Question For Moms Of Nappy Girls

[DizzyChickStar]

Hi ladies,
I recently found out that I will be the proud mom of a baby girl :wub: -I'm about 6th months pregnant. Naturally, I've started to research maintenance, styles...for my nappy baby girl already. I was wondering what life is like for the nappy girl these days-kindergarten through upper grades. As in, are kids more accepting of natural hair than when I was growing up? I'm 26 btw. What have been your girls' experiences? positive? negative? Are they feeling pressure to straighten and if so, how are you combatting this?

[icetia]

I don't have any tips for you, I just wanted to say congratulations!
Totally OT: Wow girl, how did you get to month 6 with no symptoms? My mother was the same way when she was pregnant with me: she didn't know until the 5th month. You're fortunate; you didn't experience all of the uncomfortable stuff that a lot of women go through when they get pregnant. Hopefully, the rest of your pregnancy will be just as smooth as the beginning!

[g2g]

Hi ladies,
I recently found out that I will be the proud mom of a baby girl :wub: -I'm about 6th months pregnant. Naturally, I've started to research maintenance, styles...for my nappy baby girl already. I was wondering what life is like for the nappy girl these days-kindergarten through upper grades. As in, are kids more accepting of natural hair than when I was growing up? I'm 26 btw. What have been your girls' experiences? positive? negative? Are they feeling pressure to straighten and if so, how are you combatting this?
[/b]


Congratulations on your little one on the way! :D I have two girls ages 4 and 6 and unfortunately, they have already started asking me to straighten their hair. :( I am able to combat it by doing box braids in their hair to show length. They love to swing their beaded braids. It is not all about length though, they also like puffs. Another way to combat their desire for straight hair is to be super gentle during the detangling process. NP has been great in helping me learn to wash in sections and to detangle their natural hair even before I started going natural myself. Also I have learned how to do some cute natural styles on them and that has been a tremendous help also in combatting their desire to straighten. ^_^

Very important, when your little one begins to understand, remember to constantly affirm that her coily hair is beautiful! :wub:

[tweetnaps]

ITA^^^my little one sometimes see the lil girls on perm boxes and question it....she is five.....i put little ponytails or box braids in her hair...or get her hair cornrowed with beads on the ends

[DizzyChickStar]

I don't have any tips for you, I just wanted to say congratulations!
Totally OT: Wow girl, how did you get to month 6 with no symptoms? My mother was the same way when she was pregnant with me: she didn't know until the 5th month. You're fortunate; you didn't experience all of the uncomfortable stuff that a lot of women go through when they get pregnant. Hopefully, the rest of your pregnancy will be just as smooth as the beginning!
[/b]


I'm sorry-my post may have been misleading-I just found out I'll be having a girl, but I had all of the morning sickness and whatnot of the first 3 months of pregnancy.

[thunderstorm]

our daughter is 4. she wears 5 fat long plaits every week. no barrettes or bows or elastic pony holders. i shampoo/condition her hair weekly, brushing the fuzzies down daily before school. during the hot months, i'll plain-water rinse her hair between shampoos.

[Savvyone]

My daughter was fine til she hit the 8th grade this year and now she prefers to press it....my Mom is her "beautician" and it doesn't cost me anything except a few dollars here and there that I give my Mama for her time. :) I've been showing her albums of long-haired napturals to continue to encourage her that nappy is and always will be the BEST choice for her...beauty wise, versatility wise, etc...

The perm is still out of the question and will be until she's grown and out the house ;) which she fully understands....summer months she goes back to cornrows and braids. My sister said someone musta told her she was "cute" with straight hair so she's in that mode...she'll be 14 in a few months....

[MelanieRaven29]

1st of all "CONGRATS" on your pregnancy!!!


Just tell she is beautiful, and explain to her the beauty and versatility of her hair. Let her know that God gave "only us" the kind of hair that we have to wear it as it grows, un altered and to wear it proudly.

Luckily, aour daughters have us nappy moms a great examples and role models. Our girls will not grow up around family like we did with all the mental conditioning and watching us burn our hair on the stove or anything.

She'll love her hair, because she sees that you love you hair. All little girls wanna be like their mommies.


