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Shelli4018
01-15-2004, 11:12 PM
Well, I'm almost 5 months into my transition and it's been a rollercoaster. There have been days when I just knew I was going to give up and relax this stuff as soon as I got home! Probably once a week I think, "Wow, wouldn't it be so much easier to go back?" Some days I get tired of the stupid comments from folk inquiring about my hair. And if another white guy asks me if I stuck my finger in a light socket I may have to punch someone!

But luckily, I'll read a few threads and see someone else struggling just like me. And that makes me feel better...and hopeful. Just knowing I'm not the only one trying to get this right...but not quite sure I'll make it. I also get encouragement from other hair albums: fully naturals and transitioners alike.

Sometimes I get really angry at people on this board who seem to kick people when they admit their struggles and mistakes. But you know what? I think they're still going through some mental changes too. This whole Napptural thing seems to be one heck of a journey. One that doesn't stop when you cut your relaxed ends off.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else feels like me: hopeful, anxious, joyful, scared, uncertain.... :-P

Nappy4Me
01-15-2004, 11:39 PM
This is my second time going natural. I went natural originally in the early nineties and it wasn't popular or a fad yet. I have very thick hair (which I am grateful for), there wasn't a Nappturality. com or a supportive network for me. I taught teenagers at church who would say..."Miss you'd be so pretty if you got a perm". That bothered me so much that they though our natural hair was not pretty. I didn't fall off the wagon because of the comments, I fell off because I didn't know how to take care of my hair in it's natural state. Questions of moisture, styles, and products people didn't have any answers in my area other than just perm it.

But like my screen name says, now I'm Nappy4Me. Regardless of comments or my styling struggles, this is my journey and I love me the natural me. I think the most important lesson that I've learned as far as my hair is concerned, is not to allow to allow people's negative comments about my hair to change my or to hinder my journey. I'm Nappy4Me. We've got to be Nappy4ourselves and no one else. Then styling issues, negative comments from friends and family won't get in the way of this tremendous journey.

Think this is a hair thing. When we really get this thing under our belts we will be confident in our God-given talents and journey towards our destiny without being hindered by the comments of the crowd.

Shelli, you'll make it. There are great rewards along the journey and in your final arrival at your destination.

:heart Nappy4Me

the80five
01-15-2004, 11:52 PM
Shelli, get out of my head! :lol I know exactly how you feel. Though I can't say I've ever TRULY considered wanted to relax again, there have been times when I'm just simply sick of my hair. When a woman decides she's no longer gonna relax her hair - though it seems so simple, to allow it to merely do it's thing - it requires a huge mental transition. Well, it did for me at least. I had to think about what I considered beautiful and more important WHY I considered it beautiful. And yeah, it's a struggle and I (just like everyone else) has made mistakes. But, I'm still both excited and anxious to be napptural.

Though I can understand the frustration of veteran naps when they answer the 15th question this month about curl definition, I do wish they'd be a little more understanding of newbies. We're all at a different stage in loving our naps - and I don't think scaring off a newbie by humiliating them is very beneficial to ANYONE's napptural journey. I don't want people to CODDLE newbies, none of us are children. But I do at times wish the board was a bit less judgemental and a little more understanding. But, shoot. I still love me some nappturality. :-)

BTW, I soon as I can tell a thread is gonna degenerate into sarcasm and name-calling I stop reading it. It's not worth getting upset over. At the end of the day my hair will still be nappy. :)

the80five
01-15-2004, 11:54 PM
Originally posted by Nappy4Me@Jan 15 2004, 06:39 PM
But like my screen name says, now I'm Nappy4Me. Regardless of comments or my styling struggles, this is my journey and I love me the natural me.
Let the church say amen. :app

Shelli4018
01-16-2004, 01:03 AM
Thanks guys. I have the thickest new growth coming in. And I swear my relaxed ends are looking worse no matter what I do. I gave myself a mini-chop over the weekend. It was a slight improvement. The problem is these two textures don't get along (smile). It needs to be one or the other. I originally planned to transition for 1 year. But I don't know if I can last that long. Maybe I'll get braids soon.

You know changing ones appearance seems trivial but its so huge. You're changing the image you present to the world. And possibly changing the people around you. I didn't even know I was so darn sensitive. People think they're being funny with their little comments. But I truly believe my hair pisses some white folk off because they see it as a rejection of them. And some black folk get pissed off because.....I don't really know why???

