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  1. #1
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    Wink

    I really don't get this...honestly I find it quite irritating.
    I'm not married or anything but I've noticed in the months I've been on NP that many threads come up about a person's SO not liking their hair! I just don't get it?

    I have a friend in this situation also...I'll call her *Amy
    Anyhow, Amy is married to a guy who openly says he doesn't like natural hair...she's natural. He constantly calls her microphone head and other stuff like that, "all in good fun" he says.
    <_<

    Anyhow, she constantly straightens her hair because of this, and has some serious heat damage! And her hair is already really fine to begin with, and now when she wears it in its natural state it looks terrible!!
    Her husband also says he likes her best with a lot of makeup on...

    I don&#39;t understand...why would someone marry a person knowing that they don&#39;t accept who they are as God made them? Shouldn&#39;t these things be worked out during an engagement period for married people, or during some kind of courting period for daters? (though courting is rare nowadays)

    I know in a marriage there is such thing as healthy compromise, but I&#39;ll be damned if someone tells me they love me but they don&#39;t love how I look naturally.... :angry:

    So...thoughts? :unsure:


  2. #2
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    I don&#39;t understand...why would someone marry a person knowing that they don&#39;t accept who they are as God made them? Shouldn&#39;t these things be worked out during an engagement period for married people, or during some kind of courting period for daters? (though courting is rare nowadays)[/b]
    I know couples like this too...sometimes, the girlfriend/wife was permed or weaved when they first got together, so they were on the same page. Then over time, she developed the desire to go natural and stopped perming/weaving. So she transitioned (mentally and physically), but he didn&#39;t - leaving them mismatched in this regard: he still considers natural highly-textured hair to be ugly, unkempt, unacceptable (just as she did in the past), while she has moved on and come to appreciate the beauty of her natural hair.

    One of my good friends was in this situation and her husband eventually came around - she learned to do styles that they both liked and now he wouldn&#39;t let her perm again if she tried. On the other hand, I have another acquaintance whose husband has never stopped making snide, derogatory remarks (and I don&#39;t think he ever will). I don&#39;t know, I would hope that if he really loved his wife, he would try to accept the choices she makes regarding her own body and appearance and would try to be happy because SHE is happy. But it doesn&#39;t seem to work that way, at least with them.
    Challenge Yourself.
    My Fotki: Becoming Natural Password: AuNaturel

  3. #3
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    My DH is a first-class hater of natural hair. Disclaimer: he&#39;s black and I decided to go natural after we were married. He may love me, but he makes it clear that he prefers straight hair. I think you can love someone, but not love everything about them; weight, hair style, cleanliness, snoring, etc. Honestly, I don&#39;t know how I would feel if he decided to get locks &#39;cause I love a man with a buzz cut.

    That being said, he wouldn&#39;t dare call me names (microphone head) or in any way try to trash my self-esteem because that crosses a line.

    Hopefully your friend will find her voice and stand her ground. Until then all you can do is just continue to be her friend. She probably needs you.
    <div align="center">Last CFC - April 19, 2008
    BC - August 22, 2008


    I'lll always be a GA nappy
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  4. #4
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    Honestly, I don&#39;t know how I would feel if he decided to get locks &#39;cause I love a man with a buzz cut.[/b]
    Yeah, I know what you mean...or for those who like their men clean-shaven, what if he decided to grow a full beard? A beard is natural right? But plenty of women would revolt if their husbands decided to wear one. It would certainly take some getting used to. I guess it&#39;s the same for the guys when their wives go natural. They need time to transition too. But name-calling is disrespectful and not something I would expect to be part of a loving marriage.
    Challenge Yourself.
    My Fotki: Becoming Natural Password: AuNaturel

  5. #5
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    As far as beard growing as long it looks nice, then rock it!!! LIke how I view natural hair, if ur going to do it, do it right and with elegance and confidence!

