PDA

View Full Version : Discouragement



wanna-b-nap
01-21-2004, 11:39 PM
IWhen i made the decision to go natural, i only told two people. I told my mother tonight who is going natural herself and she put me down. :mad
She told me that my hair will never be the same as it was when i was younger and that i will just get a perm when it becomes too hard. >:(
I am sooo sad by what she said and i also wondered if she was right about my hair as a little girl. She said that it would never be the same. Is this true?? I am confused now and wished that i never told her. :mad

pookeylou
01-22-2004, 12:01 AM
Wow...that's tough. But I am glad you've made the choice to begin this journey for yourself.

Your situation sounds VERY confusing. A mother who is (going) natural and yet she does not encourage you to do the same.

Makes me wonder why she is doing it.

Your hair may not be like it was when you were a child. She could be correct. But the real motivation behind going natural...is not about what texture you have...it's about the health of your hair...and the peace of mind you gain from knowing the truth. Your hair...whatever natural texture it is...is uniquely beautiful to you. When you change that...with caustic chemicals...you are in effect saying it needs to be fixed...because it is not "good hair"...sounds similar to what your mom said...But you know the truth.

I think if you stick with this journey...educate yourself on the chemical makeup of relaxers/texturizers, educate yourself on the unique beauty of your ethnicity...you will set a powerful example for your mom...that may even end up teaching her.

Best wishes.

redchika
01-22-2004, 12:23 AM
Wow. I'm sorry about that. I can actually sympathize wth you because my mother actually is not very supportive about me going natural also. My mother was also natural for a time and has AA hair type (per Deecoily's explaination of hair types) and said that she needed a perm because her hair was too nappy. To my mom, I have nappy hair. Anyway, please don't let your mother discourage you from going natural. You know what's best for you better than anyone else. Nappturality should be your bible for going natural. Do the research and make the decision for yourself.

AfrikaIzin_My_Hair
01-22-2004, 12:25 AM
Hi wanna-b-nap,

Going natural isn't easy, not only in terms of your hair, but it can be difficult emotionally at times. It is a journey, and it will have it's highs and lows, but you have to remember why you decided to go natural in the first place and to stand strong.

As far as your mother, I can't understand her motivations for telling you this, perhaps she is frustrated with going natural herself? In any case, there is no reason to be discouraged. Many naps and transitioners have faced these same problems, and have made it through :)

And for hair texture, your hair is your hair. I don't see why your hair texture would be any different from what it was a child, but I could be wrong. But regardless, I'm sure the hair that is naturally yours is beautiful in it's own unique way :)

Lots of love

Jazitones
01-22-2004, 12:26 AM
I am not sure how old you are, but my daughter that is 16 years old is going natural and her hair texture is the same as it was when she was a little girl. I agree with Pookeylou with being confuse on your mothers comments on your hair texture when she is going natural. :-?

Melanizm
01-22-2004, 12:53 AM
Your mother's reaction is disappointing, but you gotta keep it movin'. If going natural is something you truly want to do you just have to take the negativity with a grain of salt. Eventually when she sees you are serious and you are maintaining you natural hair with ease, she will come around (hopefully).

Stay encouraged :)

indigo2
01-22-2004, 01:34 AM
wow, girl, its gonna be alright. I too know the pain of not having a mother understand. The first time I went natural she said that it would not be neat or attractive. When I decided to go back to perming she was excited and even helped me pick out hairstyles. Its hurtful when the one person who matters the most doesn't support you but that is where we come in :)
I have not yet told my mother of my decision. I know how fragile this mindset can be in the face of family so I keep it to myself. You can make it, it will be alright :blab

W8N2XHL
01-22-2004, 01:53 AM
I think I would let your mother know how much you were hurt by her comments. I'd then say not to make any comments on your hair. It is a decision that you thought long and hard about and need not be dissuaded now.

Then come in to this site and be embraced by brothas and sistahs who love the nappy you. :ura :amour

kirgurl79
01-22-2004, 04:08 PM
Originally posted by pookeylou@Jan 22 2004, 01:01 AM
the real motivation behind going natural...is not about what texture you have...it's about the health of your hair...and the peace of mind you gain from knowing the truth. Your hair...whatever natural texture it is...is uniquely beautiful to you.
:app :app :app

uzuri
01-22-2004, 04:11 PM
Originally posted by kiana7@Jan 22 2004, 03:53 AM
I think I would let your mother know how much you were hurt by her comments. I'd then say not to make any comments on your hair. It is a decision that you thought long and hard about and need not be dissuaded now.

Then come in to this site and be embraced by brothas and sistahs who love the nappy you. :ura :amour
ITA... :app

kutekinks
01-22-2004, 08:23 PM
Originally posted by kirgurl79+Jan 22 2004, 09:08 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (kirgurl79 @ Jan 22 2004, 09:08 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-pookeylou@Jan 22 2004, 01:01 AM
the real motivation behind going natural...is not about what texture you have...it&#39;s about the health of your hair...and the peace of mind you gain from knowing the truth. Your hair...whatever natural texture it is...is uniquely beautiful to you.
:app :app :app [/b][/quote]
Ditto!

I also didn&#39;t have the support of my mom and neither of my sis who are strictly permies (I&#39;m sixteen by the way). It was VERY discouraging but after I chopped off my perm I felt stronger. I realize now that I don&#39;t need ppl to approve things before I do them (esp. if I know it&#39;s what I want in life). YOU are the one living with YOUR hair. Embrace whatever texture it is and have a blast!

AngelNappy
01-23-2004, 05:09 AM
I think the first thing out of somebody&#39;s mouth is usually negative when it comes to change. Don&#39;t let that stop you though, you&#39;re doing this for YOU remember that! So far I&#39;ve been called Macy Gray, Jill Scott, Lauryn Hill, India Arie and I&#39;ve even gotten a "what the hell did you do to your hair girl" and Your mother may be right, but like so many of the other ladies have said, its not for the texture (if it were I&#39;d still be perming this bad boy!) it&#39;s for the healthyness (is that a word?) of your hair. Take it all in stride sistah girl, don&#39;t give up! You&#39;ll look great!

kinkynikki
01-23-2004, 02:03 PM
Hmm, I&#39;m not quite sure what to think of your mother&#39;s comments. For that to be said coming from someone who is going natural, you&#39;d think she&#39;d understand what you&#39;re dealing with. Guess not. :blab

Nevertheless, this is a decision that you make for yourself. It would be nice to have support from those close to you. But that&#39;s not always the case. Which is why you have to be sure this is what you want to do.

Be sure. Be strong. We&#39;re (Nappturality.com) here for you!!! :heart :razz