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View Full Version : What This Punk (i Mean My Dad!) Said To Me



ladolcediva
03-22-2008, 05:39 PM
Just this week I had been thinking how I much I respected my dad (with whom I have a terrible relationship)for not making rude comments to me about my hair (not that he has ever said anything positive, but silence is better than rudeness). Then this conversation transpires after I ask him had he looked at my pictures from a recent photoshoot- I had straight hair (*NOTE- no kinks were harmed in the creation of those pictures ;) ) Now, also note that I don't believe in "good and bad" hair, but he does and I had to reference it to make my point- to make him mad :Angry: Here's what went down:

Me: (asking if he has looked at my pics)
Dad: I haven't but I heard your hair was nice.
Me: It was nice...
Dad: You must have gotten rid of the peas and corn
Me: Excuse me? What did you just say?
Dad: You don't know what I just said? You never heard of that?
Me: No. I don't know what you are talking about (fumes from the top of my head)
Dad: That's what we used to call hair like yours...
Me: Hair like mine? Well, I got it from you, because my mama doesn't have hair like this- she has good hair (I said this knowing it was ignorant, but to make him mad since according to him my hair is seemingly "bad") This is a Jones family trait, so I got it from YOU ( smoke coming out of my ears)
Dad: You didn't get it from me; you have never seen me walking around with my hair all over the place, standing up on top of my head, and orange (I have hair color- nice color I might add)
Me: That's because you don't have any hair. And you don't have any hair because you are old...
- Convo goes downhill from here; proceeds to throw up the recent accident I had in my face and how his daughters stress him out. At this point I get off of the phone.

It's sad because I have always WERKED the hair. I love it, I understand it, and it is me. I can honestly say that I don't care whether people like me hair or not, but it is an entirely different thing for you to insult me. And it is a totally different thing for the insults to come from a practically deadbeat parent. You can not like it, but you don't have to be rude about it. I want to continue this, but I won't torture you here; check out the rest of my story at www.xanga.com/ladivadolce (http://www.xanga.com/ladivadolce)

***** Can somebody tell me how to change my forum view so that I can see ALL of the posts within a topic; I can only see one at I time and then I have click-ins. Thanks!*****

BrnNappyGrl
03-22-2008, 05:45 PM
<_< Your father needs a healthy dose of STFUade. That&#39;s why God gives us the relatives he gives us: he knows we would never associate with some of these ignant azzes otherwise. :Angry:

To change your forum view: delete your temp files and coockie. Then restart your browser. You might have to put your user names and passwords back in, but at least you don&#39;t get irritation from posts.

rose88
03-22-2008, 05:52 PM
You have my sympathies. It breaks my heart when a parent is negative about some natural feature of their child&#39;s (I&#39;m going through the SAME thing right now with my mom), because I know somewhere that young girls (and boys) are internalizing it. I&#39;m just glad you (and I) are able to think for ourselves.

crmycoco
03-22-2008, 06:02 PM
peas and corn????

my god...! how could you keep a straight face??? :lol: :lol:

imani4eva
03-22-2008, 06:05 PM
Awww im sorry hun, for the incident with your dad. But i must add, its really entertaining. I was creasing. you write in a comical style I could actually visualise the covno happening. It would make an excellent sketch. Haven&#39;t had to chance to check out your site...but will holla back when i do!

ladolcediva
03-22-2008, 06:19 PM
peas and corn????

my god...! how could you keep a straight face??? :lol: :lol:
[/b]

I must admit it was darn hard- had he been anyone else I woulda been like" Oh, I&#39;m about to ROAST this @#$#$#@% Homey don&#39;t play that :icon_twak:...hehehe

I wish you all could understand this in its entirely; my dad has a very nasty, insensitive type of humor that is hilarious as long as you are not the butt of his jokes. You have to be witty and sharp to keep up with him. But its also frightening because it amazes me how someone can use something like that with clear intentions of being hurtful. So although I held me own and knew how to push his buttons while not going to far, I still ended up damaged. Most nappies that have been in the game for a few years know how to deal with rudenss- you let it roll. But we have so many other issues that this just couldn&#39;t roll... :soapbox:

crmycoco
03-22-2008, 06:33 PM
I must admit it was darn hard- had he been anyone else I woulda been like" Oh, I&#39;m about to ROAST this @#$#$#@% Homey don&#39;t play that :icon_twak:...hehehe

