Can "good Hair" Break Up A Friendship?!?

**nappy chic** · 08-22-2008, 09:12 PM

I posted a response in the topic "My son has good hair" and mentioned that I have an unenlightened friend who says the same thing and she's natural. We have another friend who is a looser curled nap and wears her hair both curly and flat flaming hot tool of hair torture.ed. My unenlightened friend told loose curl friend that she forgets that she's natural because she is one of those "good hair" *******. I piped up that ALL hair is good hair because God made it. She said that she is jealous of our looser curled friend's hair but she's happy with the hair and skin she's in. I told her not if she is jealous she's not. Why are we still having this conversation in 2008?!? And am I giving her too much credit by assuming she should know better since she's natural?

She also proudly mentioned a couple of years ago that "she would be able to get in" after we had a discussion about the Detroit club that offered free admission to light skinned women and how sickening it was. If you are not familiar with that topic, you can read it here. I told her that even if she meant it as a joke, that the connotation is not funny, especially given the fact that is basically pits Black women against one another.

I know that everyone is different and entitled to their own opinion but I am wary of continuing to have this and similar conversations with her that I am reconsidering the friendship.

**LBellatrix** · 08-22-2008, 09:43 PM

Ignorance is toxic...and it's contagious.

That's all I have to say. :mellow:

**elaynej24** · 08-22-2008, 09:47 PM

Your friend sounds as if she might have a few internal issues going on. How long have you known her? How does she treat other people? I don't know if ignorant thoughts can break up a friendship. I think if she is disrespectful in doing it and after corrected, still doesn't see where she went wrong, then yea, she might need to become an associate, rather than a "friend". HTH

**newnatural17** · 08-22-2008, 09:51 PM

I know what you mean. Not with friends arguing over hair, but over other things. ^_^;

Try talking to her(them) about it.

weepsyboo · 08-22-2008, 10:16 PM

I posted a response in the topic "My son has good hair" and mentioned that I have an unenlightened friend who says the same thing and she's natural. We have another friend who is a looser curled nap and wears her hair both curly and flat flaming hot tool of hair torture.ed. My unenlightened friend told loose curl friend that she forgets that she's natural because she is one of those "good hair" bytches. I piped up that ALL hair is good hair because God made it. She said that she is jealous of our looser curled friend's hair but she's happy with the hair and skin she's in. I told her not if she is jealous she's not. Why are we still having this conversation in 2008?!? And am I giving her too much credit by assuming she should know better since she's natural?

She also proudly mentioned a couple of years ago that "she would be able to get in" after we had a discussion about the Detroit club that offered free admission to light skinned women and how sickening it was. If you are not familiar with that topic, you can read it here. I told her that even if she meant it as a joke, that the connotation is not funny, especially given the fact that is basically pits Black women against one another.

I know that everyone is different and entitled to their own opinion but I am wary of continuing to have this and similar conversations with her that I am reconsidering the friendship.
[/b]

:blink: oh wow.
Is this 1708 or 2008?!?!
I would consider the friendship. Honestly, anyone who is always trying to talk about "light-skinned & dark skinned", "good hair & bad hair", is not my friend. I have walked away from plenty of folks with no explanation because of that reason & I don't lose a minutes worth of sleep.

**Missy Kohen** · 08-22-2008, 11:07 PM

Wow.. I don't know if the woman has issues or not. I mean I look at it like she's entitled to her opinions. But you may want to explain to her how the comments bother you and would she please refrain from making such comments in your presence. I mean at least so you can say you did give her a chance to see if she can respect you enough to do so.

I mean if she's really a good friend, I think she would respect your wishes on this one because it's not like you are asking her for the world here just a little respect.

And I think you were absolutely correct to tell her that all hair is good. I totally agree.. the problem is people in general with all types of hair don't know how to properly care for it and that's what makes it LOOK bad. I have seen some people with scraggly, damaged, and very ratty looking naturally straight hair... all because they don't take care of it or do not know how to care for it. But it's not naturally bad.. LOL!

I know the whole good hair/bad hair debate will never end but if someone is your buddy and they actually respect you.. I think they would respect you enough to not say those sorts of things around you if it's an issue for you that you have clearly presented to them and given them a chance to rectify their behavior.

**MissEmbrya** · 08-23-2008, 02:35 AM

I've encountered SEVERAL naturals who are like your friend. Just because one chooses to stop using chemical does not always mean they have rid themselves of that slave mentality. :dunno:

**Scribetastic** · 08-23-2008, 04:55 AM

Your friend does sound particularly irritating because the topic of "good" vs. "bad" and "light" vs. "dark" comes up a lot with her. If she's a good friend then I'd just avoid the topic because it sounds like it's so deeply ingrained and you're just going to clash when it comes up. She should also know where you stand and edit what she says accordingly. If she didn't I know I'd say something like "you know that mess gets me riled up, could you please just keep it to yourself?" There is a time to just shut the hell up.

BTW, just because you wear your hair natural doesn't mean you've got a clue. I know someone who has locs and we were out with another friend who was shopping for hair products. Don't you know she looked at my hair, which I usually wear in a chunky fro, and said "I miss my bebedees". I'm like <_< ... whatevah. Nappies can be silly too.

I don't see admiring others as bad per se. I can love my naps but still admire someone else's hair texture. I mean there are times I thought how nice would it be to be able to run a comb through my hair and go. However, the reality it's the rare person who just runs a comb through their hair and heads out.

**msrach** · 08-23-2008, 06:06 AM

I feel u 100%. I can't say that I would write her off as a friend but I dam sure would not participate in any more ignant conversation with her. oooo that just makes me so mad! You ever notice that ppl like that NEVER seem to get ur point? Even when they think their OWN hair is bad or their OWN skin is too dark. It's like "buy a clue already" :doh Girl dont get me started...

Much Love,
Rach

**Totallycool** · 08-23-2008, 07:52 AM

It just goes to show that there are still a TON of unenlightened naturals out there. And the only reason alot of them are natural is because thy hide behind flatirons or have a loose "non-nappy" texture or both. Either way they still have that awful uneducated mentality about hair!