Here is my Lil' Miss' hair at age 4 1/2. And here is our little story. (http://public.fotki.com/MelanieRaven/pictures_fall_2005/aol10c2.html)
http://hotimg3.fotki.com/a/67_92/28_98/AOL10C2-vi833-th.jpg (http://http://public.fotki.com/MelanieRaven/pictures_fall_2005/aol10c2.html)

[nakisha]

:D CONGRATULATIONS!!!! My daughter will be 3 months on Monday and I have been thinking about this topic for some months now. I do know that (depending on where you are) kids are more open now to hair styles (especially the younger ones that haven't seen too much BET). There are some twins in my church that are natural (so is the mom). Mom has dreds and one of the girls does as well. The other girl wears braids and puffs. They are 10 years old and are very proud of being natural. The one girl was telling me that she was excited b/c her mom is letting her grow dreds now. I guess with a strong, natural mother, they don't pay attention if anyone talks about their hair. :wub:

My niece used to want her hair like mine, but now she wants it straight and doesn't want anybody to do anything to it. She just wants to wear it loose and tries to shake it. Now you know how little girls run around with the hair sticking up and stuff? That's how hers gets and she just tries to pat it down and put it behind her ear :icon_eek13: ...... She is 9 and watches too many videos! :soapbox: :2cents:


I think it all boils down to the images that are around our daughters. If you can give them positive images of natural hair to combat the negativie ones, I think she should be okay. WE HOPE!!!

[Lizz]

Congrats....Little girls are too funny. They are little women!

My daughter is 5 and so far she hasn't expressed the desire to have bone straight hair....whew :D . Right now she's lovin :wub: everything her mama does so she's happy with her ponytails. She would love for me to allow her to wear it down more (ponytails without braids or twist) but she suffers from HIF and her hair would be so tangled. Also, she has NO curl pattern. Not even a Z pattern so blowdrying with a comb attachment will usually get it "straight" if I want to put it on spong rollers or something.

On the average, I'll do about 7 cornrows going straight back. I've done flat twist in the front with 2strand twist in the back. And there's always the ponytails.

My advice, once your lil one starts to get older and you're washing and combing her hair, always speak positive words over her hair. Tell her how beautiful her hair is and how beautiful she is. Talk about how special she is to you. Tell her that God made her perfect just for you. Don't express fustration. Don't make it seem like a chore (even if it is) to wash and style her hair. Make the time you spend doing her hair YOUR TIME TOGETHER. You'll be amazed at some of the things she'll tell you while getting her hair done.

[DizzyChickStar]

1st of all "CONGRATS" on your pregnancy!!!
Just tell she is beautiful, and explain to her the beauty and versatility of her hair. Let her know that God gave "only us" the kind of hair that we have to wear it as it grows, un altered and to wear it proudly.

Luckily, aour daughters have us nappy moms a great examples and role models. Our girls will not grow up around family like we did with all the mental conditioning and watching us burn our hair on the stove or anything.

She'll love her hair, because she sees that you love you hair. All little girls wanna be like their mommies.
Here is my Lil' Miss' hair at age 4 1/2. And here is our little story. (http://public.fotki.com/MelanieRaven/pictures_fall_2005/aol10c2.html)
http://hotimg3.fotki.com/a/67_92/28_98/AOL10C2-vi833-th.jpg (http://http://public.fotki.com/MelanieRaven/pictures_fall_2005/aol10c2.html)
[/b]

Watch it now! I cry easily--your words and story were so inspiring! Your daughter's hair is gorgeous!!!

[three_mom]

Congrats, on your new baby. I have 3 daughters, ages 19, 10, and 8 each have their own unique hair. My youngest could care less about hair, so I braid cornrows and she is good to go. My 19 yr old is on her own, now that she is a young adult but she is natural and loving her short cut. My 10 yr old who is in the 5th grade is the challenge. Her hair is quite long but because it is napptural it shrinks and she is bugging me to let her wear it down and I just don't have to courage for that yet. I am working on it. but for now she is still wearing ponytails, but I better get that courage soon because middle school cometh :lol:

Anyway you have a while to before you get these kinds of problems, enjoy her while she is small.

[Orlandrea]

Congratulations!! Girls are wonderful. I have a 4 year old and she's my princess when it comes to her hair, but a tomboy with everything else. Taking care of her hair is going to be fun as well as a challenge. Especially when she's not ready to get it done. But when she arrives, enjoy her. They grow up so fast. :-)

[phillygirl]

Congratulations on your new baby girl! My daughter is eight and, for the most part, could care less about her hair, but when one of her classmates got her first perm ( :( ), she said that she wanted "flowy" hair. So, the next time I did her hair, I put it in twists with a few cornrows in the front, and she could fling her hair as much as she wanted! I do worry about how she's going to feel about her natural hair when she gets older, especially since she's surrounded by girls getting their hair straightened at darn near infancy. But, I'm continuing to sharpen my styling skills, and always, always affirming her beautiful, napptural hair. She also looks through hair albums with me sometimes, so hopefully her appreciation for napptural hair will continue to grow.