I wish you all could understand this in its entirely; my dad has a very nasty, insensitive type of humor that is hilarious as long as you are not the butt of his jokes. You have to be witty and sharp to keep up with him. But its also frightening because it amazes me how someone can use something like that with clear intentions of being hurtful. So although I held me own and knew how to push his buttons while not going to far, I still ended up damaged. Most nappies that have been in the game for a few years know how to deal with rudenss- you let it roll. But we have so many other issues that this just couldn&#39;t roll... :soapbox:
[/b]

honey, i know exactly how you feel. my family has always given me grief about my hair, cuz some of them are mixed with this or that and have that "good" hair...whatever!
it can be hard dealing with folks like that...and I&#39;m very sensitive too! Anyhoo, I don&#39;t deal with them anymore...but I learned to be an evil so and so if I need be. I find that when you love yourself, really love yourself and your hair, nothing anybody says can hurt you.
then you have the freedom to respond how you wish. say something nasty or let it roll. trust me. once i started saying things back...folks really got their itty bitty feeling hurt. lol....they can dish it out, but can&#39;t eat it.

ladolcediva
03-22-2008, 09:25 PM
Me: (asking if he has looked at my pics)
Dad: I haven&#39;t but I heard your hair was nice.
Me: It was nice...
Dad: You must have gotten rid of the peas and corn
Me: Excuse me? What did you just say?
Dad: You don&#39;t know what I just said? You never heard of that?
Me: No. I don&#39;t know what you are talking about (fumes from the top of my head)
Dad: That&#39;s what we used to call hair like yours...
Me: Hair like mine? Well, I got it from you, because my mama doesn&#39;t have hair like this- she has good hair (I said this knowing it was ignorant, but to make him mad since according to him my hair is seemingly "bad") This is a Jones family trait, so I got it from YOU ( smoke coming out of my ears)
Dad: You didn&#39;t get it from me; you have never seen me walking around with my hair all over the place, standing up on top of my head, and orange (I have hair color- nice color I might add)
Me: That&#39;s because you don&#39;t have any hair. And you don&#39;t have any hair because you are old...
- Convo goes downhill from here; proceeds to throw up the recent accident I had in my face and how his daughters stress him out. At this point I get off of the phone.



Oh- I left out the "Buckwheat" line -I was wondering why reading this didn&#39;t make me as angry as it has previously.
Somewhere around this part was when he said "You ain&#39;t never seen me walking around looking like Buckwheat..." followed by the rest of his ignorance.I&#39;ve never heard anyone speak of Buckwheat endearingly...

Only1biancab
03-22-2008, 09:50 PM
***** Can somebody tell me how to change my forum view so that I can see ALL of the posts within a topic; I can only see one at I time and then I have click-ins. Thanks!*****
[/b]
Are you using Firefox? Clear your cache and cookies. And maybe upgrade, I haven&#39;t had that problem in the new version.

I looked at your photos. You&#39;re too gorgeous. You know your hair looks GOOD. I don&#39;t even know how you got worked up. You are killing it. It woulda sounded like a bunch of nonsense to me and I would&#39;ve let him keeping talking that nonsense and act like I aint heard him :blah: if I was rocking my hair and that color like you. He is your daddy, but when it comes to your hair don&#39;t pay that "punk" no mind. I&#39;m still laughing at your title.

Wonderfully Made!
03-23-2008, 04:21 AM
Ouch! Your dad went pretty hard. Now you know where he stands.

Jessica Lea
03-23-2008, 05:02 AM
Am I mean for finding the "peas and corn" thing funny?? :unsure:


You calling him OLD was hilarious :lol:

Himanot
03-23-2008, 05:20 AM
Sistah, it ain&#39;t easy, but you need to let it go. He really isn&#39;t worth your blood pressure going up. Like it was said...you now know how he feels. Let his ignorant remarks roll off you like water on a duck.

~Himmy

celajewel
03-23-2008, 07:31 AM
Gurl i know it must hurt for you to hear this shnit from your own father but just let dem comments bounce off you....be glad you know better.

CurlyGirl327
03-23-2008, 08:14 AM
I&#39;m probably going to catch all kinds of flack for saying this, but OP, why aggravate yourself by talking to your father about a topic you know you disagree with him on? From the way you described your relationship with him, it sounds like there&#39;s not much positive about it, and yet you were seeking his approval by asking him what he thought of your pictures. That seems to me (from the brief background you&#39;ve given) like a setup for precisely the kind of altercation you wound up having. If he were just a friend or a coworker who spoke to you like that, you wouldn&#39;t put up with it, would you? And you certainly wouldn&#39;t continue to be friends with such a person, right? So why does a family member get a free pass to treat you that way??? Follow the mantra of Kimora and "go where you are loved&#39;; leave the haters to stew by their damn selves--and that includes family!

