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  1. #1
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    Default What makes some ashamed and some so proud of blackness :-/

    Something that has always puzzled me is that I have friends who have purposely made their skin lighter (for 1,000,000 reasons but it is all down to feeling unattractive) or done things to remove the idea of blackness away from them - revile natural hair, find cornrows chavvy (UK version of ghetto) etc

    However I have always liked being black, never run away from the sun, loved the idea and look of wild natural hair since I was a kid. Always done my own thing. And yes I had a Barbie and Sindy dolls, my family used to leave copies of Harpers & Queen (posh sloaney white magazines) lying around, Sweet Valley High (blonde sexy twins anyone) was my favourite programme. To cut a long *** story short everything around me was white, I even went to all white boarding schools

    When people ask me where I am from even though I was born in London and lived in Nigeria for a short while I just say Nigeria

    Why have I never felt any shame or run away from being black?

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    I mean my friend screams from the rooftops about being Nigerian, wouldnt date a white person because it is embarassing yet lightens her skin, would not be caught dead with natural hair, flies from Germany where she lives to London monthly to get weaves done and the one the truly stumps me has shortened her surname (I mean taken an 8 letter uncomplicated surname and converted it to a 3 letter surname)

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by empresstigerlily View Post
    Why have I never felt any shame or run away from being black?
    Only you can answer the above question.


    What makes other folks ashamed of being black? The reasons are probably varied but black is not the global mainstream or the British mainstream. Some black folks have swallowed the lie all things white must be good, all things black or associated with blackness must be bad or a hinderance to 'getting on' in life. The legacy of slavery and colonialism did a number on our collective racial psyche.

    What makes me proud of being black is the same reason I am proud of being female. This is me. I accept what Mother Nature gave me, be it melanin or chromosomes.
    Some of us love living in the Matrix, some of us chose to flee the Matrix and some of us don't even know there is a Matrix.
    Last edited by Denny; 01-28-2011 at 02:42 PM.
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    Like Denny said, it's a part of the effects of colonialism. The Europeans wanted world domination, and they acquired a lot of land and minds in their quest to do so. In order for one group to be or feel superior, another group has to be made inferior, or at least made to feel like they are. So the fact that there are people of color (globally and from every ethnic demographic) that feel as if they are inferior, less than, and ashamed of what they are is not by accident. It was done systematically over hundreds of years. Now, even if you never see the tv or a subliminal media message, you may still be made to feel inferior due to the ideas of others within your own ethnic group who have bought into that mindset, and will talk about you like a dog the further away you look from European.

    Everyone should be proud of what and who they are. I'm sure it's an awful feeling to feel ashamed of what will never ever change, no matter how much skin lightener is used, no matter how many sets of blue contacts are owned, or how long and blonde one's weave is.

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    Mental illness makes people ashamed of being black. Whenever you reject something integral, natural, basic to self there's something wrong in your head.
    the artist formerly known as Electra


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    Hmm i can only answer this from my point of view and it wont be popular. LOL

    I guess you could say i was 'ashamed' of being black, but mainly because of where i was raised (although i wasn't really ashamed as i've alwayss been proud of how STRONG our race is i was more ignorant). In a white affluent area. Everyone is well spoken and educated. So when me and my girlfriends would go into the city we would see black people (usually young black males) that couldn't string a sentence together and would cat call 'oiiii buff ting' or 'come over ere wid ya fatt ***' and me being the only black person in my group i would feel embarrest. One of my friends dad's got jumped by a group of black guys and as much as i tried to defend my race whenever we saw a group of black boys they would let me down with their attitude and rudeness. The girls in the city i tried to make friends with would always have an attitude and come across really cold to me and my white friends. So as you can imagine i would try and dissociate myself with them as much as possible, i wouldnt wanna be seen as a part of that.

    I sorta felt like i didn't want my nice friendly personality being brought down and stereotyped because of the black people we saw.

    It actually got to a point when i was about 14 that i didn't actually like black people. I can honestly say i understand why a lot of white people have pre-concieved notions about us. If you've never met a black person and all you hear is negative things then whenever you actually walk past a group of them all you got was attitude and call you would probably be slightly racist.

    However since I've been doing my A-levels i can gladly say i've met a group of really nice, sweet black people. I love them dearly but if it wasnt for meeting them then who knows what i may think? Going natural also increased my self-acceptance whenever i look in the mirror i feel as though my hair represnts the hundreds of years of slavery and oppresion we have been under yet my hair still stand strong just like my people

    But yeah that's just my two-cents. I doubt anyone else has felt like that but that's why i was 'ashamed.'

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    Quote Originally Posted by Denny View Post
    What makes other folks ashamed of being black? The reasons are probably varied but black is not the global mainstream or the British mainstream. Some black folks have swallowed the lie all things white must be good, all things black or associated with blackness must be bad or a hinderance to 'getting on' in life. The legacy of slavery and colonialism did a number on our collective ethnic psyche.
    This, basically.

