 04:11 AM
*sigh* battle of the skin-tones......
There's always been an issue with this among black people. I hate how much skin-tone matters when it comes to what people think of a person. I see the problem everyday on tv and in magazines.
I'm light-skinned, and in middle and highschool I wasn't popular at all, but a lot of crap was aimed at me because of my skin tone anyways. A lot of stuff seems to be slung at girls who are light-skinned, supposedly because they gain some sort of unearned respect due to skin tone. I don't feel like I am anymore accepted than another person of any other skin tone, but this is most likely because I've never seen it from any other perspective.
But I believe that a lot of things are tied to skin-tone period. In my opinion, darker skin tones are beautiful and unique, and a lot of heritage comes with those skin tones that I feel left out of. People of darker skin tones seem to be more accepted by our race as a whole than people of lighter skin tones sometimes are. That is how I am made to feel by my peers anyways; Saying things like: "You don't understand because you're light skinned", and "During slavery times you wouldn't have suffered the same hardships", or "Both your parents probably aren't even black".
Light-skinned people are seen as less black, and to some crazy people, that's a good thing, but when you're trying to be identified with your own race, it's real messed up.
Hope this post isn't too off topic or anything, and I'm not trying to contradict the original post...I'm just expanding on the fact that skin tone period is a big factor in everything, and undeserved perks and persecution come from both ends of the spectrum.

britt
02-27-2005, 09:36 PM
Wow, I've never heard it from that point of view, :2cents:

nu-curl
03-04-2005, 08:00 PM
Originally posted by britt@Feb 18 2005, 07:16 PM
I'm a 15 year-old black girl. I go to a predominantly black highschool, but what I find so amazing is that most of the "popular" girls, have light skin and/or long NON-KINKY hair, and its best if you have both. They don't have to be all that great-looking as long as you have those 2 traits. Usually if a person has dark skin, "looks" African, they are usually deemed as ugly. WHY? :icon_headshake: Why do deem everything black as being ugly? Can anyone relate or have something to positive add. :wub:

724353


Hello Britt!
I had a completely different experience while in highschool. I am dark-skinned, and I hung with the popular girls at my highschool. All of the guys I've ever dated, have been light-skinned. I didn't start hearing things a bout this until I went into college- this skin complex thing. All I can say is know you're beautiful, and know you're wonderfully made. That will shine through, and individuals attracted to that will come.

HTH.

nu-curl

Blackstar
03-05-2005, 06:29 PM
Originally posted by CatSuga@Feb 21 2005, 02:49 PM
I love blackchat.co.uk
They always have interesting views..... :icon_headshake:

"Many dark-skinned AfroAmericans invite negativity to themselves because of their less than respectable behavior due to a life of low self-esteem.
If you look at the prisons and jails of America, most of the AfroAmericans...especially the women...are dark skinned and have a bad disposition toward life while most of the elite AfroAmerican social clubs and professionals organizations are filled with light-skinned mulato looking blacks.
I've noticed that most very dark AfroAmerican women are either very clean and compulsively neat and self-conciouse....or totaly give up on themselves and let their appearance and behavior go.
Usually when I see a very dark complexioned black person with a pleasant personality, neat appearance, and in a good respected career....I can almost always count on him/her to be from Africa or the West Indies.
Why?
Because they've grown up seeing very dark people in respectable positions, successful families, and with high self-esteem so they have better examples to model themselves after."

I believe that after awhile the internet will make you crazy. I have NEVER heard of this. Maybe I live in a magical bubble or some ish but most successful blacks I know are darkskinned.

727215


lawdy lawdy lawd lawd :huh: :doh folk are C-R-A-Z-Y

Blackstar
03-05-2005, 06:37 PM
went to high school in nigeria, and for a while the battle of the skin tone rained supreme.

someone got rich importing bleaching creams to us during the colonial years. suddenly rich dark skin was seen as sth to be ashamed off. thankfully this crazy trend died off, when the sun combined with the bleaching acids gave the silly women who'd bought them skin cancer.

i was back in nigeria two years ago, and i think overall must of the nigerian men appreciated dark skin girls. but u know what some black men are like. place a white woman in the room and u know what happens.

but at high school - was that ever an issue?

gosh it was so long ago i can't even remember.

nope, skin tone didn't make u popular. having stylish clothes and being ahem 'popular' with the boys ;) made u popular.

ignore the haters. hold your chin up. you are beautiful. popularity is just a fancy word for spineless, people-pleasing.