PDA

View Full Version : Negative Compliments



Sunchild
02-24-2004, 06:29 PM
Ok this is my first negative hair incident. This weekend I went to a volunteer project and we were taking a break standing around talking to the coordinator. This woman proceeds to tell me how she likes my locs better then her own daughter's locs. I asked her why. She proceeded to tell me how her daughter went to South Africa and came back with a "head full of big ugly jump ropes". She said she preferred her hair to be relaxed, but if she wanted locs she should at least get them small. :rolling She also told me how she puts flyers for lockticians under her daughter's room door so she can get her hair re-done. At first I dragged out my soapbox, but put it back up because it simply was not worth it.

I have noticed this on some of the hair forums I go to as well. This type of behavior is not limited to the relax. People with certain types of locs get their albums and posts blown up, while others are somewhat neglected.

Have you ever caught yourself oohing and aahhing for all the wrong reasons?

kaoticcoil
02-24-2004, 06:37 PM
Originally posted by afrikankween@Feb 24 2004, 01:29 PM

Have you ever caught yourself oohing and aahhing for all the wrong reasons?
Well, what are the wrong reasons :smug? I haven't personally looked at many albums, but I only look at those that advertise the styles that I like. Everyone doesn't appreciate all the same things. So, if a certain album is being blown up, maybe it is because that particular style is one desired by a great number of people.

I like nappy hair, but there are some doos that don't appeal to me.

Kaoticcoil

KaePee
02-24-2004, 06:39 PM
I don't have locs BUT I live in a country that a lot of people do and my boyfriend has locs. And yes you are right...the more "neat" a person's locs are the more they are admired over here. Which is s***.

And trust me I have been guilty of this as well in the past. No more now and a lot of that has to do with being with the person that I am with.

No matter what we judge and compare. And this is more so done by persons who don't understand the beauty of ALL types of natural hair.

Kae

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 06:45 PM
Originally posted by kaoticcoil+Feb 24 2004, 03:37 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (kaoticcoil @ Feb 24 2004, 03:37 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-afrikankween@Feb 24 2004, 01:29 PM

Have you ever caught yourself oohing and aahhing for all the wrong reasons?
Well, what are the wrong reasons :smug? I haven&#39;t personally looked at many albums, but I only look at those that advertise the styles that I like. Everyone doesn&#39;t appreciate all the same things. So, if a certain album is being blown up, maybe it is because that particular style is one desired by a great number of people.

I like nappy hair, but there are some doos that don&#39;t appeal to me.

Kaoticcoil [/b][/quote]
I guess I should rephrase wrong reasons, and restate my question to can people who are currently locked appreciate all types of locks.

Also the argument about certain types of hair styles is really not what I am talking about here, anyone can hide behind that if they want to dodge the issue I am discussing here.

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 06:46 PM
Originally posted by KaePee@Feb 24 2004, 03:39 PM
I don&#39;t have locs BUT I live in a country that a lot of people do and my boyfriend has locs. And yes you are right...the more "neat" a person&#39;s locs are the more they are admired over here. Which is s***.

And trust me I have been guilty of this as well in the past. No more now and a lot of that has to do with being with the person that I am with.

No matter what we judge and compare. And this is more so done by persons who don&#39;t understand the beauty of ALL types of natural hair.

Kae
That is exactly the issue I am discussing.

thunderstorm
02-24-2004, 06:54 PM
it&#39;s just a preference thing. i don&#39;t have locs, but i like the look of fatter locs versus the skinny ones or sister locs, that can be styled to look like straight hairstyles. it&#39;s just my preference and i&#39;ve helped to blow up certain members&#39; albums to compliment their fatter locs. what&#39;s wrong with admiring one style over another?

i don&#39;t like the look of puffs that are pulled taut just to create a wave pattern. it looks too contrived and unnatural. but again, that&#39;s just me and my preference. i don&#39;t have to like every chemical-free hairstyle just because i have chemical-free hair.

was the woman aware that her remark stung you a little when she said she prefers relaxed hair? who knows? probably not. i&#39;d just take the kind words she said about liking the size of your locs and forget about it.

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 07:01 PM
Ok I will restate this once again. We are not talking about preference, everyone has preference and anyone can hide behind this. We are talking about seeing the beauty in locks from people WHO HAVE LOCKS.

If you are not ready to talk about the ISSUE at hand or you do not have any ISSUES you most certainly dont have to post in this thread.

toy
02-24-2004, 07:04 PM
that&#39;s a d@mn shame, afrikankween! whatever self-hatred that mother has for her own hair shouldn&#39;t be directed at her daughter. she (the daughter) must be a strong person to have to endure that kind of abuse.


Originally posted by afrikankween@Feb 24 2004, 01:29 PM
I have noticed this on some of the hair forums I go to as well. This type of behavior is not limited to the relax. People with certain types of locs get their albums and posts blown up, while others are somewhat neglected.



i am sooooo glad you said this! as much as i appreciate the wonderful comments i receive towards my locs, i sometimes feel as if people are coveting them, rather than simply appreciating them as locs. i&#39;ve received numerous emails, PM&#39;s, and private guestbook entries over the past two years from numerous women who&#39;ve admitted to having hair different from mine, but nonetheless want to know my routine in minute detail. if i sense in any way that they&#39;re negatively complimenting me, i try to let them know that maybe locs aren&#39;t for them and/or advise them to research the process a bit more to get a better sense of what the locking experience might be for them.

just a couple of days ago i discovered that someone who&#39;d decided to actually pursue bradelocking had chosen to abandon the process after only a month or so. she&#39;d contacted me several times asking for tips/advice, and i offered as much information as i could, while at the same time giving her implicit warnings that maybe she wasn&#39;t ready (they may have been too implicit, lol). well, needless to say, she&#39;s since taken them down because the early, awkward stages of locking were causing her distress (although she attributes the reasons to other causes).

i realize that whatever choices we make towards our hair are our own, but it&#39;s frustrating and sometimes even painful to read stories about the letdown someone felt because their locs didn&#39;t look like mine (or Fauryn&#39;s, or Schiffon&#39;s, or LotsofLocs&#39;, or QueenLena&#39;s, or insert name here). this board (and many others) were created to offer support, encouragement, and inspiration, but some people place unrealistic expectations regarding just how much support can be offered.

LotsOfLocs
02-24-2004, 07:08 PM
These type of comments make me cringe. I was at the doctors office and the nurse told me your locs are nice and neat. They look better than others, especially those men. I hate this crap. I dont loc for vanity. Thats why I like them wrapped up. I dont time for negative energy.

mochacaremel
02-24-2004, 07:08 PM
I dunno Kween...I think this question is hard for me. The first thing that popped in my head was "I can&#39;t think of anything that I admire that does not appear neat" I mean, I love to see babies, but not babies with food smeared all over their faces...I love dogs, but not dogs that look malnourished. You feel me?

There is not one thing on earth that I can say I love no matter what its form, except maybe oxygen.

I cannot say that just because I am in love with locs asthetically speaking, that I can accept them in way shape or form, that is my honest opinion.

ETA: I would never say to anyone "I am so glad you don&#39;t have those fat nasty locs." That is not, and never has been my mentality. I would cringe to hear someone speak like that as well. So, if we are not talking about preferences one has, then are we speaking about prejudices? I have no prejudices against anyone wearing locs. Period. I would come to the defense of any freeformer, even I could never freeform myself...if that is what you mean, Kween.

Mocha

Leecee
02-24-2004, 07:09 PM
No, I can honestly say I don&#39;t find myself ooh and ahhing for the wrong reasons as far as neatness is concerned.

I have felt that people with long neat locs get more compliments and recognition than people with short locs or who are in the baby/teenage stage of locking.

Because I am going through the baby stage, I appreciate seeing short baby locs and the way do their own thing.

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 07:13 PM
Originally posted by mochacaremel@Feb 24 2004, 04:08 PM
I dunno Kween...I think this question is hard for me. The first thing that popped in my head was "I can&#39;t think of anything that I admire that does not appear neat" I mean, I love to see babies, but not babies with food smeared all over their faces...I love dogs, but not dogs that look malnourished. You feel me?

There is not one thing on earth that I can say I love no matter what its form, except maybe oxygen.

I cannot say that just because I am in love with locs asthetically speaking, that I can accept them in way shape or form, that is my honest opinion.

Mocha
First off Mocha, thanks for being honest!


The only thing I would say regarding your post is that to compare babies with mush on their face and malnourished dogs to locs that perhaps you may not admire at this point is to already assume that something is inherently wrong that set of locs. To me that is the root of the "problem".

thunderstorm
02-24-2004, 07:14 PM
africankween,

maybe i don&#39;t know what you meant by the word &#39;appreciating.&#39;

i can appreciate that someone loves their natural hair and loves what God gave them. but that doesn&#39;t mean i&#39;ll necessarily like the way they style their natural hair.

i don&#39;t think your question [if i&#39;m understanding it correctly] is answerable only by people who loc.

ETA: what&#39;s wrong with a loc wearer who has skinny, shiny, cultivated locs, not preferring the look of freeform, fuzzy, various-shaped locs? she can appreciate that they are a &#39;fellow locer&#39;, without liking the look of their locs. again...preference.

toy
02-24-2004, 07:16 PM
the issue is not about "style", it&#39;s much deeper than that. am i right, afrikankween?

mochacaremel
02-24-2004, 07:17 PM
Originally posted by afrikankween+Feb 24 2004, 03:13 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (afrikankween @ Feb 24 2004, 03:13 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-mochacaremel@Feb 24 2004, 04:08 PM
I dunno Kween...I think this question is hard for me. The first thing that popped in my head was "I can&#39;t think of anything that I admire that does not appear neat" I mean, I love to see babies, but not babies with food smeared all over their faces...I love dogs, but not dogs that look malnourished. You feel me?

