hair hate & envy in children

[afronappy]

have you noticed this in your child? Or friends/relatives kids?


example: every now and then my daughter says something about wanting to make her hair straight sometimes and I say I tried that before when she was lil and remind her of how hot the iron was and how it burnt one part of her front section when I used a high setting once... she jus sees so many sistas wearing straightened hair every blue moon she comes to wonder "why don't i make my hair straight?" in this innocent lil kindergarten way . I feel sorry for her cuz I know how that can be. I can straighten parts of her hair occassionally after cutting out the locks but it's always risky and doesn't last too long. I don't want to give her the idea that straight hair is more formal or proper.

:wink:

[dayna]

Good for you for not stressing "straighter is better." Gotta start 'em early on the road to self-love. Let her know often that there is nothing wrong with "nappy" hair.

My 10-year-old cousin had the longingness for straight hair, but she seems to be coming out of that now. I two-strand twist her hair; she likes this style. She likes afros, too, like Jill Scott's. She's not ready to wear one, however! I can understand that. You know elementary kids. I had always stressed to her before and during her relaxed days that our hair is special and there's nothing wrong with it, and that there is this European beauty standard that everyone gets compared to. I told her our hair doesn't lie flat and hang and swing because it's not supposed to. We got the stuff that draws up to keep the neck cool and the head warm :wink: .

Make sure you always compliment her hair while you're grooming it. I'm always making comments on how bountiful, or thick, or fluffy my cousin's hair is. I want to make it so that if anyone ever mentions a perm to her again, that she'll say "no thanks." Hopefully they'll listen and respect that. Unfortunately, kids don't always have rights when it comes to their wishes.

[jacura]

I have noticed this in other children...a 3 yr old hollaring at the top of her lungs for us not to look at her hair (which was under a scarf, that came off) I remember being like man, she is too young to have these issues. I did ask her parents about it....who in short got defensive....but you know to each his own...I never said anything else about to them again.

[Info]

No, haven't noticed it, my kids don't care--yet. Hope they never do but I'd be living in a dream world :sad:

[PenCurls]

Make sure you always compliment her hair while you're grooming it. I'm always making comments on how bountiful, or thick, or fluffy my cousin's hair is. I want to make it so that if anyone ever mentions a perm to her again, that she'll say "no thanks." Hopefully they'll listen and respect that. Unfortunately, kids don't always have rights when it comes to their wishes.

Ditto this!! I do the same thing with my dd, tell her how beautiful curly hair is, wear my own hair in twists, braids, etc. and she's definitely getting the message. I make grooming her hair an enjoyable experience as well so that she'll understand her hair is good like it is & not feel like something is wrong with her just 'cause her hair ain't bouncin' & blowing in the wind.

[Sister1]

Dayna:

I have a 6 year daughter and your words match what I say to her to a T! We have several of the Disney cartoon movies and in the past she has made the proverbial "can my hair do that" statement. On TV, sometimes they run the L'Oreal for Kids shampoo commerical and their are no AA children with hair that looks like hers featured. I think there is a AA child but she is in the back no less, you quickly see her, with a more "looser" hair texture. So what message does that send to AA girls about their hair. I am well aware there are black children with curlier hair textures. It's just that so-called "mainstream" (white) media tend to put that particular image as being the standard for us to look like.

She loves her twists, and she often says "they look like locks" which gives her a sense of pride. She has the Disney version of Cinderella with Brandy and I tell her how beautiful Brandy's hair is. I also have several books that give props to natural hair for children and she loves them. Her father always gives her compliments about her hair. I tell her too, that I hope that I can wear twists as wonderful as she does. We both also will wear puffs and will sayI we are the puff twins. :D

[afronappy]

thanks for the responses...

that's so cute u guys are the puff twins... that'll be me come summer or fall i think...

~blessings

[guapa1]

My sister has hair envy. She is 11 and my mum is still using petroleum and not washing her hair regularly. When I have my hair out, she looks and it and says that I've got good hair. It breaks my heart becaause I know if I had a few months with her hair, it would be in better condition. :(

[inthestars]

I've seen it and I think it is made worse by parents who make negative comments about their child's hair. It gives the kids a complex.

[mommytimes2]

My daughter is too young for hair envy, but I think my 6 year old son gets it sometimes. He likes his friend Phil's hair because it "lays down", but he also likes locs and wants them for himself. He has a 3b/3c hair type and some people describe him as having "good hair". :roll: I've explained to him that he has curly hair, so it won't lay down like Phil's but it looks good just as it is. Now he focuses on keeping it clean and smelling good with shampoo and a bit of pomade or scented oil.

Maybe he doesn't really have hair envy. I think he just likes hair, just like his mom does! 8)