    (my goal for 09)
    2 Awesome 2be forgotten Mia Fite/ etifaim luv u 4life

  6. #6
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    Yeah, I know what you mean...or for those who like their men clean-shaven, what if he decided to grow a full beard? A beard is natural right? But plenty of women would revolt if their husbands decided to wear one. It would certainly take some getting used to. I guess it&#39;s the same for the guys when their wives go natural. They need time to transition too. But name-calling is disrespectful and not something I would expect to be part of a loving marriage.
    [/b]
    My DH tried this and I was like uh uh. When I married you, you were clean shaven so let&#39;s keep it like that. He didn&#39;t mind tho. He actually really wanted to know my opinion b/c he likes to appeal to me. I was going natural before we got married so he already knew what he was getting himself into. If you were already natural before marriage, hubby should get over you getting a perm b/c that&#39;s how you were before. For those who decide to go natural after marriage is a tough one. All you can really do is pray that he begins to understand your decision and support you instead of bash you.

    Marriage is about compromising! It is not about one person changing for the other. You have to work together. You scratch my back, I&#39;ll scratch yours. I really hope everything works out for your friend.

    Oh and I do agree that some things should be worked out during the "courting" phase (which I also agree is, unfortunately, very rare!)
    Last CFC = Dec. 12, 2006
    BC = July 2, 2007
    Transition length = 6.5 months

    My fotki!! ---- You must be logged in to see my pics!

  7. #7
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    with some guys its simply like this: the way I met you is the way I want you to stay (b/c thats what attracted me to you in the first place).

    when I first met my ex I had almost no hair (I had a ceasar dyed bright red). then I decided to loc. nothing ever made him happy. but I was like this is my body and I have the final say, not you. my hair is still here but he is gone. some man out there will appreciate me bald, twa, locs, miss celie braids and all(cause I had one before, but thats another story).
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]just want to say thanks to my angel whoever you are. thanks for making me pretty in pank

    Yo I beez bloggin' check me at vivalaunderdog.tumblr.com (I finally made it happen).

  8. #8
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    I was recently in a similar situation. When I started dating my ex I was getting relaxers and wearing weaves and looked quite cute until the cfc started to do real damage to my hair. He hated that I went natural and is still trying to get me to straighten my hair. He and I are still friends and he says things like a big afro, since I still have a baby afro, would make me look like I never left the projects and that cornows would make me look ghetto and less cute and my refusing to ever relax again is just me being stubborn. :unsure: All that to say that I think going natural is a lot different from other physical changes. It&#39;s not like gaining weight which is bad for health, or growing a beard which is purely a physical thing. From talking to people, it seems that going natural has usually been driven by a concern for the health of one&#39;s hair and scalp. I think SOs need to realize that and see that natural hair is versatile with lots of styling options that both people could like. Isn&#39;t the health of someone&#39;s hair and psyche more important than hair styles...but I&#39;m only 23, what do I know
    Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used against you.

  9. #9
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    p. I think SOs need to realize that and see that natural hair is versatile with lots of styling options that both people could like. Isn&#39;t the health of someone&#39;s hair and psyche more important than hair styles...but I&#39;m only 23, what do I know
    [/b]
    Being natural is a similar health issue as your weight, IMO. It may appear cosmetic, but placing caustic lye on your body can&#39;t be considered healthy.

    And you&#39;re right, skeptical people need to see that natural hair is versatile. But that is a process not an incident. Even my first-class hater DH has complimented my natural hair once, but hasn&#39;t changed his mind.

    As excited as I am about being natural, I can&#39;t impose that on my DH. He&#39;s stuck in the world where straight hair is adored. You can&#39;t change that overnight. You just can&#39;t. I pray that I can be the person who changes his mind, but it is his mind of which I have no control. With love and respect for him, I follow my own path. Hopefully, he&#39;ll come around.
    <div align="center">Last CFC - April 19, 2008
    BC - August 22, 2008


    I'lll always be a GA nappy
    </div>

  10. #10
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    i can&#39;t imagine a world of having a partner who didn&#39;t love my natural journey as much as me. it isn&#39;t &#39;just hair&#39; which to me is key.

    when i first went natural, my boyfriend at the time was sceptical (he was the kind who would show the inside of his arm to inform me of his &#39;true skin colour&#39;. however, he loved me for me, and didn&#39;t have anything to say when i did it. saying that, my partner of the past two years tells me i&#39;m beautiful daily and can&#39;t get out my hair. for me, that is the way it should be.

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