There is not one thing on earth that I can say I love no matter what its form, except maybe oxygen.

I cannot say that just because I am in love with locs asthetically speaking, that I can accept them in way shape or form, that is my honest opinion.

Mocha
First off Mocha, thanks for being honest!


The only thing I would say regarding your post is that too compare babies with mush on their face and malnourished dogs to locs that perhaps you may not admire at this point is too alredy assume that something is inherently wrong that set of locs. To me that is the root of the "problem". [/b][/quote]
I went back and edited my post, to try and address what the real issue is here. If I didn&#39;t I will try one more time:

Babies with a messy face was meant to compare freeform locs (which are inherently beautiful) to freeform locs with gum stuck in them.

Mocha

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 07:17 PM
Originally posted by thunderstorm@Feb 24 2004, 04:14 PM
africankween,

maybe i don&#39;t know what you meant by the word &#39;appreciating.&#39;

i can appreciate that someone loves their natural hair and loves what God gave them. but that doesn&#39;t mean i&#39;ll necessarily like the way they style their natural hair.


I mean to see the beauty in.


i don&#39;t think your question [if i&#39;m understanding it correctly] is answerable only by people who loc.

Its not, but that is who I AM addressing my post too.

We are discussing the psychology of loc wearers and how they feel about other locs.

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 07:18 PM
Originally posted by toy+Feb 24 2004, 04:04 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (toy @ Feb 24 2004, 04:04 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> that&#39;s a d@mn shame, afrikankween! whatever self-hatred that mother has for her own hair shouldn&#39;t be directed at her daughter. she (the daughter) must be a strong person to have to endure that kind of abuse.

<!--QuoteBegin-afrikankween@Feb 24 2004, 01:29 PM
I have noticed this on some of the hair forums I go to as well. This type of behavior is not limited to the relax. People with certain types of locs get their albums and posts blown up, while others are somewhat neglected.



i am sooooo glad you said this! as much as i appreciate the wonderful comments i receive towards my locs, i sometimes feel as if people are coveting them, rather than simply appreciating them as locs. i&#39;ve received numerous emails, PM&#39;s, and private guestbook entries over the past two years from numerous women who&#39;ve admitted to having hair different from mine, but nonetheless want to know my routine in minute detail. if i sense in any way that they&#39;re negatively complimenting me, i try to let them know that maybe locs aren&#39;t for them and/or advise them to research the process a bit more to get a better sense of what the locking experience might be for them.

just a couple of days ago i discovered that someone who&#39;d decided to actually pursue bradelocking had chosen to abandon the process after only a month or so. she&#39;d contacted me several times asking for tips/advice, and i offered as much information as i could, while at the same time giving her implicit warnings that maybe she wasn&#39;t ready (they may have been too implicit, lol). well, needless to say, she&#39;s since taken them down because the early, awkward stages of locking were causing her distress (although she attributes the reasons to other causes).

i realize that whatever choices we make towards our hair are our own, but it&#39;s frustrating and sometimes even painful to read stories about the letdown someone felt because their locs didn&#39;t look like mine (or Fauryn&#39;s, or Schiffon&#39;s, or LotsofLocs&#39;, or QueenLena&#39;s, or insert name here). this board (and many others) were created to offer support, encouragement, and inspiration, but some people place unrealistic expectations regarding just how much support can be offered. [/b][/quote]
This is exactly what I am talking about.

mochacaremel
02-24-2004, 07:21 PM
Okay, I don&#39;t wanna take up bandwith, but to be honest the ONLY head of locs that I could not appreciate at all were the locs that belonged to the little girl whose locs were started with a perm. That is honestly the only head of locs I ever recoiled at. I love all locs that I have personally laid eyes on.

Okay, now that I think about it, I couldn&#39;t stand those locs that are for white people.

But that&#39;s it.

Mocha (a thousand apologizes if I still haven&#39;t &#39;gotten&#39; it, it&#39;s Mardi Gras, and let&#39;s just say "I&#39;m celebrating" LOL)

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 07:22 PM
Originally posted by mochacaremel@Feb 24 2004, 04:21 PM
apologizes if I still haven&#39;t &#39;gotten&#39; it, it&#39;s Mardi Gras, and let&#39;s just say "I&#39;m celebrating" LOL)
you have

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 07:28 PM
Originally posted by toy@Feb 24 2004, 04:16 PM
the issue is not about "style", it&#39;s much deeper than that. am i right, afrikankween?
Yes you are.

mochacaremel
02-24-2004, 07:30 PM
OKAY I GET IT!!

Kween, are you saying that you think some people with locs have a "complex" like how black people have prejudices within the race against dark-skinned blacks? Like only lightskinned blacks are pretty?

Are you saying you&#39;ve peeped that only the nice neat manicured cats get the praise and want to be emulated while the other forms are ignored and even hated on?

I have seen this and I can&#39;t stand it either. I have respect and admiration for people who have taken the journey first and foremost regardless of their appearance, and then I do not have a prejudice against those whose locs neither look like mine nor whose locs would I want to copy, and first of all I don&#39;t want to copy anyone.

I think you are speaking of people whose loc envy only envies the "socially accepted" locs, and that is sickening.

Mocha

toy
02-24-2004, 07:34 PM
Originally posted by mochacaremel@Feb 24 2004, 02:30 PM
OKAY I GET IT!!

Kween, are you saying that you think some people with locs have a "complex" like how black people have prejudices within the race against dark-skinned blacks? Like only lightskinned blacks are pretty?

Are you saying you&#39;ve peeped that only the nice neat manicured cats get the praise and want to be emulated while the other forms are ignored and even hated on?

I have seen this and I can&#39;t stand it either. I have respect and admiration for people who have taken the journey first and foremost regardless of their appearance, and then I do not have a prejudice against those whose locs neither look like mine nor whose locs would I want to copy, and first of all I don&#39;t want to copy anyone.

I think you are speaking of people whose loc envy only envies the "socially accepted" locs, and that is sickening.

Mocha
Mocha&#39;s having one of those "aha" moments, lol!

thunderstorm
02-24-2004, 07:34 PM
africankween,

why would it be wrong for a loc wearer not to like all types locs, in various stages of growth, by various methods of development, and of various textures?

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 07:40 PM
Originally posted by thunderstorm@Feb 24 2004, 04:34 PM
africankween,

why would it be wrong for a loc wearer not to like all types locs, in various stages of growth, by various methods of development, and of various textures?
Perhaps you need to go back and reread this thread. I have posted my intent of this thread several times. If you do not get the point, then that is your problem.

Wise1
02-24-2004, 07:41 PM
I feel you Afrikween and Toy. Mocha you get it now!! There seems to be a prejudice within the culture against ppl. who choose not to cultivate their locks.
I choose to cultivate my locks and I hate the deplorable compliments I get " your hair is so nice and neat, not like other ppl. I see." I always tell them " Well honey I do my own hair" My husband has free form locks and I love them everytime I get that back handed compliment I let them know, my husbands hair looks like that and I love them. I choose to cultivate my hair. Pll who sit in my chair to have their hair done will say these things to me, or they want their hair to look like mine.
I tell them, some of those ppl with the natty dread locks look down on you so quit judging. And yes Toy you are right there are too many ppl involved in these forums who think that way.

aquababie19
02-24-2004, 07:42 PM
i have received comments from people saying they like my locs better than someone i was with. one particular incident, i was with a sister who is rasta and has beautiful fats locs. i simply ignored their comments.

and yes i have seen this. i don&#39;t get into the "loc envy&#39; thing. it defeats the purpose of locing yourself. if you a loc&#39;er in your heart, you should see the beauty in locs, not just a specific style of locs. this relates back to the post about the freeform locs a few months back. some of the responses in were hard to handle

mochacaremel
02-24-2004, 07:48 PM
Originally posted by Wise1@Feb 24 2004, 03:41 PM
Mocha you get it now!!
Yo, it didn&#39;t take me too long. :tiptoe

Listen, when I first saw 23psalms thread about how her locs can swing now, my stomach turned because I thought it was one of &#39;those&#39; threads. But then I opened it and I saw she was only trying to celebrate her progress...but my first impression was of someone who wanted the weave syndrome via locks. That would turn my stomach. So glad I was wrong.

Mocha

thunderstorm
02-24-2004, 07:54 PM
africankween,

it&#39;s not necessary to be hostile. maybe my &#39;aha&#39; moments take a little longer to come around than others&#39;.

do you appreciate all locs, that is, do you find all locs beautiful?

i have a problem with someone made to feel bad because she &#39;should&#39; see the beauty in all locs, when really she only sees beauty in some locs.

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 08:01 PM
Originally posted by thunderstorm@Feb 24 2004, 04:54 PM
africankween,

it&#39;s not necessary to be hostile. maybe my &#39;aha&#39; moments take a little longer to come around than others&#39;.

do you appreciate all locs, that is, do you find all locs beautiful?

i have a problem with someone made to feel bad because she &#39;should&#39; see the beauty in all locs, when really she only sees beauty in some locs.
:offtopic

I am not hostile, I am just impatient with people who do not read for comprehension. Which seems to be a running theme around these parts lately.

All of the questions you have asked me are already answered in this thread.

You are now on ignore(which means I will not be responding to you anymore), because your lack of reading and understanding skills are causing this thread to move in a backwards fashion.

And its Afrikankween.

mochacaremel
02-24-2004, 08:03 PM
@thunderstorm,

okay, don&#39;t be mad, listen, the thinking that we are talking about goes beyond the surface, it&#39;s an acceptance for those on the journey and a rejection of a "eurocentric" loc mentality, for lack of a better way to explain it.