crmycoco
03-23-2008, 08:27 AM
I&#39;m probably going to catch all kinds of flack for saying this, but OP, why aggravate yourself by talking to your father about a topic you know you disagree with him on? From the way you described your relationship with him, it sounds like there&#39;s not much positive about it, and yet you were seeking his approval by asking him what he thought of your pictures. That seems to me (from the brief background you&#39;ve given) like a setup for precisely the kind of altercation you wound up having. If he were just a friend or a coworker who spoke to you like that, you wouldn&#39;t put up with it, would you? And you certainly wouldn&#39;t continue to be friends with such a person, right? So why does a family member get a free pass to treat you that way??? Follow the mantra of Kimora and "go where you are loved&#39;; leave the haters to stew by their damn selves--and that includes family![/b]

amen to that! now pass the peas and corn... :pop:

habeeb
03-23-2008, 08:33 AM
That&#39;s why God gives us the relatives he gives us: he knows we would never associate with some of these ignant azzes otherwise. [/b]
Ain&#39;t that the truth, cuz i got some IGNANT muthasuckas in my family and i know that if I wasnt related I would never waste my time. Your father was wrong, but keep your head up and keep it moving.

malinda
03-23-2008, 08:40 AM
I feel with you. :hug: It&#39;s hard to let that mess bounce off when it&#39;s coming from someone who&#39;s supposed to love you for exactly who you are, no matter what. My father&#39;s got that gift of only being able to make a joke, if it&#39;s at someone else&#39;s expense.

Be angry and hurt for awhile, and then assess what role you want him to play in that life. I wonder if you got into it with him (instead of just saying &#39;thank you&#39; and getting off the phone) because you really wanted to know how he felt about you.

Also, those questions you asked on your site, about whether he thought you were less beautiful than his wife and daughters - he probably hasn&#39;t thought that stuff out himself. You could ask him what his answers are to those questions, but you have to reconcile yourself with the possibility that his answers won&#39;t make him seem like any better father than he already is. Men like that seem to have a very deep well of self-forgiveness for their failings.

Whatever&#39;s going down with that man, you deserve better.

vincybushbaby
03-23-2008, 09:04 AM
just give him a plate of frozen peas and corn for dinner and walk away

PrincessDrRe
03-23-2008, 09:06 AM
amen to that! now pass the peas and corn... :pop:
[/b]
With a side of "rice"....gurl yo&#39; Daddy is "cute" in a special way.

Let it roll off ya back gurl...let it roll...

rlcarson
03-23-2008, 10:28 AM
What&#39;s up my homegirl?

Don&#39;t your let Daddy get you down.

I got my hair texture from my dad&#39;s side of the family as well.

Unfortunately he passed in 2000, the same year my son was born.

I would give anything to be able to share some peas and corn conversations with him.

Keep your head up and don&#39;t be down about the conversation because I bet he isn&#39;t.

You are a true beauty both inside and out.

If anybody disagrees, they can meet us in the boro with vaseline and combat boots on. :lol: :lol: :lol:

sjeter
03-23-2008, 10:54 AM
girl if you dont look like the bomb dont let it get you down se se in the house and this is my motto that i live by i am too blessed to be stressed with your mess. so girl rock on and know that you are beautiful hollaaaa

ladolcediva
03-23-2008, 11:31 AM
:hug: God bless everybody! I appreciate everyone&#39;s advice and encouragement. I&#39;m going to cook up some peas and corn for a good ole&#39; Easter dinner now. :afro:

vincybushbaby
03-23-2008, 03:52 PM
^^^^^^:lol:

scrappydoo
03-23-2008, 04:14 PM
just give him a plate of frozen peas and corn for dinner and walk away
[/b]

:lol: :pointlaugh:

OP, you know you&#39;re fly, just ignore him, move on, and keep doing what you&#39;ve been doing.

What exactly is peas and corns supposed to mean anyway? That just seems...odd.

tocktick
03-24-2008, 06:38 AM
you really shouldn&#39;t have made your hair seem inferior to your mother&#39;s in order to "hurt" him. whether or not you believed what you said or not, i think by doing it it reinforced that the good/bad hair mentality is "valid" in his mind. that just gave him extra fuel, imo , since you yourself have made your hair seem "bad".

if you know your dad is ignorant concerning black hair and has no intention to correct this mindset (which is so often the case with people from older generations) then i don&#39;t think it&#39;s wise to engage in conversations about your hair. i can understand being curious about his reaction because i think for some of us, be it consciously or subconsciously, seek the approval from those we love in regards to our hair. you think your hair is fly so don&#39;t let him bring you down. but you know, people typically respond to negativity with more negativity. you responded to his derogatory comment in that way and he responded to yours with more nonsense.

if you see future conversations going that way, don&#39;t try to school people who aren&#39;t willing to listen at all or defend your napps. imo, it&#39;s best to say you don&#39;t care to listen to what you find rude comments, change the subject or drop the phone and K.I.M.

msdiddyj
03-24-2008, 07:13 AM
gurl tell yo daddy to sthu, ya hair is cyutee!!!