    Quote Originally Posted by moriahsuperstar View Post
    So the fact that there are people of color (globally and from every ethnic demographic) that feel as if they are inferior, less than, and ashamed of what they are is not by accident. It was done systematically over hundreds of years.
    This too...it's very important to note that people of color all over the world share this struggle. It was designed by whites to effect world domination and in many ways it has worked.

    Quote Originally Posted by Electra View Post
    Mental illness makes people ashamed of being black. Whenever you reject something integral, natural, basic to self there's something wrong in your head.
    I don't agree with this exactly. Besides the looseness of the term "mental illness," there's the question that I've been asking for a while now: At what point does "mental illness" turn into "cultural norm"?

    Was it "mental illness" or "surviving" that caused black women to straighten their hair when working in white folks' houses in the 20th Century? Isn't there still this element of survival involved when black women are automatically told (by other black people) that they have to straighten their hair, or wear a straight wig or weave, to get or keep a job? Isn't it still the case that some of us are considered mentally ill (as in "Girl, what happened? Did you break up with your man?") when we BC?

    Just trying to further the conversation...
    It's 2020...do you know where you're going to?

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    I'm not proud to be black (why have pride in something I had no control over, that I didn't do?) but I'm certainly not ashamed. For me, I just AM.

    But I'm also not blind to how the rest of the world thinks. There's a definite stigma attached to black people and being black. Some people can handle it, and throw in brainwashing and white supremacy and it's just worse.

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    No, it isn't mental illness at all because mental illness is caused by misfiring of neurons in your brain and/or a chemical imbalance. If a doctor or scientist looked at the brain of a mentally ill person, he or she could actually visually SEE the difference between the ill brain and a healthy one.
    Something that is socially learned is not a mental illness. Shame is social. It's not indicative that you have a mental illness.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by lewislover View Post
    Hmm i can only answer this from my point of view and it wont be popular. LOL

    I guess you could say i was 'ashamed' of being black, but mainly because of where i was raised (although i wasn't really ashamed as i've alwayss been proud of how STRONG our race is i was more ignorant). In a white affluent area. Everyone is well spoken and educated. So when me and my girlfriends would go into the city we would see black people (usually young black males) that couldn't string a sentence together and would cat call 'oiiii buff ting' or 'come over ere wid ya fatt ***' and me being the only black person in my group i would feel embarrest. One of my friends dad's got jumped by a group of black guys and as much as i tried to defend my race whenever we saw a group of black boys they would let me down with their attitude and rudeness. The girls in the city i tried to make friends with would always have an attitude and come across really cold to me and my white friends. So as you can imagine i would try and dissociate myself with them as much as possible, i wouldnt wanna be seen as a part of that.

    I sorta felt like i didn't want my nice friendly personality being brought down and stereotyped because of the black people we saw.

    It actually got to a point when i was about 14 that i didn't actually like black people. I can honestly say i understand why a lot of white people have pre-concieved notions about us. If you've never met a black person and all you hear is negative things then whenever you actually walk past a group of them all you got was attitude and call you would probably be slightly racist.

    However since I've been doing my A-levels i can gladly say i've met a group of really nice, sweet black people. I love them dearly but if it wasnt for meeting them then who knows what i may think? Going natural also increased my self-acceptance whenever i look in the mirror i feel as though my hair represnts the hundreds of years of slavery and oppresion we have been under yet my hair still stand strong just like my people

    But yeah that's just my two-cents. I doubt anyone else has felt like that but that's why i was 'ashamed.'
    i grew up in a black neighborhood but somehow never picked up on the culture of my surroundings because i was isolated. i know what it feels like being derided by my own kind. i actually used to separate myself from those "ghetto" people who made fun of my dark skin, yet called me white all the time. to build up my self-esteem i would say to myself, they are only good for having babies, they are just a bunch of welfare queens with no lives, they are stereotypical blacks that are not even black, they are n**** who make black people look bad. like i was seriously forcing upon myself a bougie image to escape their taunts.

    there are two main reasons why i see why black people are ashamed of their blackness:

    1. society ostracizing you because of their beauty standards, so you try to conform to the dominant eurocentric view of beauty by bleaching, perming, and cosmetic surgery

    2. I noticed that many black folks are not too open-minded when it comes to embracing different people. many of us are stuck in that "i'm not gonna do this, because thats not a black thing to do" mentality and avoid people are different. people who fit in this "different" category (people who have diff. interests - anime, rock music, etc) may feel that they are rejected by their own kind and realize that they are more accepted by other races because of their interests, or personality. such rejection may lead to them despising their own race. i have experienced this, and i believe you did as well lewislover. i think a lot of us are ashamed by the stereotypical black people who perpetuate every negative notion that has been used to belittle us.

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