Mocha

thunderstorm
02-24-2004, 08:05 PM
wow.

toy
02-24-2004, 08:06 PM
Originally posted by thunderstorm@Feb 24 2004, 02:54 PM
africankween,

it&#39;s not necessary to be hostile. maybe my &#39;aha&#39; moments take a little longer to come around than others&#39;.

do you appreciate all locs, that is, do you find all locs beautiful?

i have a problem with someone made to feel bad because she &#39;should&#39; see the beauty in all locs, when really she only sees beauty in some locs.
thunderstorm, have you not read the posts in this thread? did you read mine or mochacaremel&#39;s numerous posts? or aquababie&#39;s? or Wise1&#39;s? the intent of this thread was never to discuss whether a certain type of locs are perceived to be better than another type by loc wearers. the point was and is how some people have a mentality in which they believe they&#39;re embracing the notion of locs as a whole, when in actuality they only perceive a certain type as "acceptable".

Patrina
02-24-2004, 08:12 PM
I can honestly say that I appreciate locs regardless of the looks. I more admire commitment of that person and their journey. There were pics of organic locs posted not too long ago and I actually liked them. They didn&#39;t look dirty or ugly. They looked like locs. Period. But then again, I am starting to have a bias. Anytime, I see locs, regardless of what type, I admire them. :thumbsup

Peace and Napptural hair grease :rainfro
Patrina

vuqua1
02-24-2004, 09:30 PM
Originally posted by afrikankween@Feb 24 2004, 03:29 PM
I have noticed this on some of the hair forums I go to as well. This type of behavior is not limited to the relax. People with certain types of locs get their albums and posts blown up, while others are somewhat neglected.

Have you ever caught yourself oohing and aahhing for all the wrong reasons?
I certainly did in the beginning of my napptural journey. However, as I have grown over the last year and had to come to grips with my own insecurities, I love ALL locs.

With that said, I like to wear my hair in different styles and can honestly admit that I would peruse an album with various styles more often than I would peruse an album of a freeformer who may not "style" their hair differently each month.

marissasensei
02-24-2004, 09:57 PM
Originally posted by Patrina@Feb 24 2004, 01:12 PM
I can honestly say that I appreciate locs regardless of the looks. I more admire commitment of that person and their journey. There were pics of organic locs posted not too long ago and I actually liked them. They didn&#39;t look dirty or ugly. They looked like locs. Period. But then again, I am starting to have a bias. Anytime, I see locs, regardless of what type, I admire them. :thumbsup

Same here. I don&#39;t necessarily like the look of all locs for myself (for example, I can&#39;t see myself rocking one big loc, like the guy in the organic locs thread). However, whenever I see locs, I am always in awe of the commitment. To see mature locs, especially, and think of all the history and energy wrapped up in one&#39;s hair is a powerful thing.

marissasensei
02-24-2004, 10:06 PM
Originally posted by toy@Feb 24 2004, 12:04 PM
i am sooooo glad you said this! as much as i appreciate the wonderful comments i receive towards my locs, i sometimes feel as if people are coveting them, rather than simply appreciating them as locs.


I struggle with something similar, since I also have very small locs. It makes me uncomfortable when people are complimenting me on my locs and the subtext seems to be, "whew, thank God they don&#39;t look like those locs." I hate the idea that people might see my hair and assume that I see my locs as more acceptable because they&#39;re small and "neat."

As a SL wearer, though, I&#39;ve also seen the other side of this, though, where people who have organic and/or larger locs view their hair as more &#39;authentic&#39; or laden with meaning than mine are. So the hierarchy of &#39;acceptable&#39; locs can go both ways.

Joyfulocs
02-24-2004, 10:19 PM
Originally posted by marissasensei+Feb 24 2004, 05:57 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (marissasensei @ Feb 24 2004, 05:57 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Patrina@Feb 24 2004, 01:12 PM
I can honestly say that I appreciate locs regardless of the looks. I more admire commitment of that person and their journey. There were pics of organic locs posted not too long ago and I actually liked them. They didn&#39;t look dirty or ugly. They looked like locs. Period. But then again, I am starting to have a bias. Anytime, I see locs, regardless of what type, I admire them. :thumbsup

Same here. I don&#39;t necessarily like the look of all locs for myself (for example, I can&#39;t see myself rocking one big loc, like the guy in the organic locs thread). However, whenever I see locs, I am always in awe of the commitment. To see mature locs, especially, and think of all the history and energy wrapped up in one&#39;s hair is a powerful thing. [/b][/quote]
ITA... It&#39;s an amazing thing.

Siennasilk
02-24-2004, 10:30 PM
I don&#39;t have locs (yet), but I do totally "get" what you guys are saying. I see that people with smaller and more cultivated locs have their albums BLOWN UP when the others barely have 5 comments. The same mentality goes for loose hair albums as well. It seems that the looser curl pattern, super long hair, and "pressing comb crazy" albums are always the most popular. These women are seen as gods here, the more their natural hairstyles look like "normal" white and permed society. This has always bothered me, even though I haven&#39;t been natural long.

And I just cringe when somebody wants locs just so their hair can swing like weave braids. I think there are many people here and elsewhere with locs that have this mentality, but you know what? They&#39;d never admit to it in 100 years. We might be a few steps past the perm, but we still have deeply ingrained issues.

23psalms
02-24-2004, 10:31 PM
Yo, it didn&#39;t take me too long.

Listen, when I first saw 23psalms thread about how her locs can swing now, my stomach turned because I thought it was one of &#39;those&#39; threads. But then I opened it and I saw she was only trying to celebrate her progress...but my first impression was of someone who wanted the weave syndrome via locks. That would turn my stomach. So glad I was wrong.

Mocha

Mocha,
I&#39;m glad you read my post to see that I was indeed just commenting on my progress. There are so many people out there that want the locs they see in magazines because they are so "neat", but I am not one of those folks. This entire process or journey has been an awakening for me, and I love ALL locs, be them short, long, thick or thin. God blessed me with this head full of nappy hair, and I embrace it and others who are strong enough to stay the course.

ini
02-24-2004, 10:44 PM
I am too am not locing (yet). Great topic.

I know personally I did not like all types of locs before I came to this board and got educated. Growing up in the VI I often saw organic locs and was bombarded with negative talk about them to the point where I had to (and still at times have to) dig myself out of that thought process and appreciate the great effort, energy and beauty in each head of locs.

At first I thought I would never loc my hair...then I decided I wanted sisterlocs because they were small and interesting looking. After being on this site for a while I must admit I became the &#39;anti-sisterlocs&#39; person thinking they just weren&#39;t authentic enough and were the easy way out.

Since then I&#39;ve learned and am still learning to love all locs from microscopic sisterlocs to big fat organic ones. Each loc wearer has a different story on their head in my mind and I am finally finding the equilibrium of views that I lacked. In doing so I know I&#39;m closer to the mindset I want to have when I start my own locs. I want the right energy because I believe my hair will tell a story and I want it to be a positive one, no matter whether I choose cultivated locs or to just let my hair do its thing.

edited for spelling

kaoticcoil
02-24-2004, 10:52 PM
I was the first to respond to this post, and I must admit that I did not get it at first. :doh My thoughts were totally on the surface :-P

I will admit that before I began loc&#39;ing, I did perceive some locs as nicer than others or neater than others. But no locs are alike. Loc&#39;ing is a personal journey & Whether it is through freeform or meticulous cultivation, locs are locs and should be respected equally.

It is unfortunate that people judge loc wearers based on the form their locs come in instead of accepting them all.

Kaoticcoil

Sunchild
02-24-2004, 11:10 PM
*wakes up from my nap

I am gald to come back to this thread and see that folks are actually getting what I was talking about. Thanks for the comments ladies.


and Ini your avatar :lol

SoulStar
02-24-2004, 11:38 PM
@Afrikankween-

Personally, I love the thick, two-headed, untwisted, uncultivated locs. I like them because they are free! Even when I was twistin&#39; my locs, they were never perfect. If we are looking for perfection in our hair...we will never be content. I think that the same misconceptions and perceptions about straight hair are finding there way into the loc&#39;dhead community...so much for loc liberation

Peace&Love

LBellatrix
02-24-2004, 11:52 PM
Before I started locking, the kinds of locs I liked tended to all fall in the same category: cultivated but not TOO cultivated, thin but not TOO thin, thick but not TOO thick, etc. :lol

Now that I&#39;m going through this journey for myself, I have a much better appreciation for ALL kinds of locs, even the kinds I wouldn&#39;t personally wear myself (see above). As Ini said so eloquently, each loc wearer has a different story on their head. :)

I do know, however, that the prejudice amongst loc-wearers can go in both directions. I have seen distinctions made between "true dreads" and "fashion dreads" and there are people who have purposely stopped locking (cut off their locs) because they felt it was becoming too much of a fad. I figure it is not my job to judge why people loc...I&#39;m just trying to take care of mine the best way I can.

I haven&#39;t received many compliments on my hair lately; if anything, people seem somewhat puzzled. :lol But given my own ambivalence towards long hanging hair and the way people fawn over it like it&#39;s something special (!), I can see myself probably doing something similar to LotsOfLocs and getting real adept with the buns and head coverings.

thunderstorm
02-25-2004, 12:04 AM
@mocha,

thanks. although some others here have merely reworded some of my sentiments, i do get what you are saying now. thanks for clarifying.

