A black person's hair is not as "good" as a white person's hair?

Bunicornaces · 11-03-2009, 10:11 AM

I had this argument, I'm not even going to go into details about it and this idiot (I love em still).
Anyways, they think that natural hair is "unprofessional" and that a white person's hair is "better" than a black person's hair.
Ok this person's mind is so messed up, like you guys have no idea. I'm not trying to convince this person; however I do have a problem with them telling me that my hair is not professional because it's not "straight" and "sleek". This person came up with the scenario that if you got a child from Africa and a white child and watched how their hair grew, the white person's hair would grow and look better than the black child's hair.
I was and still am so disgusted by this person, because I remember that when I was going to do my big chop, this was the same person who told me that my "black natural" hair, is not going to grow and they don't want to walk down the street with someone who "looks like a man". I don't understand this person, like for real guys.
He has this idea that white and Indian hair is better than black hair.
I'm explaining to him that you can't expect a black person to have natural hair that looks like a white person's because our hair does not grow straight and you can't expect to take care of your hair the way a white person does and expect your hair to come out great. (He used to have hair and literally did not do anything to it and always complained about how hard and unmanageable it was). And his reply was "maybe there's something wrong with black people's hair". This really disgusted me because this same person is the same person who was telling me that "mixed race people are the best looking people". I know for sure that he is very...(what's the word) confused and disturbed and probably hates that he is black (because of the fact that he's 1/4 indian and when he was growing his hair he used to say things like "i've got my dad's thick hair in the front" with disdain). How can you help someone so ignorant to the fact that they are close minded because it's impossible to agree to disagree with this person. It all boils down to them insulting my hair and my being black at the end; I was laughing the whole time they were insulting me but they were just getting even deeper into the insults. I know for a fact that he dislikes himself in one way or another and thinks for some reason because he's 1/4 indian he is "better"(I don't know for sure but that's the vibe I get from this person. Because he is quick to mention his mother is half indian and I believe from the little pschology lessons I received when I was in secondary school that people with low self perception pick on the littlelest most insignificant things and try to put power into them). I feel really hurt but at the same time sorry that he feels that all black hair is "unmanageable", "unprofessional" and that no one with an afro has ever won Miss world or any fashion/beauty contests. Gosh guys, there's so much I've put in there and so much i've left out but I know this person needs help, I know I can't give them the help(that's not my job, if i'm thinking correctly); but how on earth do you deal with someone who is like family and has this kind of attitude?

**jaimuziq** · 11-03-2009, 11:35 AM

He doesn't like himself, I couldn't be around someone with so much negativity!

**RunsWithScissors** · 11-03-2009, 01:59 PM

Here are some suggestions:
1.Debate and argue with him about this. But that is so not worth it. His issues are his issues and you can't do anything to change them.

2. Steer the conversations elsewhere while in contact with this person. Again, his issues are his issues and you can't do anything to change them.

3. Like Jaimuziq said, avoid this person. He has way too much self hate and spending time with someone spewing that much negativity is toxic to your well being. Again, his issues are his issues and you can't do anything to change them.

You can not bring someone into your way of thinking. This notion of good hair/bad hair is deeply embedded into our culture and is not going anywhere anytime soon. All you can do is love yourself and know you are doing the right thing for you....and basically to hell with everyone else.

Seriously....I don't let anyone get in the way of my natural journey with their negativity. Either you walk with me, you step aside and wish me well on my journey or I run your "A" over to keep on moving if you are silly enough to try to stand there and block my growth. And when I say run someone over, don't mean argue, debate, etc. I mean I will give you one final statement on my natural journey after that, you don't exist to me if you are discussing hair. I walk through you like you aren't there.

Girl this is your journey. Own it, love it...you may have to walk alone amongst folks that scorn you...but do so with your head held high and leave them wallowing in their own self hate.

**mrsjcomer** · 11-03-2009, 02:07 PM

Dezi said a mouth full. Nothing left to be said.

I needed that myself...thanks Dezi!!!

**Psyann** · 11-03-2009, 03:26 PM

Oops. I guess I did that reputation thing wrong. lol Sorry Dezi for sending you that. It was supposed to go in here.

But what I was saying was that if he doesn't like what he is, how could he possibly respect and like you for who/what you are? I would have to let him go as a friend. You don't need that negativity in your life bringing you down, distracting you from you happiness. I guess your question to yourself would be, is he really worth your time? Good luck girl.

**CinnamonBiscuit** · 11-03-2009, 03:48 PM

People like that, I keep quiet and let them stay stupid. However, when they start up about MY appearance, then I quickly tell them, "Don't get mad at the world just because YOU'RE ugly" (or any other thing that they don't like about themselves). They usually change the subject soon after that.

I know everyone has issues, but I hate people who project their issues onto others.

**catsy88** · 11-03-2009, 03:54 PM

Ugh...I am sick of tired of people saying white peoples hair or whoever's is better than black people's. I wish they can just get over it and deal with what they have. He is just a toxic person who's never going to be happy with himself. Do what you have to do and try to avoid these topics with him or just try to avoid him period if you can.

**juniormints** · 11-03-2009, 04:15 PM

Wow, some of our people are really brainwashed. This self-hate thing is really getting old. Do they realize how many people of other races are trying to get their hair to do what ours does naturally? Think about it: volumizing shampoo/hair spray/mousse; teasing/back-combing the hair, curly perms, etc. Why? They want big, voluminous hair. Check out the commercials. I wish our people would realize that our natural, God-given hair is beautiful.
Whether it's kinky, curly, or any texture inbetween, our hair is beautiful.

:wub:

**LBellatrix** · 11-03-2009, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by Dezi

Seriously....I don't let anyone get in the way of my natural journey with their negativity. Either you walk with me, you step aside and wish me well on my journey or I run your "A" over to keep on moving if you are silly enough to try to stand there and block my growth. And when I say run someone over, don't mean argue, debate, etc. I mean I will give you one final statement on my natural journey after that, you don't exist to me if you are discussing hair. I walk through you like you aren't there.

This seriously needs to be put on a NP Quotes Wall of Fame somewhere...it pretty much applies to life IN GENERAL. Can I get an amen?

Buni, to answer your question of "how do you deal?" YOU DON'T. You can't change an individual...you can only change how you choose to interact with this individual.