Damaged Beyond Repair

[mahsoul1]

Ok...today is one of those post-exam days when I spend countless hours watching tv, sleeping and browsing the internet. In the thread about Evia Moore, someone mentioned some IR blogs and I went to check them out..curious to see what was being talked about. I came across one blogger who in her own words admits to having great feelings of disdain for black men and saw the term damaged beyond repair...shortened to DBR.
I was a bit jolted by the phrase...never heard it before ( I guess I dont read enough blogs) ...in thinking about my experiences I dont think I know any men who I would say are DBR..except for my father...that's an excellent descriptor for him.... from what I gather the term is being used by several bloggers to describe black men ( correct me if Im wrong and its not just directed at black men) who date multiple women, have several kids by different women, put ww on a pedastal and so forth....so what do you ladies think of this term? have you come across it before? do you think its a fair descriptor and do you know any men whom you deem DBR? Do you find the term offensive? ( I did try to do a search first)

I swear that I learn about something new on this site every day lol...

Just want to add: the point of this post is just to read your thoughts regardless of who you date or marry..Im interested in hearing from ya'll. This is not about me trying to take anyone to task for using the phrase or thinking its a valid descriptor. I just heard of it like an hour ago so ^_^

[NappilyShoni]

See, I saw that frequently myself, but never knew what it meant. I don't know if the people who use it only use it about Black men,. Personally, I know too many women of all races who have dealt with men of all races to whom this term could apply.

[mahsoul1]

I love your avatar^^^^^ :lol:

[browneyez06]

See, I saw that frequently myself, but never knew what it meant. I don't know if the people who use it only use it about Black men,. Personally, I know too many women of all races who have dealt with men of all races to whom this term could apply.
[/b]

It's used to describe any man or woman that fits those categories. Unfortunately the majority of the readership of most of those blogs happens to be black women who continue to pick non-quality bm (hence DBR BM). Those choices are discouraged and healthy choices are encouraged and supported by the readers that visit those sites. There are just as many articles on self-improvement, financial advice, business opportunities (with emphasis on overseas opportunities) for women of color.

[LBellatrix]

I don't like to think of any human being as being "damaged beyond repair" but there's only so much "repairing" of another grown person I'm interested in doing. To tell the truth, at this point in my life I DON'T want to spend a lot of time "repairing" anybody who's grown, male or female, friend or lover.

A lot of people have a hard time swallowing what Evia's serving but a lot of it is good medicine, particularly if you're a BW who's bought into the BS regarding your desirability and lovability.

[NappilyShoni]

I love your avatar^^^^^ :lol:
[/b]

:D Thanks!

[mahsoul1]

^^ Your welcome.

That was my thinking as well---not wanting to think about a human being in those terms....I know for my father that nothing in the world will change his ways---he does things like call me while Im standing in my line for the college graduation processional and tell me he isnt coming and his exscuse for not knowing my birth day or how old I am is that I dont know his birthday either ( which i do )....these are small examples of how truly him he will always be and I dont waste tears or time trying to talk to him because nothing will ever be his fault..he shirks responsibility.
I didnt read Evia's site because I couldnt find the link after a google search--I didnt search very hard so..but it was other blogs where I saw this term.


I havent read her blog but one I did read talked about Evia's writings...my response at this point is that I feel the message doesnt appy to me and that Im not their target audience..I havent had the experiences that would lead to label men (other than the one who sired me) or anyone DBR . But if she is helping people, cool. Im not trying to have a discussion about whether or not her or anyone's message is a good one...just curious about the term....I guess sometimes I do feel that there is no hope for people sometime but even and that may be the same thing...its just the disdain and hatred on the blogs surprised me....I could be naive though considering my inexperiences. And maybe you do have to take the term in the context of what these ladies have to say and it cant stand on its own without the issues/problems that led to its creation :dunno:

ETA: This is not an attack on these women who would dare speak against black men and the issues...not hardly :) ...just curiosity

[Babylon]

DBR??? Whoo!! Someone had some horrible experiences with Black men.

I am going to have to blame Black women and any other women for their situations with men because for you to be having the same type of experience with men over and over again says something is wrong with YOU. That is a bitter pill to swallow and most women would rather choke on it.

In everyone of my personal situations with Black men, I have found that there where signs that the brotha was showing me that let me know things were not right with the issuing relationship. But because I wanted to be with this person-----I simply ignored them. This only happened a few times but every time I ended up dumbfounded, hurt, and in tears.

Now, I put my feelings in check and pay attention to those signs. Now I don't give a brotha the time of day when I KNOW he is a drug addict, only interested in sex, already committed, unambitious, insecure, possessive, unstable, afraid to love, immature, etc. I just run nowadays. I'm to old to be fooling myself.

I already know you can't change a man so I'm not trying to. Is there still great Black men out there? Of course there is!! Can't be over accommodating, have low self-esteem or be superficial if you want a better chance at finding em.

It's important for women to take the time to get to know a man while keeping that bullcrap radar on full speed.

[browneyez06]

DBR??? Whoo!! Someone had some horrible experiences with Black men.

I am going to have to blame Black women and any other women for their situations with men because for you to be having the same type of experience with men over and over again says something is wrong with YOU. That is a bitter pill to swallow and most women would rather choke on it.

In everyone of my personal situations with Black men, I have found that there where signs that the brotha was showing me that let me know things were not right with the issuing relationship. But because I wanted to be with this person-----I simply ignored them. This only happened a few times but every time I ended up dumbfounded, hurt, and in tears.

Now, I put my feelings in check and pay attention to those signs. Now I don't give a brotha the time of day when I KNOW he is a drug addict, only interested in sex, already committed, unambitious, insecure, possessive, unstable, afraid to love, immature, etc. I just run nowadays. I'm to old to be fooling myself.

I already know you can't change a man so I'm not trying to. Is there still great Black men out there? Of course there is!! Can't be over accommodating, have low self-esteem or be superficial if you want a better chance at finding em.

It's important for women to take the time to get to know a man while keeping that bullcrap radar on full speed.
[/b]

Amen to that ^_^

[apb1172]

DBR??? Whoo!! Someone had some horrible experiences with Black men.

I am going to have to blame Black women and any other women for their situations with men because for you to be having the same type of experience with men over and over again says something is wrong with YOU. That is a bitter pill to swallow and most women would rather choke on it.

In everyone of my personal situations with Black men, I have found that there where signs that the brotha was showing me that let me know things were not right with the issuing relationship. But because I wanted to be with this person-----I simply ignored them. This only happened a few times but every time I ended up dumbfounded, hurt, and in tears.

Now, I put my feelings in check and pay attention to those signs. Now I don't give a brotha the time of day when I KNOW he is a drug addict, only interested in sex, already committed, unambitious, insecure, possessive, unstable, afraid to love, immature, etc. I just run nowadays. I'm to old to be fooling myself.

I already know you can't change a man so I'm not trying to. Is there still great Black men out there? Of course there is!! Can't be over accommodating, have low self-esteem or be superficial if you want a better chance at finding em.

It's important for women to take the time to get to know a man while keeping that bullcrap radar on full speed.
[/b]
Babylon, was the biggest life lesson I learned in 2007!!!! So I'm here to add my amen to that because I choked on that pill for years! Thinking back on all of my past experiences, I don't think I could find one balck male that I would describe as DBR anymore. Not even my crack smokin' baby daddy! Even he has people who love him and find redeeming qualities there. Nowadays I find more men that just aren't worth my effort vs. DBR.