@afriKankween,

the more i reread your initial post, the more i liken it to those other naturals&#39; posts in this forum who have been crucified by veterans, not unlike yourself, for letting everyone know that someone told them they had "good hair." in fact, the more they act insulted by the "good hair" compliment, the more they reveal that they probably enjoyed the compliment very much.

you say the woman&#39;s remark was a negative compliment, but deep down, you were probably gleeming that someone thought enough of your skinny locs to say that she liked them better than her own daughter&#39;s, and you are craftily hiding behind this "all locs are beautiful" topic. now everyone knows you have nice, skinny locs and are getting "good hair" compliments in public.

sonshinescoils
02-25-2004, 12:19 AM
:huh

Sunchild
02-25-2004, 12:21 AM
Originally posted by thunderstorm@Feb 24 2004, 09:04 PM


@afriKankween,

the more i reread your initial post, the more i liken it to those other naturals&#39; posts in this forum who have been crucified by veterans, not unlike yourself, for letting everyone know that someone told them they had "good hair." in fact, the more they act insulted by the "good hair" compliment, the more they reveal that they probably enjoyed the compliment very much.

you say the woman&#39;s remark was a negative compliment, but deep down, you were probably gleeming that someone thought enough of your skinny locs to say that she liked them better than her own daughter&#39;s, and you are craftily hiding behind this "all locs are beautiful" topic. now everyone knows you have nice, skinny locs and are getting "good hair" compliments in public.
:lol

If you say so. I guess that goes for all the other people on here who expressed my same sentiments?

*shurgs

I am glad you finally reread it several times, took a while, but you finally accomplished something.

Are you signing up for my fan club too?

rockinlocs
02-25-2004, 12:24 AM
you say the woman&#39;s remark was a negative compliment, but deep down, you were probably gleeming that someone thought enough of your skinny locs to say that she liked them better than her own daughter&#39;s, and you are craftily hiding behind this "all locs are beautiful" topic. now everyone knows you have nice, skinny locs and are getting "good hair" compliments in public.

Thunderstorm,

You obviously have not seen AfrikanKween&#39;s pics because her locs are not skinny. They may not be as thick as the woman&#39;s daughter she spake of, but her locs are far from being skinny.

If I&#39;m not mistaken, they&#39;re actually about the size of frstdawn&#39;s if not a tad bit smaller.

Beryl
02-25-2004, 12:25 AM
Originally posted by ini@Feb 24 2004, 05:44 PM
...I&#39;ve learned and am still learning to love all locs from microscopic sisterlocs to big fat organic ones. Each loc wearer has a different story on their head in my mind and I am finally finding the equilibrium of views that I lacked. In doing so I know I&#39;m closer to the mindset I want to have when I start my own locs. I want the right energy because I believe my hair will tell a story and I want it to be a positive one, no matter whether I choose cultivated locs or to just let my hair do its thing.
:thumbsup

You said most of it for me. After several years of admiring a variety of locs (Bertice Berry&#39;s, Whoopie&#39;s, and Toni Morrison&#39;s), I never noticed myself oooing and ahhing over any particular type of locs.

I understand AK&#39;s point and believe that there are people at all stages of locking who prefer certain locs (not styles) over others depending on where they are mentally.

It is similar to how some folks idolize hair that is long (or big) and shows more length than some tightly coiled hair. Alternatively, some folks go ga-ga over hair that shines and has a looser curl than hair that does not. People who "get it" appreciate all naps. The nap can be tight or loose or shiny or sueded. (Actually, I&#39;ve had to check myself so that I don&#39;t ignore the hair of those with looser naps. Sisters with looser naps need love too.)

I agree w/marissasensei also. I&#39;ve experienced both sides of the coin. I&#39;ve read crap from SL haters and crap from those who only like my locs because they are seeking a eurocentric replacement. Both piles of crap stink.

Sunchild
02-25-2004, 12:26 AM
Originally posted by rockinlocs@Feb 24 2004, 09:24 PM

you say the woman&#39;s remark was a negative compliment, but deep down, you were probably gleeming that someone thought enough of your skinny locs to say that she liked them better than her own daughter&#39;s, and you are craftily hiding behind this "all locs are beautiful" topic. now everyone knows you have nice, skinny locs and are getting "good hair" compliments in public.

Thunderstorm,

You obviously have not seen AfrikanKween&#39;s pics because her locs are not skinny. They may not be as thick as the woman&#39;s daughter she spake of, but her locs are far from being skinny.

If I&#39;m not mistaken, they&#39;re actually about the size of frstdawn&#39;s if not a tad bit smaller.
Thanks Rockinlocks

But I wasnt going to even attempt to justify someone coming at me under a name with 74 posts like they know me. I toss people like that in my fan base, and ask to see the next number.



:razz

rockinlocs
02-25-2004, 12:30 AM
At first I thought I would never loc my hair...then I decided I wanted sisterlocs because they were small and interesting looking. After being on this site for a while I must admit I became the &#39;anti-sisterlocs&#39; person thinking they just weren&#39;t authentic enough and were the easy way out.

Since then I&#39;ve learned and am still learning to love all locs from microscopic sisterlocs to big fat organic ones. Each loc wearer has a different story on their head in my mind and I am finally finding the equilibrium of views that I lacked

Ini, girlll if you don&#39;t get outta my head! This is how I was and am. I used to not like locs of ANY sort. Then, I took to the skinny look of Sisterlocks. As time went on, I began to love locs no matter if they were skinny, thick, freeform or cultivated.

Organic locs are still growing on me. The more I see them, the more appreciation I am developing for them...I definitely have mad respect for the committment and dedication of the wearer.

But I am feeling all that you said above!

shuaia
02-25-2004, 01:12 AM
Originally posted by kaoticcoil@Feb 24 2004, 11:52 PM

It is unfortunate that people judge loc wearers based on the form their locs come in instead of accepting them all.

Kaoticcoil
amen! i too only saw this topic on the surface, but i get it now.
as kaoticcoil & marissasensei stated, the whole loc hierarchy thing goes both ways. i&#39;ve always loved the look of locs period & when it came time for my own journey i chose SL&#39;s because that was right for me, but i&#39;ve noticed how many are always stating that SL&#39;s aren&#39;t "authentic enough" or they&#39;re just not "real" locs...wth? isn&#39;t loc&#39;d hair just loc&#39;d hair no matter what the size or look of the loc? i love locs for the simple fact that no 2 people&#39;s crowns will look the same no matter what the method used. locs are so personal & individualized. locs also tell a lot about the person. it is so true what afrikankween said about the biases amongst loc wearers & the stereotypical thinking of those who aren&#39;t loc&#39;d, but feel that they "must" give up that backhanded compliment. again; locs are locs are locs and are all beautiful when you know the dedication, love, & time that went into that person&#39;s crown.

rockinlocs
02-25-2004, 01:35 AM
the look of locs period & when it came time for my own journey i chose SL&#39;s because that was right for me, but i&#39;ve noticed how many are always stating that SL&#39;s aren&#39;t "authentic enough" or they&#39;re just not "real" locs...wth? isn&#39;t loc&#39;d hair just loc&#39;d hair no matter what the size or look of the loc?

Shuaia, I feel where you&#39;re coming from, but I think that a lot of that stems from how SL&#39;s are marketed. Not to turn this thread into one of "those" debates, but having been a part of the yahoo group for SL&#39;s, I&#39;ve seen a LOT of very..."interesting" comments being made in regard to SL&#39;s vs. "traditional locs" as they&#39;re called.

I hear/read a lot of "Sisterlocks are different" or "Sisterlocks are NOT the same as "traditional locs"" or "I don&#39;t want my Sisterlocks to end up looking like "traditionals""

I think a lot of people spend so much time and focus on how "DIFFERENT" SL&#39;s are from other locs, that it causes those with "other locs" to view them as such...something other than locs.

Not all SL wearers are like that, but I&#39;ve seen enough of &#39;em to turn my stomach inside out.

But you&#39;re right, it can go both ways. I have mad respect for SL and think they&#39;re beautiful; I just get sick of "some" (not all) of the wearers wanting them to be respected as "regular ole&#39; locs" but at the same time and in the same breath, always harping on how "different" they are from "regular locs".

Sorry for taking this somewhat :offtopic

marissasensei
02-25-2004, 02:24 AM
ITA, rockinlocs. That is my biggest gripe with SL--the way they are marketed. Fundamentally, SL are dreadlocks, and yet, because of the marketing and target audience, there is an attitude among many SL wearers that their hair is entirely different from, and superior to, &#39;traditional&#39; locs. While I think SL are beautiful, I doubt that I will ever be comfortable with their advertising and fundamental attitude toward locs in general. I wish they would just let the locs speak for themselves, instead of playing up any similarities to long, straight, blowing in the breeze hair.

shuaia
02-25-2004, 02:29 AM
rockinlocs, i definitely feel you.

Beryl
02-25-2004, 03:00 AM
Originally posted by rockinlocs@Feb 24 2004, 08:35 PM
Not all SL wearers are like that, but I&#39;ve seen enough of &#39;em to turn my stomach inside out.
Frankly, I&#39;d like to prohibit certain people from getting any locs -- particularly SL. Not much anyone can do about that so they remain on the IGNORant list.

I&#39;m definitely not letting them spoil the freedom and enjoyment I&#39;ve found with locs. Folks who are having problem with my locs or anyone elses are dealing with their own demons. Not my problem.

teekydawg
02-25-2004, 03:10 AM
before i loc&#39;ed my daughters hair, i coveted one of her teacher&#39;s locs. his locs were so dag on beautiful. i realize now that was because he had the most cultivated loc&#39;s i had ever seen at that time. so when i loc&#39;d my daughters hair, i started out with really small twists.

approx 4 months after i had started them she visits her nana for the summer who also has locs. while with my mother her loc&#39;s really started to take form. (a lot of swimming) anyway when she returned she had thick loc&#39;s. well! this took some getting used to. i was a little peeved that my mother had connected so many of them and i found myself hating them. so first i went to locticians, then i cut some bangs, and all the while i was re-twisting weekly. i even kept trying to convince her to cut them out and start over.

today, thick roots no longer make me feel like i have to hurry up and re-touch and i have definetly developed an appreciation for the loc&#39;ing process and the beauty of all types of locs. i must say, that what i consider beautiful has changed. the more cultivated (or neat) the loc&#39;s the more european (or flat) they seem to me. they are still beautiful and most likely the route i would take if i did loc, but they are less appealing to me now.

so i&#39;ve definetly been able to grow as a result of my daughters decision to loc. it&#39;s amazing to see just how standards of beauty have been inbred in us. even if you appreciate the beauty of natural hair there is still a standard that we have for what is considered pleasing. the good news is that it can be changed.

mochacaremel
02-25-2004, 03:40 AM
Originally posted by 23psalms@Feb 24 2004, 06:31 PM
Mocha,
I&#39;m glad you read my post to see that I was indeed just commenting on my progress.
@23Psalms, no need for thanks, as this thread has shown READING is fundamental. Congrats on your progress!

