PDA

View Full Version : When No Race Wants You



litebrown
02-19-2005, 06:09 PM
I'm an adult now but growing up was hard. Up until the age a ten i was raised in a prodominatly black neighborhood, then moved to a white one. almost all thru school i was the only black child attending. Personally i dont believe a person can talk white or black, but you do pick up a way a speach by your surroundings. So i was concider the liteskin girl who was trying to act white, by the friends i orginally grew up with. And i found it hard for me to make any black friends. Where i went to school there were many racist(not all of course) and found it hard to make white friends because of my skin color. I dont find this as i problem i face today but i fear for my daughter who is approaching school age. Has anyone else face such a situation as this

litebrown

morena23
02-19-2005, 07:28 PM
Originally posted by litebrown@Feb 19 2005, 11:09 AM
I'm an adult now but growing up was hard. Up until the age a ten i was raised in a prodominatly black neighborhood, then moved to a white one. almost all thru school i was the only black child attending. Personally i dont believe a person can talk white or black, but you do pick up a way a speach by your surroundings. So i was concider the liteskin girl who was trying to act white, by the friends i orginally grew up with. And i found it hard for me to make any black friends. Where i went to school there were many racist(not all of course) and found it hard to make white friends because of my skin color. I dont find this as i problem i face today but i fear for my daughter who is approaching school age. Has anyone else face such a situation as this

litebrown

725219


Oh, sweety. I remember growing up, my best friend was a little white boy named Mark. I was always brought up to look at everyone the same, and to not speak broken English, you know, what a lot of people consider to "talk White" <_< . I was raised in a very mixed neighborhood, and there was never any racism. Everybody loved everybody. It was beautiful *goes away to reminisce*

I tell you what, when I moved to Indiana, it was a whole different story. I was considered stuck up because I didn&#39;t too much hang out with the Black kids, as far as school went. I was a "nerd", and most of the other nerds (or people who actually took school seriously), sadly were white. I was looked down on like that until my junior year when I got into a fight and beat the crap out of this chick and everybody saw that I could get "ghetto" when it was time to. I thought this was so ignorant. Why is it considered "White" to have good grades, to speak proper English, or to avoid confrontation. To me, this says that a lot of Black people think that only White people can speak well, or be good in school. I was not brought up to think like that. I was brought up to believe that anything Tommy McWhite could do, Jada could do better, you know?

You do you. Don&#39;t change to conform to what anyone else thinks you should be, alright?

lalapixie
02-20-2005, 12:03 AM
im still having issues with this i was raised in a texas suburb that was predominantly white up until middle school i was friends with everybody but had my circle of sistas but didnt really think that much about divisions then in middle school i noticed i was being judged and people where trying to figure me out because of my speech taste in clothes and music etc and i felt rejected on both sides i viewed myself as a hippie not someone ashamed to be black or trying to be white but as the years went on i found other races understood me more and now my best friends are a white gay male and a vietnemese girl i do have black friends but i feel like most dislike me as soon as i open my mouth plus it doesnt help that im pretty shy and "artsy" so im viewed as being snobby i do listen to rock music but i really dig underground hip hop jazz reggae etc equally and most of my boyfriends have been white not because i dont want a black boyfriend but most dont feel comfortable around me i feel really alone sometimes especially at work i always have trouble fitting in with everyone and try to be down but i feel fake cause im not from the hood and its like you have to know the rules to be in the black girl club i have made two good black girlfriends since moving to new york but i still feel isolated from my culture most of the time or like i cant just be myself i feel like this issue will never be resolved

Hajirah
02-20-2005, 12:55 PM
It is a balance. My kids have grown up as little suburban kids,which seems to show when we get around my people. :D The funny thing is I grow up very militant(black power)and I grow up in the streets of Long Beach.(long story another time),but the one thing I can say growing up in California is that the culture is so diverse that you had to know how to balance it. This is what my kids where missing and it had to be taught. When we went to other realtives house that were less fortunate then us..my kids would sometime give looks..like they were uncomfortable. Like standing at the door like they were ready to make a break for it any second. I had to school them :Angry_boese008: on how to behave, and proper manners and ettiuqutte that we have with one another. You may have to eat with a salad fork one minute..but you may have to drink out of a mason jar the next. :D Get comfortable with who you are and with your different cultures,one is white Americas culture which,black, hispanic,or Asian we all have to share and one is your true grass roots culture

subbrock
02-21-2005, 01:06 AM
count me in as someone who knows what its like!