[dejalove26]

I have a 11,9,and 4 year old and I have been lucky cause we all went natural together( my mother put chemicals in my 2 oldest hair when they were young and the 4 year old has always been natural). My oldest had locs and a few months ago she decided she wanted to take them out and restart them cause they were really linty from her always being on her head when she was younger well that didn't last long we started taking them out aloose and within a few days she was just like cut them mommy i can't take it anymore, so she has a very short twa and she don't care. I thought it would be hard for her going from long locs to twa but she hasn't had any issues, little boys still be tryin to holla(she is so not feelin that) and no problems at school or anywhere else for that matter. I think it helps that i have a twa also so she doesn't feel alone. Now my 9 year old is a bit different she has a HUGE THICK fro and she likes to wear it out cause she likes the attention she gets at school with kids wanting to touch it and stuff. She is a bit more concerned about what other people think but she also likes to standout and her hair helps her do that cause most of the girls at her school have chemicals in their hair or extensions. The only people who have really had a problem with my childrens hair has been family and even they have learned to get over it cause it's not gonna change. I think ultimately its about where you live(as far as outside influences on hair choices) and how you live(how you respond to your child and her hair or hair in general. Oh yeah my youngest she loves her "fluffy"(as she calls it) hair so all is well for now. Sorry so long hope it helped.

[sonce]

As in, are kids more accepting of natural hair than when I was growing up? I'm 26 btw. What have been your girls' experiences? positive? negative? Are they feeling pressure to straighten and if so, how are you combatting this?
[/b]
I hope you don't mind, but I'm not the mom of a nappy girl. I am the loving waaaay older sister of one. I was the one who transitioned my munchkin's hair and educated her about the beauty of our hair. I am also the one she comes to with questions about black people's hate-hate relationship with nappy hair and all the political/social stuff related to that. So I feel as if I am her parent when it comes to naps. :)

My sister is 8 years old and I believe her experiences have been neutral. She has not yet expressed to me anyone making fun of her nappy hair (unless you count my napp-hating mom <_<) but she has asked questions about why so many little black girls are relaxed/weaved up and she is definitely aware of the push for black girls and women to wear their hair straight. However, she resists this push b/c she believes that nappy hair is the most beautiful kind of hair and prefers to be nappy. We&#39;ll be walking down the street and she&#39;ll tug on my sleeve and say she feels sorry for some little girl walking with about with a weave. Or she&#39;ll see a card with a nappy-haired sista on it and insist we buy that card. She sincerely believes nappy is #1 and that is b/c that kind of attitude is the one me and my other siblings have cultivated in her from day 1. If she wanted to straighten her hair, she&#39;d only have to go to my mom, who is Napp Hater #1. My mom is always trying to relax her hair but b/c my sister sincerely loves her naps, she always puts up a fight and runs to me or my other siblings so we can gang up on my mom together. :lol:

So how do I think you can empower your daughter to resist negativity towards her hair?

1) More than just insisting your daughter keep her hair nappy, try to create in her the same feeling you of pride you have in your hair so that she chooses to be natural. Start young and be consistent. Pay attention to all the nonverbal cues that children pick up on--even as young as age 2, kids notice inconsistencies in what you say to them vs. what you say about others. She&#39;ll notice if the dolls you buy her reflect a beauty that isn&#39;t hers, she&#39;ll catch what you say about India.Arie&#39;s naps vs. Cree Summers&#39; loose curls (just giving examples of how a bad hair vs. good hair mentality can express itself) etc.

2) Explain things to her. I actually sat her down and told her how relaxers chemically burn the hair and scalp and have been linked to scalp problems, baldness and even cancer. I explained to her that ignorance, mental colonization, and an inferiority complex are why many black people can&#39;t stand the sight of their own natural hair. Kids aren&#39;t too young to hear these things. Telling her the social, political, racial, and emotional reasons why that little girl in school is walking around with straight hair will empower her more than just announcing that relaxers are bad. This might sound bad, but when we walk past someone whose hairline is gone b/c of too-tight weaves or whose flea-bitten relaxed hair is jacked, I&#39;ll explain to my sister how that person is a victim and she gets it.

3) Give her a connection. I tell my sister how her hair looks just like mine and our siblings, just like our parents&#39;, just like our grandparents&#39;, just like our fellow Yorubas&#39;, just like our fellow Nigerians&#39; etc. We&#39;ve examined individual strands of our hair as I explained how the helical shape resembles DNA, which is the foundation of life. I try to root the beauty of hair hair not just in its appearance but in its genetic history, in spirituality and in the beauty of others like us. Create a sense of wonder about her hair--try to make her feel that it is a link to something greater than her. Kids have a strong sense of magic and awe, so take advantage of that.

:)

[DizzyChickStar]

Of course^I don&#39;t mind your response. Thanks for lending your experience. *taking notes*

[NappilyEvahAftah]

I&#39;m not a mom, but I can share this: One of my nappy friends brings her daughter, when we get together (at my house) for nappy talk, fellowship, etc.