@AK, shake the haters off.

@thunderstorm, listen hun, there is no need to come out your face like that (or rather your keyboard) this board has a lot of veterans on it that have seen the gamut of loc wearers, wanna-be&#39;s, haters, you name it. So patience for those who don&#39;t even want to take the time to read a thread in it&#39;s entirety is thin. I am sure you can understand how that is.

@Teekydawg, I think you just gave a testimony, girl! :app

Mocha

toy
02-25-2004, 01:35 PM
Originally posted by rockinlocs@Feb 24 2004, 08:35 PM

the look of locs period & when it came time for my own journey i chose SL&#39;s because that was right for me, but i&#39;ve noticed how many are always stating that SL&#39;s aren&#39;t "authentic enough" or they&#39;re just not "real" locs...wth? isn&#39;t loc&#39;d hair just loc&#39;d hair no matter what the size or look of the loc?

Shuaia, I feel where you&#39;re coming from, but I think that a lot of that stems from how SL&#39;s are marketed. Not to turn this thread into one of "those" debates, but having been a part of the yahoo group for SL&#39;s, I&#39;ve seen a LOT of very..."interesting" comments being made in regard to SL&#39;s vs. "traditional locs" as they&#39;re called.

I hear/read a lot of "Sisterlocks are different" or "Sisterlocks are NOT the same as "traditional locs"" or "I don&#39;t want my Sisterlocks to end up looking like "traditionals""

I think a lot of people spend so much time and focus on how "DIFFERENT" SL&#39;s are from other locs, that it causes those with "other locs" to view them as such...something other than locs.

Not all SL wearers are like that, but I&#39;ve seen enough of &#39;em to turn my stomach inside out.

But you&#39;re right, it can go both ways. I have mad respect for SL and think they&#39;re beautiful; I just get sick of "some" (not all) of the wearers wanting them to be respected as "regular ole&#39; locs" but at the same time and in the same breath, always harping on how "different" they are from "regular locs".

Sorry for taking this somewhat :offtopic
well said, rockinlocs!

LOCSOFAST
02-25-2004, 01:39 PM
Originally posted by afrikankween@Feb 24 2004, 08:21 PM
I am glad you finally reread it several times, took a while, but you finally accomplished something.

Are you signing up for my fan club too?

:pop :-P


Can i get one of those &#39;Free Chi Ali&#39; shirts from there? (those are hot!) :thumbsup :d) (i need a long live &#39;Big-L" visor too)

niknik
02-25-2004, 02:33 PM
I am really glad that someone has brought this up because I have experienced negative attitudes by my friends. They don&#39;t understand the reason for locing or should I say the reason why I am locing; they just think it&#39;s another style. They will see someone&#39;s locs that are really neat and ask me if that is how I want mine to turn out. They would even have the audacity to say that someone&#39;s locs are too big or ugly. I just look at them and shake my head. It is not about a style, its the journey or experience of locing. Its the spiritual part that I am embracing. I am becoming united with the what I naturally am, my heritage, and my defiance. I don&#39;t know if I am explaining this correctly but I love to see people locing because it is a way to show who they are or who they are becoming. It is not about the style or the neatness but the personality the locs themselves have. They represent something to everyone, not just fashion. If I haven&#39;t answered the question Afrikankween was initially asking, I apologize. I just wanted to express my feelings on the topic.

kenyalikimmie
02-25-2004, 03:22 PM
I feel like this... I honestly can say that when I first began my locing journey, I kept saying that I did not want my locs to look unkempt. ( locs but new growth all over the place looking matted) I did not realize that locing comes in all shapes and sizes. So I truely was a negative person then. Now that I am growing and maintaining my locs I get good comments and still bad comments from the same young woman at school everytime I see her. She feels I should go to her loctician instead of doing my own hair. She is making me feel as though my locs are not good enough. I have to admit since I continue to maintain my own locs, my hair is growing faster and and longer than hers. So I know how it feels from both ends.

crazylikedatglue
02-25-2004, 03:55 PM
When I was in OLd Navy the other day, the girls behind me whispered "I like her locs. They don&#39;t look nasty like some peoples!!" SHUT UP!!! All locs are beautiful to me!!!!

NaturallyJade
02-25-2004, 06:26 PM
Locs are beautiful. I like seeing th various stages from babies - elderly. I went to Fresh Fields on my lunch break. I was proud to see such a variety of locs in that store. (I always see locs in that store.) There were fat, medium, skinny, cultivated, freeform. I saw them on black and white people. Loc&#39;s are beautiful.

I have wanted locs for almost 4 years. It did not feel like it was my time until this past January. I knew it was my time to begin my loc journey. I am so happy I did. :)

Glanza_Gurl
02-25-2004, 06:42 PM
I am probably going to get alot of bashing for this but I still have to air my opinion....

clothes look nice but you must agree that not all clothes suit a person, and also if you wear your clothes shabily, that also does snot look appropriate, the same theory can be applied to hair.....

it&#39;s basically how you wear the locs, not just the locs themselves.....maybe the lady&#39;s daughter&#39;s locs really did not suit her (the style she had them in or the way she loced them).....

One should not expect that just because you go back to your roots that this means that any way you wear your hair nappy should therefore be accepted...there will always be a limit to how far you take your nappturality......

there are really some loc styles that are not appealing to the eye....i see no reason for bashing people becasue they cannot appreciate a particular style..that&#39;s there perogative....

the most important thing is that the individual wearing the style is comfortable

LotsOfLocs
02-25-2004, 07:09 PM
Originally posted by Glanza_Gurl@Feb 25 2004, 02:42 PM
there will always be a limit to how far you take your nappturality......


Ha, no one has a limit for bone straight her though.

Nappturals and Blacks have problems with hair that is too nappy, period. The Rasta man has always warned of the wolves. There are a lot of wolves among the sheep. When the nap fad is over you will see who the wolves are.

rockinlocs
02-25-2004, 07:26 PM
Originally posted by Glanza_Gurl@Feb 25 2004, 03:42 PM
I am probably going to get alot of bashing for this but I still have to air my opinion....

clothes look nice but you must agree that not all clothes suit a person, and also if you wear your clothes shabily, that also does snot look appropriate, the same theory can be applied to hair.....

it&#39;s basically how you wear the locs, not just the locs themselves.....maybe the lady&#39;s daughter&#39;s locs really did not suit her (the style she had them in or the way she loced them).....

One should not expect that just because you go back to your roots that this means that any way you wear your hair nappy should therefore be accepted...there will always be a limit to how far you take your nappturality......

there are really some loc styles that are not appealing to the eye....i see no reason for bashing people becasue they cannot appreciate a particular style..that&#39;s there perogative....

the most important thing is that the individual wearing the style is comfortable
Just wanted to say that growing locs is not a style. How one wears the locs i.e. pinned up, pulled back, cornrowed, etc...that&#39;s the STYLE. http://www.nappturality.com/modules/ipboar...showtopic=22617 (http://www.nappturality.com/modules/ipboard/index.php?showtopic=22617)

But locs themselves are not a style. Each person decides how they will grow them i.e. freeform, organic, etc.

This girl&#39;s mom, according to the original post, had issues with her daughter having thick (jump rope as she called them) locs. Period. Just like most folks who aren&#39;t locked come with that "Oh, I like the ones that are thin and nice and neat; but I don&#39;t like Whoopi&#39;s or those big ones"

Those are THEIR hang ups. For all we know, that girls locks were probably BANGIN&#39;, as I&#39;m sure they were!

Folks say that "suit you stuff" like with TWA&#39;s. "Oh, not everyone can wear a TWA". :rolling To me, that&#39;s like someone saying, "That skin tone doesn&#39;t suit you" or "That nappy hair doesn&#39;t suit you...you&#39;re too pretty for nappy hair and you should perm it"

Come on now. So, you&#39;re basically saying that SOME folks can get away with wearing freeform or organic locs while others shouldn&#39;t go there? That SOME folks NEED to wear their locs manicured to suit them? Hmmm...so which type of person should wear which type of locs?

I truly believe there are some deep-seeded reasons that one type of locs are more aesthically pleasing to the eye than others. That is what this thread is all about...recognizing that. Just as some hair textures are more "accepted" than others :duck

BTW, maybe I missed it, but who in this thread bashed someone for not liking a certain type of locs? Also, you said there are limits to how far one takes their nappturality... :huh A person&#39;s only limits should be the one&#39;s they place on themselves, not what others think or feel they should be.

alma2254
02-25-2004, 07:59 PM
LotsOfLocs Posted on Feb 25 2004, 08:09 PM


Nappturals and Blacks have problems with hair that is too nappy, period. The Rasta man has always warned of the wolves. There are a lot of wolves among the sheep. When the nap fad is over you will see who the wolves are.