Papillion
01-16-2004, 01:26 AM
:blah

indigo2
01-16-2004, 02:54 AM
Agreed....
The whole transitioning thing for me is definately mental. Transitioning isn't hard. My hair is very soft and curly. The "texturizer" relaxer I duped my self into believing I needed :doh hasn't left much texture difference between it and my natural hair. So I'm just sitting by twiddling my thumbs and waiting for enough hair to do a Big Chop :-)
However, the war has and always will be mental. When I went natural the first time, I loved my natural hair but I didn't fully accept it. I felt the world didn't either. I spent the majority of the time fighting my natural curls and coils :fight .
I would lather on gel and conditioner and try my best to capture what I thought was "acceptable nappiness". Whatever. Its no wonder I stopped the first time. Fighting always wears you out. Anyway, I don't really regret what I did. I needed to see for myself that natural was best---for me and why. The difference between now and then is that I FULLY accept whatever is growing under those chemicals. If I didnt' then it would only be a matter of time before I went back. And I aint goin!!! :bis

:rainfro

uzuri
01-16-2004, 10:17 PM
I have always admired napptural hair, even when I was relaxing my own...I remember once seeing in my hair mag a pic of Spike Lee´s sister who had some dreds that were styled upwards, coz they were not too long....I thought she looked great...As I read the info about napptural hair, I thought I could never go napptural coz my hair is too thick, and my scalp is too sensitive...Some years later, here I am after transitioning for 18 months...These 18 months gave me time to think a lot about my hair, When and how did I reach this point where I ended up thinking I had to relax my hair to make it easier to manage? what message I wanted to give to my kids when I relaxed my hair etc, etc....Nappturality helped me more than I can say....I have decided I am napptural for life....no turning back.... I live in a Scandinavian country and I know my hair will make people stare... :shocked cause many whispers, But I´m not turning back....

knwill
01-17-2004, 01:22 AM
I too am doing a mental transition. I have to call myself out on what my beauty standards are and why they are what they are.

My thing is I just want to chop all my hair off and start from scratch more than I want to transition, but there is a reason why I'm transitioning as well. Happily I don't plan to make this a super extended transition and plan on cutting my hair in May or June! :)

jainygirl
01-17-2004, 03:21 AM
i'm 3 months into transition and i totally feel whoever said they have been admiring napptural hair for a long while. and i'm not talking about the "socially acceptable" "good" hair, but hair that is good and nappy just like mine (sorry if some are offended by nappy, but this is what i call my hair and i like it so sorry in advance) i know napptural women are getting sick of me oooohing and ahhhing their fros, twas, twistouts and whatever else they are wearing--but i cant help it so if this is you ---YOUR HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL :razz now let me duck out the way :)

naturalhairlover
01-17-2004, 07:03 AM
Originally posted by indigo2@Jan 15 2004, 06:54 PM
Anyway, I don't really regret what I did. I needed to see for myself that natural was best---for me and why. The difference between now and then is that I FULLY accept whatever is growing under those chemicals. If I didnt' then it would only be a matter of time before I went back. And I aint goin!!! :bis


:app :app :app
Good for you and ITA. As my dad would say "You got to get your mind right." I also thought that I needed to fix or make my hair presentable. I never went out with a 'fro. I felt that my hair was just too big. This last relapse fiasco with the texturizer however, taught me that I actually love that 'fro. I've finally, finally, seen the light.

AngelNappy
01-17-2004, 07:22 AM
Before I decided to go through with this I had thought it over for a while. I have a friend that is going natural and she's never tried to force her opinions on me, I just would ask questions and she'd give me answers. But honestly, at one point I was totally afraid of what people were going to think of me if I decided to go through with this, and truthfully sometimes I'm still a little self conscious (sp). I told my bestfriend and he totally disagreed with me doing this, he has come to accept it mainly bc I said I wasn't going to cut all my hair off, but when searching for support I find it almost no where! That's when I had to prepare myself mentally for what I was about to do.

Everyday that I go without relaxing is another day gone by, and it gets easier and easier. I've never really been a person to conform, I've always been the one that strayed from the "norm", I pretty much do my own thing, in my own time, in my own way. I don't see this as a way of rebelling, or going against the grain or being a non conformists as I've heard it called by other folks I know, but I see this as self exploration. I'm exploring what's best for me, a HEALTHY me at that! To me being healthy means being healthy from head to toe!

I think we look for the support and understanding of friends and loved ones and when we don't get it we sometimes feel discouraged, but there comes a time when you have to do what is right for you and only you!

BTW: remember that "good" hair is hair that's not in the comb or garbage

jainygirl
01-17-2004, 04:47 PM
Hey AngelNappy, i sent ya a PM hth :) ---jainygirl

indigo2
01-18-2004, 06:08 PM
you can do it...dont' give up!

pookeylou
01-18-2004, 07:44 PM
Excellent thread!

I was one of those transitioners that had no issue with the two hair types...it was the negative feelings that gave me the issues.

Negative views of others...played with my head tremendously...but as I was going through the transition...I was working on a mental project...a project of doing what is best for me...and feeling at peace about it...