This little girl doesn&#39;t smile a whole lot. But when she gets around us and she sees hair like hers (she&#39;s got thick, nappy, gorgeous hair, that&#39;s usually worn in a ponypuff), she just...smiles and looks like she&#39;s in the happiest place! Of course, we all make over her and tell her how beautiful she is — on the inside, as well as the outside. I think it&#39;s important to teach girls from the beginning, that there&#39;s more to them, than their physical appearance.

Anyhow, I say be sure to take your daughter to napptural gatherings (every once in awhile, and it could be like a group, "Bring your daughters" thing), so she can see role models, who look like her. It&#39;ll build her up and she&#39;ll be surrounded by grown-ups, and little girls — who look like, and embrace her.

[Lovelocks]

Thanks for this thread. I like Sonce have a much younger sister, I&#39;m 27 she&#39;s 11. We live in different states. Before whenver I came home she would say, "Ooooh Lovelocks I want my hair like yours" (My mother currently keeps her natural hair braided, occassionally letting someone press it).

However, the last time I went home she was having a little tiff with my mother bc she now wants a pe.rm. I was shocked to hear this. But, I must have sensed it coming bc I had brought home a book with me with a little black girl on the cover called I Love My Hair.

Anyhoo, my mom refuses to put a p.erm in my sister&#39;s hair bc when she pe.rmed my middle sister&#39;s hair at a young age it came out. However, my mom is the first one to make ignorant comments like &#39;whoo your hair is nappy (said with disgust)&#39;

Also, come to find out the family friend who pr.esses my sister&#39;s hair has been telling my her every time she comes over that she needs a per.m Where is that angry emoticon when you need it? You know I was pi.ssed.

Anyhoo, I read the book with her, told her hair was a beautiful gift from God. Talked about all the styles she could do and then twisted her hair. She loved it and couldn&#39;t stop swinging it. Even Ms. You Need A Per.m from next door complimented her.

Lesson to be learned: affirm, reinforce, affirm, reinforce. But know that you can&#39;t control all influences so hopefully you can build your child up enough that when they hear ignorant comments they&#39;re armed with the truth.

[turnergirl]

I am not a mother either but I have a younger cousin who is the only I tightly coiled, compressed napp in a family full of curlies. It was excusable for me to have natural hair and all of my other cousins but not her. Everyone, including her mom, my mom and even my grandmother makes comments about how tight her hair is, how badly she needed a chemical fire cream and all that craziness. I was charged with educating my entire family on how much damage their words were doing to her.

So I have a little experience working with her. I was sure to identify with her hair type and praise it.
I was also very upfront with confronting anyone who had something negative to say about her hair. Complimenting her gorgeous hair before anyone who made a negative comment.
I also tried to keep her around other children with natural hair.
I attempted to integrate her into more afrocentric social circles. Such as communtiy African dance groups or drumming groups. I think helping her get in touch with African and African American culture will do so much more for her life in addition to helping her see her natural hair as a normality.

One of the most important things was monitoring the media images she was subjected to. Music videos which featured black women with hair weaves down their backs were out for her. I purchased plenty of books for her that were about nappy hair. Here are some great books to start your baby off with. They are picture books with some words here and there.

I Love My Hair! (Hardcover)
by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley

Nappy Hair (Dragonfly Books) (Paperback)
by Carolivia Herron

Happy to Be Nappy (Jump at the Sun) (Hardcover)
by bell hooks

[jaydago]

Check out my album with my little one. She is now 2 1/2. She absolutly loves her hair. She loves braids and a big or small fro. I am teaching her to be proud of her hair. She now tells her teachers that she has "pretty hair" Congrats on the little one on the way!!

[frau]

as a baby, i was not the mother who put barettes and things in my daughter&#39;s hair. she just wore an afro until it was long enough to go into a ponytail.

she spent most of her young life wearing her hair in big huge braids, like 5 on each side.

as she got older i just put her hair in ponytails and braids.

she had two relaxers in her hair in all those years to help loosen the napp. i was not napptural back then and let my mom (once without my permission) process it. because she didn&#39;t get touch ups, her hair broke off and the chemical fire cream had to eventually be cut out.

her hair grew back quickly. hair growth was never an issue.

when she got to high school is when she wanted to wear more mature styles and the pressure to straighten was there.

by senior year, forget it. she wanted her hair straight in her senior pictures, she wanted her hair straight for prom and for graduation.

so, her choice. i got it done. she had her hair flat ironed. (you can see her in fotki)

even this very morning she asked me how she can wear it straight everyday without relaxing it.

[subbrock]

congrats! i think we may be due around the same time.

ive thought about the subject a little since im going to be having a girl as well. i work at a salon, so i get to see a wide range of kids/moms/hair interaction and what ive noticed is that they get their hair self esteem from their mothers. my child is biracial so im not sure what to expect as far as her hair is concerened, but no matter what we (her father and i) are ready to tell her how beautiful she is.