i was raised in michigan, in a white neighborhood, with upper middle class professional parents. my best friends were 3 white girls. needless to say i got the whole "lightskinned girl who acts/talks white label." and whenever i heard that it confused me because i wasnt "acting" any kind of way. my parents talk the same way as i do, dress the same way, and so i couldnt figure out how i was somehow a "traitor" to the black race. all the black kids i knew would always harass me about it and ask me if i was mixed and asked me about my hair and a bunch of other stuff.

by the time i reached high school i was scared of black people. i figured they all hated me for some odd reason and that none were "like" me.
i moved to north carolina my senior year in high school and it was kind of hard for me because i wanted to be friends with the white kids, because we had so much in common, but they wanted nothing to do with me. and all of the hispanic and black kids would try to befriend me but i was like an outcast with them because i didnt know anything about black culture. by the end of the year, i came out of my shell and discovered that not all black people out there are like the one&#39;s who ive had bad experiences with. i had friends of every race. and i still do have friends of every race.

i think one thing that you can teach your daughter, and what might help other people in the same situation, is to learn about other cultures. i didnt know anything about black culture. but when i took the time to learn about it, i also found out why people felt the way they did about the way i look, carry myself, act, etc. i love culture so ive immersed myself in latino culture, various religions, lifestyles, etc etc. not only is it educational but it helps give you a look at why people are the way they are. good luck.

NigerianDiva
02-22-2005, 11:46 PM
I&#39;m experiencing all of that now!!

Right now i live in Irvine, California which is like 40% asian and 50% white and about 1% black. At the school that i go to is very divided up, the white people usually only talk to white people and the same usually goes for asians. That leaves all the black people (less than 20 our of 2200 student) left to wander. Most of the black people try to put up this front and act "black&#39; or "ghetto" when they have been living in Irvine most of their lives just like me. Since I refuse to act like that i dont have all these white people, in a sense*, worshipping me or have other black ppl try to approach me.

Since i seem too white washed and too smart, the black people at my school seem to have something against me, and act as if i&#39;m some sort of race traitor. They refuse to accept me while the white people and asians dont want to approach me because i&#39;m black or because i&#39;m not like the cool "ghetto" black people that they see all the time on BET rapcity or wutever. :dunno:

Its crazy not being excepted by your own race, piers, or just by people in general. I just try to keep an open mind and refuse to allow the racist and ignorent whites, blacks, asians, hispanics, and others get to me; however, i wont allow them to step all over too.

dancing_the_dream
02-23-2005, 11:51 AM
Originally posted by litebrown@Feb 19 2005, 07:09 PM
I&#39;m an adult now but growing up was hard. Up until the age a ten i was raised in a prodominatly black neighborhood, then moved to a white one. almost all thru school i was the only black child attending. Personally i dont believe a person can talk white or black, but you do pick up a way a speach by your surroundings. So i was concider the liteskin girl who was trying to act white, by the friends i orginally grew up with. And i found it hard for me to make any black friends. Where i went to school there were many racist(not all of course) and found it hard to make white friends because of my skin color. I dont find this as i problem i face today but i fear for my daughter who is approaching school age. Has anyone else face such a situation as this

litebrown

725219


I went through exactly the same thing , I moved from a black area to a predominantly white area when I was 7 years old. I ended up going to high school where I was the only black girl pretty much. People that used to be my friends (blacks) called me a "sellout" and they used to say "why do u talk white" I felt like I really didnt fit in anywhere and to this day it still affects me but I have learnt to accept myself and not fight for acceptance from elsewhere. I have my circle of friends both black and white who understand me now. However I do have fears for my kids when I have them when they reach the age of school attendance

ChocoMom
02-24-2005, 09:45 AM
I went through the same thing. I was from a predominantly black neighborhood, but was in AP classes with all whites. I have always felt like a stranger around black women. I almost went to an HBUC to immerse myself, but then got scared. What if I was surrounded by thousands of black people and they still didn&#39;t like me? Now that I&#39;m grown, I live in a predominantly white suburb and have a mixed group of friends, my best friend is a white woman I met in college. I used to feel very torn and uncomfortable back then, but now I&#39;m just grateful to have good friends regardless of their skin color.