This was so important...because I did not get a pat on the back from my family...and some of the veterans are quite jaded...so they were kind of "black and white" to feelings...I needed to get this hair thing right within my mind...so that if I asked a "stupid" question...and did not get a warm and fuzzy answer...it did not break my spirit...and I did not relax out of anger or lack of support...

That is why it was CRUCIAL to research the chemical make up of perms...and research the begining thought behind fixing OUR hair...when I understood those two factors...I realized 1) poisen is not good. If someone were to offer me a glass of water with a drop of poisen in it...of course I would refuse it. I would not think..."oh...it's just a little bit..." I would avoid it like the plague...Relaxers are caustic, poisenous, chemical burn inducing concoctions...They are dangerous and unhealthy. There is no question why they should be avoided...they can hurt you and kill your hair and skin. When I look at relaxers/texturizers that way...no question about whether they are an option or not for styling...they are not. 2) Since the beginning of our history in THIS country...we were viewed as ugly, animalistic, physically repulsive. So much so that our features were made fun of and used as comedy routines or even ways to insult others. That view of our beauty...is not how God views our beauty. Even though our ancestors that were brought here...were indoctrinated with that thinking...began to believe it and even instilled that teaching to my Great Grandmother, my Grand Mother and my Mother...I now know that it is wrong. My lips, my hips, my healthy weight, my nose, my HAIR is how it is supposed to be. It does not need to be fixed. So there is no need to change my hair to make it more comfortable for others. Nappy is good...God made it that way...deliberately. I now love my hair.

It is important to say here...that there are transitioners who have it right in thier mind...they do not view perming as an option and they love their nappy hair...and look forward to being fully natural...However they want length before the BC...I give these ones ultimate applause...because no matter what you say...you will have a few that try to get in your head...and say "you dont want to let go..." when it is simply...you feel more comforatable with length...remember...you know the truth...do what you need to do.

Once I got those thoughts right in my mind...once I transitioned from the old thinking...then whether I get a nod of acknowledgement or a pat on the back of praise...or if someone is indifferently silent...or downright rude...it just doesnt matter...I know the truth.

I wish every newly natural to have that peace of mind...we all get it in our own time. I am thankful to those veterans who were patient with my questions...my skewed views...allowed me time to get "it"...tactfully corrected me when I was blatantly wrong...made helpful suggestions that saved me a lot of time...and saved my hair. They did a wonderful thing...they taught me...to help myself.

Best wishes to all us transitioners/newbies...you ARE heading in the right direction...you have made the right choice.

Shelli4018
01-18-2004, 08:08 PM
Pooky, thanks for the advice. You know, I read one of your posts about shea butter and ordered some. It's really been helpful. I've used it this weekend and my hair looks better. Also bought some nice scarves/bandana's for my hair. I think what's key for me is finding a couple of styles that I can master. I'm obsessed with neat styles I can wear to work. Last week was rough because I'd been experimenting so my hair was nice one day and unruly the next. Plus, people seem to be intrigued with my hair. Everyday someone stops by to see what I've done. The attention can be a little unnerving.

pookeylou
01-18-2004, 08:16 PM
Originally posted by Shelli4018@Jan 18 2004, 04:08 PM
Pooky, thanks for the advice. You know, I read one of your posts about shea butter and ordered some. It's really been helpful. I've used it this weekend and my hair looks better. Also bought some nice scarves/bandana's for my hair. I think what's key for me is finding a couple of styles that I can master. I'm obsessed with neat styles I can wear to work. Last week was rough because I'd been experimenting so my hair was nice one day and unruly the next. Plus, people seem to be intrigued with my hair. Everyday someone stops by to see what I've done. The attention can be a little unnerving.
I am so glad it worked for you...shea butter is my new friend. I cannot get enough of it...I even started using it on my skin...and it is thanking me too!

I check in your album from time to time to see how your hair is progressing (nicely I might add) so keep up the good work!

Mecca
01-18-2004, 11:56 PM
Originally posted by pookeylou@Jan 18 2004, 01:44 PM
Excellent thread!

I was one of those transitioners that had no issue with the two hair types...it was the negative feelings that gave me the issues.

Negative views of others...played with my head tremendously...but as I was going through the transition...I was working on a mental project...a project of doing what is best for me...and feeling at peace about it...

This was so important...because I did not get a pat on the back from my family...and some of the veterans are quite jaded...so they were kind of "black and white" to feelings...I needed to get this hair thing right within my mind...so that if I asked a "stupid" question...and did not get a warm and fuzzy answer...it did not break my spirit...and I did not relax out of anger or lack of support...