:thumbsup

niknik
02-25-2004, 07:59 PM
@Glanza_Gurl,

I don&#39;t really understand what you mean by a limit on one&#39;s nappturality. There is no limit; letting your hair do its natural thing has no limit. Before I became napptural, I had a view somewhat like that but I always respected those who were, no matter what they did to their hair or allowed their hair to do. During my own journey, I&#39;ve learned that all types are beautiful. Like Rockinlocs said, locs aren&#39;t a style. We shouldn&#39;t look at them in that way- I like those but I don&#39;t like those over there. But perhaps I misunderstood your comment, please elaborate on that.

Inspired
02-25-2004, 08:34 PM
It&#39;s called the "Box Complex"

Some people like to have nice little boxes that they could pack things neat and nice and store them up!! :lol

thenewme
02-26-2004, 01:32 AM
Originally posted by afrikankween@Feb 24 2004, 02:29 PM
Have you ever caught yourself oohing and aahhing for all the wrong reasons?
afrikankween,

After reading the numerous post to this thread, I feel that I can finally add something to the subject. :tiptoe

We as african americans (if there are others, then this is not for you) have always been divided. We have always had a problem with the color of our skin, who has more money, who can show more "ice, or drive the nicer cars. It is sad to say that this negativity is carried over into our hair styles and what we wear. You would think that after 400+ years we would realize that we are beautiful in all shapes, sizes and the way someone locs look.

I am a neo and must admit that when i decided to loc, I ooh&#39;d and aah&#39;d at different pictures to start my locs, but that was a (oh oh here goes that word again) preference. I can honestly say that I am amazed at the diversity of locs. Each head has a different story or journey, spiritual or fad. Locs are a thing beautiful if looked at through eyes that are not blinded by a society that we as african americans have not learned to change but continue to add to it.

You would think we would learn by now.:cry:

sorry to go kinda :offtopic but this was the only way I could say what I thought.

afrikankween, I look at everyone that has a site (www) I can get into. I would like to see yours also.

Oh........Any room left for fan mail :)

adixon
02-26-2004, 02:12 AM
A wonderful topic to make you look deep down inside yourself. I would say that I&#39;ve made comments out of my ignorance. I must admitt that this site has allowed me to obtain an insight and education I could have never paid for. Being in my 40&#39;s (see how we hide) a lot of these negative attitudes come from what we have heard a as child through adulthood. If each person educates just one it&#39;s a start. Thanks afrikankween for helping me to be more aware. Since beginning this journey my perspective has changed. The longer you live the more you learn. I also to would love to see your photos.

amalah9
02-26-2004, 05:30 AM
We as Black folk got some messed up ways of thinking when it comes to hair. I&#39;ve been laughed at by some permies cause I was trying to style my locs (french roll, curl, crimp,etc), I&#39;ve been criticized by fellow locers for the same reason, I&#39;ve been criticized by organics & freeformers cause I choose to have skinny locs & cultivate them. So I say some Black folk are gonna always find something negative to say about nappy hair (whether they have nappy hair or not). I&#39;m not surprised at what that Girl&#39;s mama said &#39;kween. It&#39;s just Black folk acting out. Some of us don&#39;t know no better. Maybe I&#39;ll pull my 100% human hair silky auburn 18" wig outta the attic and sport it tomorrow. That way Black folk can criticize me some more for trying to &#39;fake the funk&#39;.

BTW: I luv locs in all forms. I never knew there was a such thing as a person having only 1,2,or 3 locs on their head till I joined this discussion group. I thought that was pretty cool.

As I see it, All Locs Are Nappy Hair PERIOD. And therein lies the common thread that should connect all loc wearers. But unfortunately, some people don&#39;t recognize that.

ChocolatChaud
02-26-2004, 02:14 PM
I remember when I first told my mom that I was going to start locking. She said "just make sure they are neat". I was kinda like :smug "okay..." and it made me want to go organic and only have 2 big natty antennae on my head just to spite her. But I decided that was not what I personally wanted. I will admit though that in the beginning I was still a little brainwashed. I definately was "Miss Maintenance" to the fullest because I didn&#39;t want the kink to show. Freeform and organic weren&#39;t even on the radar for me. At first I couldn&#39;t appreciate the beauty of freeform and organic because I hadn&#39;t really been exposed to it. I&#39;ve come along way in my journey, it takes time to undo years of conditioning. Now I appreciate the whole spectrum. My locks are a way of life for me, not a fashion. And I realize that locks are like fingerprints, no matter how hard we try, we can never exactly duplicate the look of someone else&#39;s locks. And why should we want to look like someone else anyways?

FlyGemini
02-26-2004, 08:05 PM
I don&#39;t see what the big deal is. The main thing is people need to respect the fact that everyone doesn&#39;t have a deep, spirtual reason for wearing locs. Personally the most important thing to me is not putting harsh chemicals into my head to force it into something that wasn&#39;t meant to be.

But on the topic, I think the WAY some people express their opinions can be ignorant, but everyone has preferences. I, for one, have yet to see a head of organic/"freeform" locs that look nice (to ME). I mean, I love my nappy hair and my locs, but I like looking cute just as much. Some styles just ain&#39;t cute (to ME).

SwissMocha
02-26-2004, 08:32 PM
So much I wanna say, I don&#39;t know where to start...I always thought bein natural was beautiful but I could never bring myself to actually go natural...I was always worried about what people would think...now that I&#39;ve matured, I&#39;ve been natural since December of last year and I don&#39;t regret it one bit...however, ever since, I&#39;ve been gettin negative comments from people like my mom, sister, etc....the other night, my mom told me that dreadlocks are nasty and my sister agreed (I&#39;m in the process of locin) so I had to stand up to them...I told them that this is what I decided to do and if they don&#39;t like it so what...I told them that I came into this world with natural hair and I&#39;m gonna leave with natural hair...I told them because they wanna be permheads and not embrace the beauty of bein natural, that doesn&#39;t mean they have to bash me because I woke up and realized the perm was not for me...my mom said that there was a time I couldn&#39;t wait to get a perm and that she can&#39;t see herself walkin around with a nappy head...I had to just leave them with what they felt...I got what I had to say out and that was that...I knew I was gonna loc eventually...locs hold so much spiritual meaning to me...it&#39;s my roots and after bein brainwashed for so many years, I wanna embrace my heritage...but to be honest, there was a time when I would see the free-formers and the organics and go, "I don&#39;t want my locs to look like that"...I&#39;ve grown so much now and to me all locs are beautiful...it&#39;s not about how they look, it&#39;s the personality behind it all and no matter which route a person takes on their journey to locdom, their locs and someone else&#39;s locs won&#39;t turn out the same...

@niknik and ChocolatChaud--> I definitely feel ya&#39;ll and what ya&#39;ll stated in your posts

@ Afrikankween, obviously this girls mother has some issues and she&#39;s entitled to her own opinion but she really needs to respect her daughter and what her daughter feels to do...I don&#39;t have an album yet but I&#39;m always checkin out other people&#39;s albums, I would like to check yours out if that&#39;s ok with u...

@ Glanza_Gurl--> what do u mean by "there will always be a limit to how far you take your nappturality..?"...

@LotsOfLocs--> [quote] Nappturals and Blacks have problems with hair that is too nappy, period. The Rasta man has always warned of the wolves. There are a lot of wolves among the sheep. When the nap fad is over you will see who the wolves are. [quote] :thumbsup

Sorry for the rambling :blah :blah, I tend to do that sometimes...if this seems to be somewhat :offtopic , excuse me but I had to vent a little too...for whoever reads this, stay grounded
Peace and Love

Lyn
02-26-2004, 10:56 PM
First time posting on the loc board, I&#39;ve been locing for awhile now, and I have had those feelings in the begining.
At first I thought everyone had the same type of locs when I decided to loc my hair.
I also thought every loced head looked the same (ignorant)
When I found out about loc groups on the net I was one who spoke and thought ignorantly about SLs, I DON"T feel that way anymore.
Most people don&#39;t get it untill they have been loced for awhile, some don&#39;t.
I respect a Twister, an SL wearer, an organic, braid locs, freeform and any other way there is to loc.
I&#39;m past the my way is better than your way stage, usually when you are doing your own head how ever way you are doing you respect the next person who also has locs.

I respect and admire a loc that has 2, 3, or even 4 heads on it.
I hate that I fell into the black hole as others have when we have admired CERTAIN types of locs, but I think that it is a part of growth, some people get IT from the beginning and some don&#39;t.

I was one that did&#39;nt get it from the begining but I get it now.
Glanz_Gurl i think was right when she said there will always be limits to how far we go nappturality, I get from that statement that others will put verbal limits on our naturalness, I&#39;m natural but I hot comb, I&#39;m natural but I wear braids, I have locs and I don&#39;t EVER want my locs to look like those locs, Locs should be twisted, locs should not be twisted, they are too fat, they are too skinny....the list goes on and on.
I pray for the day that it all does not matter
Sorry if I was&#39;nt on topic

alma2254
02-27-2004, 01:01 PM
ChocolatChaud Posted on Feb 26 2004, 03:14 PM

I remember when I first told my mom that I was going to start locking. She said "just make sure they are neat". I was kinda like "okay..." and it made me want to go organic and only have 2 big natty antennae on my head just to spite her.

oh my! That brings back memories! It wasn&#39;t so much my mom who felt that way (she has always encouraged me to do what I want and respects it) but from my dad and brother -who&#39;s ignorance still stays with them to this day, concerning natural hair issues. Some people never change, no matter if they decide to accept my locs, they will always see other locs as &#39;messy&#39; and &#39;dirty&#39; :rolling

Lyn Posted on Feb 26 2004, 11:56 PM

I&#39;m past the my way is better than your way stage, usually when you are doing your own head how ever way you are doing you respect the next person who also has locs.

I respect and admire a loc that has 2, 3, or even 4 heads on it.
I hate that I fell into the black hole as others have when we have admired CERTAIN types of locs, but I think that it is a part of growth, some people get IT from the beginning and some don&#39;t.