ScoobyGurl
02-24-2005, 10:24 AM
<span style='color:blue'>I have grown up in the same predominately black neighborhood all my life. I still live here now. As a little girl and adolescene I was always teased for "talking white", being good in school, reading all the time, not being able to jump rope, liking "white people&#39;s sports" like figure skating, and listening to "white people&#39;s music" like classical and pop. They pretty much teased me for being a "nerd." It use to saden me that I didn&#39;t really have too many good friends in my neighborhood. Even my best friend in elementary and middle school would sometimes tease me b/c of my interests. I went to a multicultural hs met so many people who shared my interests and were "smart" like me, including some black students. My best friend is a black woman that I met in hs. I just want to say be yourself b/c real friends whether black, white, Asian, Latino, or Indian (I had them all in hs :) ) accept you for who you are. </span>

jolie76
02-24-2005, 01:55 PM
I can really relate to litebrown&#39;s post. I grew up attending predominantly white (and jewish) schools (elementary -> university). I had the same problem trying to form a circle of friends that could accept me for who I am. I ended up having a groupof friends that all felt excluded from their respective stereotypes. I ended up with a hodgepodge of friends of all ethnicities. The best part is that we got the chance to share who we were without having to conform to pre-determined ethnic cues. I moved from California to Lousiana five years ago and had the shock of my life. I was raised to get along with people regardless of ethnicity or religion, but here in Louisiana you HAVE to pick a camp(black or white). I&#39;m not accepted by the general white population, but I also feel estranged from a Southern black culture that has a deep-seated (and understandable) distrust of white people. I guess my California survival skills kicked in, because now my social circle is almost entirely composed of Latinos. Thank God I bothered to learn spanish. :D

I have a five year old daughter and she attends private school where the population is mostly white and very upper-middle class. Our family is neither. My daughter has experienced rejection for being black and/or poor: not invited to birthday parties or play dates, condescending remarks to her (and me)... I don&#39;t think she understands the reasons, but she feels the isolation. In response, I have tried to create a peer group that feels comfortable. I&#39;ve gone outside my own social circle to find children of all backgrounds that share her interests, like swimming, art, dance. I make a point to keep in contact with the parents of children with whom my daughter forms a friendship. It&#39;s hard work. I don&#39;t always feel an instant liking for the parents, but it&#39;s not about me making friends(as I constantly remind myself :icon_headshake: Now she has friends who are white/black/latino/indian/asian and they have bonds that are not based on ethnicity but on a a love for swimming, painting, or dancing. I&#39;m trying to teach her that friends should be about acceptance of an individual (not some generic definition of their ethnicity).

Good Luck Litebrown. I hope some of what I said helps. I advise you to use your own experiences and lessons learned to guide you daughter through some of her pitfalls. That&#39;s the best we can do as parents.

anabwi
02-27-2005, 04:34 PM
My mom used to say, "we all have the same brown doo-doo !!". You might say what does that have to do with this topic? Well, everything for me !! I grew up in the &#39;hood with full intentions of attending the same HBCU as my parents, but decided to go to predominantly white university at the last minute to expand my horizons. Mama said to prepare to hear the "N" word, which I did the 2nd day arriving on campus. But I looked at the white girl and started laughing, because I was thinking, "she has brown doo-doo too." She walked away, looking at me like I was crazy, but I diffused a possibly volatile situation if I had gotten "ghetto" on her. I&#39;ve lived in a predominantly white neighborhood for 20 years, one son is totally Tommy Hilfiger, "white talkin&#39;", the other is totally rap-hip-hop slang, pants hanging off his butt; go figure !! But I told them the brown doo-doo saying too and both said it&#39;s helped them a lot !!
Be who you are Litebrown and teach your daughter the same and everything will fall into place. It might be hard, but hard toughens you !! :)

MizBrowniMD
02-27-2005, 07:32 PM
Southerner turned Westerner who returned South to an HBCU for college reporting in here!!

I grew up in rural Mississippi until I was 11, raised primarily by my grandparents. My grandfather raised his children (and me too) to not "talk flat" like many of the Black people I was surrounded by and not to have the "twang" like the White people (consequently, to this day, I am virtually accentless; however I do pronounce "iron" like "eyer&#39;rn" :lol: ). What&#39;s a girl &#39;posed to do?

