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  1. #1
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    Default Janay Palmer Rice

    By now most people have seen the video where football player Ray Rice knocks out his then fiance (now wife) in an elevator and drags her limp body off the elevator.

    People are approaching this topic from different sides.

    Some people are taking the racial (racist) angle and are saying that Janay married and is staying with him because Black women are just used to getting beaten by Black men.

    Some people are taking this pseudo-feminist, anti "victim blaming" stance. Essentially, they are saying that asking the question "why is she staying with him" is akin to victim blaming. Instead, they believe the question, why is he violent.

    Now, I find all of that to be sheer foolishness. Janay is not at all responsible for what happened in the elevator. However, we can't ignore the part she would play when six months from, now he knocks her out again.

    I'm not saying she is asking for it. I'm saying that if there is new abuse, we cannot ignore that she, by marrying a violent man, she would, in fact, be complicit in her own abuse. That's not victim blaming. That's just reality. Our actions have consequences.

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  2. #2
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chachadiva View Post
    By now most people have seen the video where football player Ray Rice knocks out his then fiance (now wife) in an elevator and drags her limp body off the elevator.

    People are approaching this topic from different sides.

    Some people are taking the racial (racist) angle and are saying that Janay married and is staying with him because Black women are just used to getting beaten by Black men.

    Some people are taking this pseudo-feminist, anti "victim blaming" stance. Essentially, they are saying that asking the question "why is she staying with him" is akin to victim blaming. Instead, they believe the question, why is he violent.

    Now, I find all of that to be sheer foolishness. Janay is not at all responsible for what happened in the elevator. However, we can't ignore the part she would play when six months from, now he knocks her out again.

    I'm not saying she is asking for it. I'm saying that if there is new abuse, we cannot ignore that she, by marrying a violent man, she would, in fact, be complicit in her own abuse. That's not victim blaming. That's just reality. Our actions have consequences.

    Thoughts?
    Haven't watched the video in it's entirety and don't care to. Also haven't heard folks saying any of the things you stated above, but don't doubt they're being said.

    Judging entirely, by what I've seen and heard, the blue bolded almost negates the purple. IOW, according to your above statement, she was complicit in the abuse she encountered in the elevator.
    Revelation 21:4 - Psalm 51 - Psalm 121 - Ephesians
    (All words typed above are my experience and/or opinion, please feel free to agree or disagree....just please, do so without malice.)
    Loc'ed: 19/NOV/08 - Love ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NP Convert since 06/08

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  4. #3
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    Saying, "I'm not blaming the victim for the past, only for sticking around for new abuse" is Victim Blaming.

    Nothing else to add. I remember doing this with you before. Fat Shaming or Slut Shaming. One of the two.
    AKA: fuzzy_slippers

    Still Nappy. Still Happy, ya'll!

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    Agreed with you KLG an Squiggly. It has been said time and again that staying in a relationship is part of the cycle of abuse. The abuse is more then physical, it's also psychological, as is the irrational reasons women tell themselves to stay in a relationship or the societal pressures on women to stand by their man. It is wishful thinking to believe that she can just walk away from a guy she's been with since she was 16 and who knows what kind of mental control he has on her.
    Last edited by Karibana; 09-10-2014 at 02:52 AM.


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  7. #5
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    Domestic Violence/abuse is an extremely tangled web of psychological manipulation that most outsiders cannot begin to wrap their minds around. Having worked at a Women's Crisis Center some years ago, I saw any and every type of victim/survivor walk in and out of the clinic. I used to be one of those people who was all "why doesn't she leave" until I truly saw for myself the complicated layers of fear, self-loathing, brain-washing, and hopelessness that most of these women felt/experienced. Some women don't even realize that what is being done to them is wrong until it's too late. Some women know it's wrong but feel that they are more likely to stay alive in the relationship rather than risking their life trying to escape. I by no means think I am an expert on DV issues and I STILL don't understand and can't relate to what goes on in the minds of abused women. What I do know is that addressing the culture of male supremacy would be a HUGE first step in trying to get to the root of domestic violence issues in the first place, but whenever these things happen nobody ever really wants to address that part. It's always derailed by folks wanting to point the finger at the woman. While at the end of the day only Janay can be the only one to make the decision to leave, folks really need to understand that she is not operating as someone who is in a healthy frame of mind. And this doesn't mean she's crazy or stupid either. None of us knows how trapped she is in that web. I guess I'm taking the "pseudo-feminist" stance on this, if that's what you want to call it.

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    I have two theories: Ray Rice have anger issues and Janay puts up with it to maintain a lifestyle. (B) The domestic violence goes both ways and I can't sympathize with an individual that receives the worst end of the deal. I've been wavering over the two. Janay isn't innocent, and it's clear Ray doesn't respect her. I don't understand why she married him a month later... I guess to have this ideal lifestyle. Now that his career been terminated, how long will Janay remain? Some folks would put up with anything to present an ideal image to the world.

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    ^So what exactly supports "the violence goes both ways" hypothesis?


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    They both shouted obscenities, spat and laid hands on each other, and been charged with DV to some degree. Janay did not appear to be afraid... she fought. However she received the worst end. I am not inclined to automatically side with individuals that are contributors and sympathize because of the severity. Both should have kept their hands and spit to themselves.... and move on if the other didn't adhere. Press charges, get order of protection, make it a public spectacle and get child support; not marry the guy the next month. If the incident was one sided, then I'd think differently. Since both are involved, fighting is normalcy in their home. There's just outrage because it's made public. Where's the outrage when we witness? If we all did something there wouldn't be a topic. Folks need to be accountable for themselves and the people you love.

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    Maybe I need new glasses but I don't see where she pulled anything close to a Solange inside or outside of that elevator.


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    The issue isn't anything "close to"... it's did you touch him or not. The difference between Solange is she physically assaulted Jay. He didn't fight back. One may say that's abusive and he could have cold clocked her. But because Solange is a woman, society was lenient. She didn't lose jobs over the ordeal... society found it entertaining and focused on Jay. "He did something to deserve it." There's trouble in paradise... blame the victim. When the roles are reversed, we have double standards. Regardless what the woman does... she's the victim. Her life isn't tarnished, the guy's life is forever. No one knows her true story because we automatically sympathize. Before the elevator, Janay swings at him... whether it lands, have less force is irrelevant IMO. It's an indication that you're not scared, will fight, or done it before because this does not appear to be their first rodeo. Once one initiates and swings, the label of victim is questioned.

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