Let me add to that... :d)

I hate that I was so naiive to think that all locs looked the same or became locs over-night.

I hate that I prayed for &#39;neater type&#39; locs at the very early stages of my journey and felt dissappointed that mine never quite looked &#39;right&#39; (like I was doing something wrong!) :doh

But like you said Lyn, it is part of the growth and I&#39;ve come a long way from putting locs into categories.

All the negativity from people who feel they have to give comments like &#39;locs look better neat&#39; doesn&#39;t bother me anymore. Their ignorance is not my problem. Locing is a spiritual event, not a look that goes tomorrow.

I :heart :d) :heart the way locs look on everyone-of all textures, growth and forms. Locs are locs, its beautiful!

paulicia
02-27-2004, 11:43 PM
Originally posted by aquababie19@Feb 24 2004, 02:42 PM
i have received comments from people saying they like my locs better than someone i was with. one particular incident, i was with a sister who is rasta and has beautiful fats locs. i simply ignored their comments.

and yes i have seen this. i don&#39;t get into the "loc envy&#39; thing. it defeats the purpose of locing yourself. if you a loc&#39;er in your heart, you should see the beauty in locs, not just a specific style of locs. this relates back to the post about the freeform locs a few months back. some of the responses in were hard to handle
Wow! This is a pretty flammable topic! But I personally can&#39;t understand why anyone would consider one set of locs better than another. There is nothing wrong w/ having a preference, true, but if that pref. is for all the wrong reasons I think it stinks.
The only locs I really have a prob. w/ are sisterlocs (sorry if I offend anyone on this board :duck ), but that is a whole different thread. Otherwise, I find all locs beautiful, especially freeform. It disturbs me when others can&#39;t see past what they feel is "messy hair". They can&#39;t see past what they can&#39;t understand.

PrincessDrRe
02-28-2004, 02:22 AM
How &#39;bout this.........

I LOVE LOCS. I LOVE THE FREEFORM. I LOVE THEM CULTURED. I LOVED THEM DYED. I LOVE THEM NATURALLY COLORED. I LOVE THEM SHORT. I LOVE THEM LONG. I LOVE THEM NEW. I LOVE THEM OLD. I LOVE THEM SMALL AND ROUND. I LOVE THEM FAT WITH BUMPS. I LOVE LOCS, PERIOD. **The only locs I don&#39;t like are some with a dead fish sittin&#39; in the middle of the bun, stankin&#39; up the place......so far, I haven&#39;t seen this therefore I take you back to my beginning premise.....**

I LOVE LOCS!!!

Tabbitha68
03-02-2004, 06:00 PM
let me add my two cents in:

It looks to me like a matter of choice. I prefer the locks that are neat asymetrically for myself. Although mine are a long way from that. They are only three months. I think "the nature of my hair" will decide if they are going look they way "I envision" they should.

But even thought I dont choose larger, chunky locs I dont think that they are less beautiful, they are just for those who like them. I admire hair, black hair, what it is capable of doing in its natural state with no alteration. And that is the true beauty of it all. Its not easy to embrace what is god given when we have been conditioned so long to like what "everybody else" thinks we should like.

Thats why locing is a journey. And a choice.

toy
08-29-2004, 09:19 PM
bumping for someone...

Natural Kinks
08-29-2004, 09:33 PM
The thoughts and comments of this thread ring so much truth and are SO useful! Thanks for the bump Toy! :thumbsup

blufaerie
08-29-2004, 09:42 PM
Originally posted by PrincessDrRe@Feb 27 2004, 10:22 PM
How &#39;bout this.........

I LOVE LOCS!!!
WORD! :thumbsup :rainfro

PHRIZZY
08-30-2004, 12:14 AM
I love some people&#39;s locs but I dislike other people&#39;s locs. I don&#39;t feel that I HAVE to SEE the beauty in locs as a whole. Let&#39;s face, in the end, hair is hair. I know that there are many people who go through a spiritual process with their locs. But for me, it ain&#39;t that deep, sorry. It&#39;s just hair to me. SO YEAH, I have a preference for certain types of locs and some types of locs I wouldn&#39;t touch with a ten ft. pole. OH WELL!!

kutekinks
08-30-2004, 05:16 AM
Originally posted by ini@Feb 24 2004, 03:44 PM
I know personally I did not like all types of locs before I came to this board and got educated. Growing up in the VI I often saw organic locs and was bombarded with negative talk about them to the point where I had to (and still at times have to) dig myself out of that thought process and appreciate the great effort, energy and beauty in each head of locs.


I&#39;ve begun locing and I&#39;m sooo glad I read this post.


Although I would never actually say what that lady said, I don&#39;t think my mentality is that far away. :smug


I do have a prejudice when it comes to locs. I&#39;m sorry if I am offending anyone, but it&#39;s been hard for me to admit it until now. I&#39;ve always been so aware of judgements that I pass, esp. when it comes to black self-appreciation. :huh I&#39;ve always been so conscious.


I&#39;m glad I read this so I can get over that mentality.


Ini puts it best. And this was a great topic. Thanks Afrikankween.

Trula
08-30-2004, 07:10 AM
I have a lock prejudice in that I don&#39;t like locks that are dirty or smell bad. I&#39;m not talking about lint, I&#39;m talking about dirt and twigs and gunk being all wrapped up in the locks. I have seen locks like this, and people have told me that they have their hair this way for spiritual reasons. I should not judge and I am just an agnostic heathen anyway, but I don&#39;t think that god/goddess wants them walking around with a bird&#39;s nest full of garbage and creepy crawlies running around their scalp. But that&#39;s just me.

I don&#39;t think thick locks are worse or uglier than thin locks, it depends on the person and how it looks on them and their reasons, to me. There is definitely a lot of this prejudice floating around, people say to me all the time that they like my hair and not locks like those OTHER people, or exclaim that they didn&#39;t know locs could look so nice or that they only saw ugly locks before seeing mine.

mochacaremel
08-30-2004, 09:41 AM
Man, at this time in my life I am so hungry just to see locks on people who have had them for at least 2 years, I don&#39;t care HOW they&#39;ve been maintained, I just want to see, crave to see, HAVE to see locs that are mature!

There is a definite deficiency in my ability to gaze upon locks that have been around for more than 2 years...

It makes my loc album hunger insatiable. I will OOH and AHH over any loc album that meets this qualification. I love seeing the whole journey in a person&#39;s album and I wish I could see more.

That is about the only loc prejudice I am experiencing right now. Which is not to say I am not feeling the newbies (like me) but dag, where are the old heads?

Mocha (just being honest)

KinkyCoils
08-30-2004, 06:26 PM
Originally posted by mochacaremel@Aug 30 2004, 04:41 AM
Man, at this time in my life I am so hungry just to see locks on people who have had them for at least 2 years, I don&#39;t care HOW they&#39;ve been maintained, I just want to see, crave to see, HAVE to see locs that are mature!

There is a definite deficiency in my ability to gaze upon locks that have been around for more than 2 years...

It makes my loc album hunger insatiable. I will OOH and AHH over any loc album that meets this qualification. I love seeing the whole journey in a person&#39;s album and I wish I could see more.

That is about the only loc prejudice I am experiencing right now. Which is not to say I am not feeling the newbies (like me) but dag, where are the old heads?

Mocha (just being honest)
Ditto!

nattylocks
08-31-2004, 09:13 PM
This was very enlightening reading. Just about every angle was covered.

I can appreciate all kinds of locs, even the ones I wouldn&#39;t think are for me, especially when the wearer wants to share aspects of their journey. However their locs look, I presume they&#39;ve looked in the mirror and are okay with it, so I just register that as being them, while it might not be something I&#39;d personally be into. When and if they want to change it, they&#39;ll do it. I would never open my big mouth and make a rude comment about it or them, that&#39;s just plain common civil courtesy.

When I see or hear about white people with locs, then I&#39;ll take that as a political or spiritual thing, since I presume it&#39;s more involved for them to get it locking up. I might be wrong on that one, haven&#39;t studied it a whole lot.

luvlilocs
08-31-2004, 11:12 PM
Wow, interesting topic.

Mochacaramel, I feel you. I do the same thing. No offense to the newbies, but I also like viewing pic albums of folks with mature locs (locs older than 2 years). Don&#39;t get me wrong; I LOVE LOOKING AT LOCS, PERIOD!! However, being someone who has 9 year old mature locs ("an old head") I like to see others who also are in the same boat as me. I like to see how they style their hair, know what their routine is, etc., etc.

But when it comes down to the various ways folks start their locs(freeform, cultivated, sistalocs, braidlocs, etc, etc.) I SIMPLY LOVE ALL OF THEM!! :-)

utamu
09-04-2007, 01:40 PM
I&#39;m a loc newbie (3 months) but I&#39;ve already gotten a few comments along the lines of: "you&#39;re locking?? Wow, your hair looks so nice, not all raggedy/nasty like I would expect" <_<

BabySoft
09-05-2007, 05:57 AM
It&#39;s called the "Box Complex"

Some people like to have nice little boxes that they could pack things neat and nice and store them up!! :lol
[/b]

Agree!

delleaux
09-05-2007, 02:19 PM
I am not surprised at all. I can&#39;t help but realize that some have lingering self hatred even with locked hair. Especially when referred to the roots. Overtwisting and manipulation to me is a subliminal message big time. If you know what type of hair you have who cares if your roots are fuzzy your hair is kinky. I do not palmroll for aesthetics just maintaining them and preventing them from creeping among each other. I have no qualms if my roots puff up again! I have strangers come up your locks are so neat and clean not too fat! Whatever! Ignorance can not be bliss sometimes.

highnaptitude
09-05-2007, 04:45 PM
"I am not surprised at all. I can&#39;t help but realize that some have lingering self hatred even with locked hair. Especially when referred to the roots. Overtwisting and manipulation to me is a subliminal message big time. If you know what type of hair you have who cares if your roots are fuzzy your hair is kinky. I do not palmroll for aesthetics just maintaining them and preventing them from creeping among each other. I have no qualms if my roots puff up again! I have strangers come up your locks are so neat and clean not too fat! Whatever! Ignorance can not be bliss sometimes."