That is why it was CRUCIAL to research the chemical make up of perms...and research the begining thought behind fixing OUR hair...when I understood those two factors...I realized 1) poisen is not good. If someone were to offer me a glass of water with a drop of poisen in it...of course I would refuse it. I would not think..."oh...it's just a little bit..." I would avoid it like the plague...Relaxers are caustic, poisenous, chemical burn inducing concoctions...They are dangerous and unhealthy. There is no question why they should be avoided...they can hurt you and kill your hair and skin. When I look at relaxers/texturizers that way...no question about whether they are an option or not for styling...they are not. 2) Since the beginning of our history in THIS country...we were viewed as ugly, animalistic, physically repulsive. So much so that our features were made fun of and used as comedy routines or even ways to insult others. That view of our beauty...is not how God views our beauty. Even though our ancestors that were brought here...were indoctrinated with that thinking...began to believe it and even instilled that teaching to my Great Grandmother, my Grand Mother and my Mother...I now know that it is wrong. My lips, my hips, my healthy weight, my nose, my HAIR is how it is supposed to be. It does not need to be fixed. So there is no need to change my hair to make it more comfortable for others. Nappy is good...God made it that way...deliberately. I now love my hair.

It is important to say here...that there are transitioners who have it right in thier mind...they do not view perming as an option and they love their nappy hair...and look forward to being fully natural...However they want length before the BC...I give these ones ultimate applause...because no matter what you say...you will have a few that try to get in your head...and say "you dont want to let go..." when it is simply...you feel more comforatable with length...remember...you know the truth...do what you need to do.

Once I got those thoughts right in my mind...once I transitioned from the old thinking...then whether I get a nod of acknowledgement or a pat on the back of praise...or if someone is indifferently silent...or downright rude...it just doesnt matter...I know the truth.

I wish every newly natural to have that peace of mind...we all get it in our own time. I am thankful to those veterans who were patient with my questions...my skewed views...allowed me time to get "it"...tactfully corrected me when I was blatantly wrong...made helpful suggestions that saved me a lot of time...and saved my hair. They did a wonderful thing...they taught me...to help myself.

Best wishes to all us transitioners/newbies...you ARE heading in the right direction...you have made the right choice.
:app Miss. Pookeylou you are always on point! :bis

You have so much wisdom, we've just got to find a way to clone you...

AngelNappy
01-19-2004, 12:40 AM
Negative views of others...played with my head tremendously...but as I was going through the transition...I was working on a mental project...a project of doing what is best for me...and feeling at peace about it...


Although I haven't had too many negative responses when I tell people what I'm doing to my hair I'm sure they will come. Probably as soon as I step foot on the train to go to school on Tues, or ON the bus to work tomorrow, but I feel them lurking in the shadows LOL

:offtopic So where can I order some shea butter, all the shea butter I've seen has had other ish in it, or just a lil bit of shea butter and I'm tryna get just plain ol shea butter, not shea butter and chlorine,etc.

ShekinahSoul
01-19-2004, 01:54 AM
I do applaud you for this thread. :app The mental transition is helpful when going natural. Helps us to understand our hair and to love it better. Going natural is not easy and going natural mentally is even harder. I was natural a year before my mindset about my hair was healthier. It takes time but I appreciated when I read online the hard truths about the mental state concerning our hair. Truth always itch and I itched a lot back then :lol . But I would look at myself good and hard and admit the truths I did not want to admit about my mindset and in the end it helped me have a mental transitioning.

The challenge about not having a mental transition is the chance of ending up going back to the perm. If a person hates their hair then with out a mental change of thought they may never love their hair and may miss the sense of self love they had about their hair when it was straight. Straight hair is praised in our culture and has been praised a very long time. :huh It takes effort for some people to be at peace with the reality that their hair was never meant to be straight. Never. Ever. It was meant to always be nappy. Some people do not want to accept that. That's a hard truth for some people and it takes mental transitioning to be happy about that. I admire you for desiring to make a shift in your mental thoughts. Trust me your overall sense of how you see your hair will really blossom. :)

kirgurl79
01-19-2004, 04:24 AM
What was I thinking?!?!?

That's what I say to myself, everytime I comb those relaxed ends. I know I'm never going back there again.[I]

butta_cream
01-19-2004, 05:57 AM
i havent permed my hair since thanksgiving and i have decided to go natural. after i saw my 2 year old niece's hair and how beautiful it was, i vowed never to perm my hair again or let anyone perm her hair. i have tried before and permed my hair because i didnt know how to take care of it. i have been reading the threads on this forum for about 3 days and i have learned soooo much about my hair and how to take care of it. some days, i get really discouraged because i wish my hair would hurry up and grow so i can chop the relaxed ends off. reading the posts in here encourages me to be patient.

Shelli4018
01-19-2004, 02:10 PM
Ahh...patience. That's what I need to work on.