Most Women W/ Natural Hair Don't Look Attractive

**08girl** · 05-18-2007, 02:50 PM

Hey ladies,

I'm a newb and haven't really posted. I have been natural for 5+years and have long hair. Today I wore my hair in a pony tail that has been blown out and then a I did a braid out on it and rolled it. A woman who I work with (who has never said anything to me about my hair mind you) says "oh your hair is pretty I didn't know it was that long. I mean most women who go natural...it just doesn't look good, like they need to condition it or something" I really wanted to say something to her but I just smiled and went to my cubicle. How do you even respond to something like that?
I think most relaxed hair looks thin and unhealthy but I don't go around saying that to people. And why is it always referred to as "going natural" natural is how it grows out of our head then we "go and put chemicals on it". People think it's strange or wonder why someone goes natural but not why they relax. Just wanted to share, I hope the lady didn't think I was being rude to her but I didn' t know how to respond without insulting both her hair and her self perception.

**knickld** · 05-18-2007, 03:13 PM

Hey ladies,

I'm a newb and haven't really posted. I have been natural for 5+years and have long hair. Today I wore my hair in a pony tail that has been blown out and then a I did a braid out on it and rolled it. A woman who I work with (who has never said anything to me about my hair mind you) says "oh your hair is pretty I didn't know it was that long. I mean most women who go natural...it just doesn't look good, like they need to condition it or something" I really wanted to say something to her but I just smiled and went to my cubicle. How do you even respond to something like that?
I think most relaxed hair looks thin and unhealthy but I don't go around saying that to people. And why is it always referred to as "going natural" natural is how it grows out of our head then we "go and put chemicals on it". People think it's strange or wonder why someone goes natural but not why they relax. Just wanted to share, I hope the lady didn't think I was being rude to her but I didn' t know how to respond without insulting both her hair and her self perception.
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u did right...some idiotic comments aren't even worth responding to. <_<

**chinani** · 05-18-2007, 03:58 PM

And why is it always referred to as "going natural" natural is how it grows out of our head then we "go and put chemicals on it".[/b]

Touche. I guess the phrase "Going natural" betrays our mentality... we think on whatever level that wearing our hair as it grows is a rebellion...

Anyhow, I would've responded the same way. I don't think you need to give people too much of your time or energy esp if you've never found them deserving of it before a dumb comment.

I think her comment (and insult to other naturals) was a way of validating her choice to r.lax, like "You look good, but most don't and I'm too scared to try".

**Lawdmyhair** · 05-18-2007, 07:09 PM

Well, I don't totally disagree with the woman who made that comment. Although I have been napptural for some time, I just recently started wearing my hair "out." The first few months I wore my hair out, it did, in fact, look incredibly dry, brittle and crunchy. I had a limp, lifeless looking afro that had no "umph" to it at all. Of course, that was because I had not, at that time, found the right mix of products to make my hair look very moisturized and well kempt. Despite the laughing and ridicule I had to endure, I was determined to keep my afro-style, so I had to spend A LOT of money trying out different products and moisturizing techniques. Finally, and thanks to the many recommendations from the women here, I did find what I needed to make my hair look great. I do, from time to time, spot other nappturals who are going through that same phase, and view the posts of new nappturals who are complaining about moisture problems, but eventually they will find good products that work for them. The woman who made that comment was probably referring to people like me; people whose hair, at one point in time, did look HELLA FRIED! LOL!!! Now, whether or not she should have made that comment to YOU is an entirely different topic...LOL

Cheers!

Ije

**EmpressRi** · 05-18-2007, 07:16 PM

1001NappyNights, even if that was what the lady meant, the heffa should be old enough to know what TACT means and that if you aren't that close with someone you keep certain comments to yourself. i would have given her the stinkeye if she said that to me.

View Profile · 05-18-2007, 07:25 PM

Some people just don't get it. By calling your natural hair as "less attractive" it is a direct insult on your race an ethnicity. These are the comments that cause low-self esteem in the black community.
On the otherhand, she may be used to seeing so many black women with perms that it has become the norm(and it has to some extent). Now that I have become natural, permed women don't look as natural and beautiful as they could and should be.
offtop: If you are unattractive, no matter what hairstyle you have nothing will change your appearance. Unless you get plastic surgery or something.

**Lawdmyhair** · 05-18-2007, 07:28 PM

1001NappyNights, even if that was what the lady meant, the heffa should be old enough to know what TACT means and that if you aren't that close with someone you keep certain comments to yourself. i would have given her the stinkeye if she said that to me.
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ahahahhhahha Empress! I believe you WOULD HAVE given her the stink eye!!! LOL....and I must admit that I, as well, would not have left her comment unanswered, being the vocal person that I am. Her comment probably was inappropriate, assuming that she probably has a superficial relationship with the person to whom the comment was directed. I, however, would have tried to explain the situation to her so that she could be more enlightned, rather than leave her to wonder about it...

By the way, your hair looks GREATTTTTTT!!!!

Cheers,

Ije

**Scribetastic** · 05-18-2007, 10:25 PM

u did right...some idiotic comments aren't even worth responding to. <_<
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I think that's pretty much it. Honestly, I hear so many stupid comments about so many stupid things that I just pick and choose which ones to respond to.

Yesterday I was eating a spicy meat dish and I had yet other Korean question me with wonder "you eat spicy food?" :rolleyes: Yes, stupid, pepper isn't native to Korea. Almost every Korean believes foreigners don't like spicy dishes, but pepper is foreign to Korea (it came via the silk road trade)...stupid belief.

This is similar in that it's going to take so much deprogramming to even get your point across that it's probably not worth your time. Honestly, I'm NOT looking forward to having to deal with those kinds of thoughts when I get home, but I know I'll deal with it a lot. In my family, straightened hair is the norm

**watercolorz** · 05-18-2007, 10:35 PM

People don't comment as much or form opinions based upon what looks good and healthy or what they would consider pretty hair.

Chemically treated or not if your hair looks good most people think you are "lucky" meaning that you got that "good hair".

People have a tendency to comment and form opinions on what DOESN'T look good... because we like to downward compare to make ourselves feel better.

It doesn't matter natural talking about permie or vice versa... we only really comment, give notice and thought to the hot messes, because black women have been conditioned to believe that good looking hair is just unattainable for them.

It's really quite sad on both ends of the spectrum ~W

**nat_girl** · 05-18-2007, 11:03 PM

Some people just don't get it. By calling your natural hair as "less attractive" it is a direct insult on your race an ethnicity. These are the comments that cause low-self esteem in the black community.
On the otherhand, she may be used to seeing so many black women with perms that it has become the norm(and it has to some extent). Now that I have become natural, permed women don't look as natural and beautiful as they could and should be.
offtop: If you are unattractive, no matter what hairstyle you have nothing will change your appearance. Unless you get plastic surgery or something.
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Exactly,

Also, we need to start to have more open dialogues with people and start to act as a community and stop having this every man for himself attitude. (This comment is directed to the world community and not directly to you OP.) Since she went there with you, you should have spoke your mind as well (it may have given her something to think about). This is how people get out of ignorance, by getting a perspective or view that someone may have never given to them.