Delleaux, I certainly agree with you here. I&#39;m not tryna call anybody out, but I&#39;ve looked at many loc journeys via Fotki photos, and I&#39;ve seen over time how overmanipulation can take it&#39;s toll on one&#39;s locs over the years. When they start out the locs look great but after a couple of years down the road you can see that the person is preoccupied with keeping the parts square and that their overtwisting is not only causing the loc to become thin at the scalp&#39;s rootbase, but there&#39;s also lotsa of scalp showing (tension alopecia).....we shouldn&#39;t obsess about twisting every kink and curl out of hair....It defeats the intent of having locs in the first place.

delleaux
09-05-2007, 05:11 PM
"I am not surprised at all. I can&#39;t help but realize that some have lingering self hatred even with locked hair. Especially when referred to the roots. Overtwisting and manipulation to me is a subliminal message big time. If you know what type of hair you have who cares if your roots are fuzzy your hair is kinky. I do not palmroll for aesthetics just maintaining them and preventing them from creeping among each other. I have no qualms if my roots puff up again! I have strangers come up your locks are so neat and clean not too fat! Whatever! Ignorance can not be bliss sometimes."
Delleaux, I certainly agree with you here. I&#39;m not tryna call anybody out, but I&#39;ve looked at many loc journeys via Fotki photos, and I&#39;ve seen over time how overmanipulation can take it&#39;s toll on one&#39;s locs over the years. When they start out the locs look great but after a couple of years down the road you can see that the person is preoccupied with keeping the parts square and that their overtwisting is not only causing the loc to become thin at the scalp&#39;s rootbase, but there&#39;s also lotsa of scalp showing (tension alopecia).....we shouldn&#39;t obsess about twisting every kink and curl out of hair....It defeats the intent of having locs in the first place.
[/b]

Aint that the truth. I do not palmroll for months and I have to honestly say since I started washing my hair more often and palmroll less my locks look much better. Locks arent meant to be over manipulated. Unfortunately with the trend of locking I see there are so many with issues of their hair looking too thin or not growing because they can&#39;t simply let nature do its thing! Locking is not a hard process. Once someone comes to terms with their hair and expectations not gravitating to others hair they will realize their hair is just as beautiful. :-)



Man, at this time in my life I am so hungry just to see locks on people who have had them for at least 2 years, I don&#39;t care HOW they&#39;ve been maintained, I just want to see, crave to see, HAVE to see locs that are mature!

There is a definite deficiency in my ability to gaze upon locks that have been around for more than 2 years...

It makes my loc album hunger insatiable. I will OOH and AHH over any loc album that meets this qualification. I love seeing the whole journey in a person&#39;s album and I wish I could see more.

That is about the only loc prejudice I am experiencing right now. Which is not to say I am not feeling the newbies (like me) but dag, where are the old heads?

Mocha (just being honest)
[/b]

I have had my locks for 2 years and still going strong no DESIRE TO CUT them whatsoever. My locks are not a trend or a thing to do. It is a smple lifestyle change for my hair and me. So I can feel you! There are lots of lock wearers for many years. I can say they are gowgus!

QueenAmina
09-06-2007, 12:56 PM
I think it deepens if the person is really comfortable with their nappies, who they really are. I luv/admire/respect all locs. Some people that juumped into locs from perms, I&#39;ve noticed, usually wear sl&#39;s. Is there a connect? Maybe so, but that&#39;s how it is. I think it depends on the comfort level. As far as Fotki, people naturally gravitate to the likenss or the one they admire and hope to reflected at some point. That&#39;s okay. I usually look at thicker locks opposed to thinner ones, colored opposed to black or natural. That&#39;s only cuz my hair is similar.

BabySoft
09-10-2007, 08:27 PM
"I am not surprised at all. I can&#39;t help but realize that some have lingering self hatred even with locked hair. Especially when referred to the roots. Overtwisting and manipulation to me is a subliminal message big time. If you know what type of hair you have who cares if your roots are fuzzy your hair is kinky. I do not palmroll for aesthetics just maintaining them and preventing them from creeping among each other. I have no qualms if my roots puff up again! I have strangers come up your locks are so neat and clean not too fat! Whatever! Ignorance can not be bliss sometimes."
Delleaux, I certainly agree with you here. I&#39;m not tryna call anybody out, but I&#39;ve looked at many loc journeys via Fotki photos, and I&#39;ve seen over time how overmanipulation can take it&#39;s toll on one&#39;s locs over the years. When they start out the locs look great but after a couple of years down the road you can see that the person is preoccupied with keeping the parts square and that their overtwisting is not only causing the loc to become thin at the scalp&#39;s rootbase, but there&#39;s also lotsa of scalp showing (tension alopecia).....we shouldn&#39;t obsess about twisting every kink and curl out of hair....It defeats the intent of having locs in the first place.[/b]

I agree so much with this! It&#39;s sad but true.






I think it deepens if the person is really comfortable with their nappies, who they really are. I luv/admire/respect all locs. Some people that juumped into locs from perms, I&#39;ve noticed, usually wear sl&#39;s. Is there a connect? Maybe so, but that&#39;s how it is. I think it depends on the comfort level. As far as Fotki, people naturally gravitate to the likenss or the one they admire and hope to reflected at some point. That&#39;s okay. I usually look at thicker locks opposed to thinner ones, colored opposed to black or natural. That&#39;s only cuz my hair is similar.
[/b]

This is true too. I have a friend who wanted SL&#39;s or a perm. :unsure: I love her though but she got the perm. <_<

TLMMM
09-11-2007, 05:01 AM
I think it deepens if the person is really comfortable with their nappies, who they really are. I luv/admire/respect all locs. Some people that juumped into locs from perms, I&#39;ve noticed, usually wear sl&#39;s. Is there a connect? Maybe so, but that&#39;s how it is. I think it depends on the comfort level. As far as Fotki, people naturally gravitate to the likenss or the one they admire and hope to reflected at some point. That&#39;s okay. I usually look at thicker locks opposed to thinner ones, colored opposed to black or natural. That&#39;s only cuz my hair is similar.
[/b]

I went from a perm to comb coils and now I finger twist my roots. My locs are super small because my hair is uber thin. I maintain every 4-6 weeks because I am lazy. I try to keep them looking pretty (tying down the roots, wearing wavy or curly styles) because I&#39;m a priss. I wouldn&#39;t have looked so cute with the larger size I really wanted. I have finally accepted that my hair is thin, and I have grown to love the way they look, what I don&#39;t love is the way people react to me and my hair.

I get many "complements" from people. I&#39;m sure they mean well, but alot of time they are so backhanded that they make me want to get really ignorant and reply in kind. Some examples:

(this morning at the dog run from some random woman): "you know I always see other people with dreads and they look dirty and nasty. yours look so pretty and professional." THEN SHE TRIED TO TOUCH IT!!!!!! WTF!!!
what I was thinking: WTF!!!
what I said: I hope you&#39;re not trying to insult me. that is one of the rudest things you can possibly say. and please don&#39;t try and touch my hair. I have no idea where your hands have been and thats disgusting.

(from an organic locker): "your hair would look so much better if you didn&#39;t twist as often. you wouldn&#39;t look so scalpy"

what I was thinking: I am 31 years old. I have had extremely thin hair for 31 years. If I never retwisted at all I would STILL look scalpy. Please go away.

what I said: "thanks for your advice, unfortunately my hair has always been thin and is thin if I maintain or not."

(from an older family member): your hair is so much nicer than other people with dreads. it looks so much prettier and neater.

what I was thinking: you self hating you know what. get the f*** out of my face with your negative bulls*** and go slap some chemicals on your bald head.

what I said: really? you think? thanks, I just didn&#39;t want to be bald when I hit your age.

(from a black advisor in my masters program): "with such high scores I didn&#39;t expect you to be a dread."
what I was thinking: b**** DIE
what I said: you can&#39;t be that ignorant, and if you are, how did you get a job?

to me a complement is "oh your hair looks nice" or "I love the style" or "that looks good on you". outside of that it becomes critical and its like ummm nobody asked you dude. people are so not into living and letting live as much as they preach it.

all these people pushing their own hangups on others should get back the same type of venom they dish out, maybe then they will shut up and be more tolerant.

that is the percieved beauty of this country, that you can do whatever you feel. yet time and again you run into people who want nothing more than to put you into their box and lock you in there.

bah.

amamainlove
09-11-2007, 09:32 AM
TLMM your thoughts and comments had me ROTFLMAO :lol: . In a lot of instances I always think of the perfect thing to say after the fact :rolleyes: .



that is the percieved beauty of this country, that you can do whatever you feel. yet time and again you run into people who want nothing more than to put you into their box and lock you in there.

bah.
[/b]
Now ain&#39;t that the truth <_< .

carboncopysue
09-11-2007, 09:48 AM
I&#39;m not a locer, but I like all types from freeform to sl to whatever (don&#39;t know all the terms, sorry). I even know a white guy that has lovely locks. What I don&#39;t understand about these negative compliments is where are all of these other people with tore up locks? I&#39;ve seen many locks across the spectrum, but none of them look any more "nasty" or "unkempt" than my loose hair. It&#39;s even hard for me to tell when it&#39;s supposed to be in the "ugly" state. This may be because I wear my twists fuzzy, so locks don&#39;t have to be perfectly manicured to be appealing to me.

Sue.