CODE SWITCH! :D

As a child, my grandparents hated it when I did that. My grandmother would always say "Stop that flat talk!" Now they are used to it and accept it as part of me. That was :offtopic: (and another thread)....but now I am back on.
Nonetheless, the Black kids in MS thought I was "acting White" because I could read at least 3 grade levels above my actual grade while in elementary school, I began my training in classical piano when I was 7, I did not like soap operas (I was not allowed to watch them), when it came to Mozart I had rhythm but when it came to dance it was a though my cerebellum was malfunctioning, the list goes on. I was even beaten up over the aforementioned things, until I learned to fight back in 6th grade and beat this girl&#39;s @ss :Cool_049: The White kids were cool right until we started adolescence and then race became an issue.
Thankfully, I was prepping to leave for the W. Coast at that point. In CA, my friends were all races (it was at that point, my world went from "Black and White to color" ;) ). But it was not easy starting off there either. There was conflict between Blacks and Asians at my junior high so the rural MS race relations scenario played itself yet again in junior high...it got so bad due to gang involvement, my mom eventually had me transfered to another junior high.
Fast forward to high school. Different set of friends, same trend. Predominantly White parochial high school with a handful of Black folks. The non-Black folks gravitated toward me because I "was not the typical Black girl" and "broke all sterotypes [they] ever had." <_< The stuff in quotes, I was actually told... Mothasuckas are BOLD, I tell ya! The Black folks thought I was weird...I dressed "earthy" (now what people call the Erika Badu-look) and did not have a relaxer at that point:Cool_049:, listened to classical, rock, and jazz (from Ellington to Benoit) music, played in the string orchestra, was fairly quiet/shy, loved hanging out on Haight-Ashbury and Telegraph Ave in Berkeley with a passion, and was all about my academics...no athletics for me! Y&#39;all get the picture. But the Black folks did not ostracize me...that was a relief!
Fast forward to 1999...I go to an HBCU in Louisiana. Like another poster said, I was spazzing out because I did not know how all my sistas and brothas would receive me. :unsure: But I figured if I got to isolated. I could always hop a streetcar to Tulane or Loyola. :rolleyes: I was spazzing out for nothing. Contrary to what I expected, I spend more out-of-class time on my home campus than I did at the other campuses. I also found my niche on my on university campus with the W. African students (some of them initially thought one or both of my parents were Nigerian or Ghanaian , was disappointed when they found out otherwise, but still remained friends with me).

SO....*whew* My experience in a nutshell.

swingbolder
02-27-2005, 08:49 PM
I just wanted to say to the OP and to anyone else who is feeling like a racial outcast: Don&#39;t worry, these issues will resolve themselves once you grow up and get out in the world. I can relate to a lot of your posts, having grown up in predom. white schools up till college, and I used to feel isolated as well. But once I got older, I found my niche, met lots of other people who had "oddball" types of upbringings and now at age 40 I can truly say that not only am I comfortable in my own skin and with who I am, I also have friends of *many* races (my three best friends are black, Indian, Japanese) and am very happily married to an AA man.

Also, it&#39;s good to be someplace where there is racial diversity bc people aren&#39;t so stuck on these little divisions as in other places.

So don&#39;t sweat it! You are a-okay just being you!

Chlyric Images
02-27-2005, 10:23 PM
Originally posted by litebrown@Feb 19 2005, 11:09 AM
I&#39;m an adult now but growing up was hard. Up until the age a ten i was raised in a prodominatly black neighborhood, then moved to a white one. almost all thru school i was the only black child attending. Personally i dont believe a person can talk white or black, but you do pick up a way a speach by your surroundings. So i was concider the liteskin girl who was trying to act white, by the friends i orginally grew up with. And i found it hard for me to make any black friends. Where i went to school there were many racist(not all of course) and found it hard to make white friends because of my skin color. I dont find this as i problem i face today but i fear for my daughter who is approaching school age. Has anyone else face such a situation as this

litebrown

725219


Well, if someone doesn&#39;t want to make friends with her because she&#39;s lightskinned, I&#39;m sure there&#39;s many lightskin girls nowdays to make friends with. I know this may sound kind of crude and politically incorrect, but they probably will share similar experiences as a lightskinned girl in school so they can protect each other and relate. That&#39;s what all us light brights did in school. When college comes around, you explore the races around you...and everyone is pretty much over highschool&#39;s nonsense.