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  1. #1
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    Default Learning to embrace your complexion

    Yesterday I was with my sorority sisters and some guy we all know said hi to my sisters and ignored me. I told him, "oh so you're gonna act like you dont know me?" and he was like "oh I didn't see you because your a*s is so black." there were a lot of people there, so i was angry and humiliated. i immediately cursed him out and he apologized and tried to hug me but i pushed him away. Then my sorority sister told me another story about some random guy in a bar coming up to one of my dark-skinned sorority sisters and saying "you're ugly and dark." like really? It's really disheartening that we have internalized a eurocentric idea of beauty. i have never had such an experience in my college but every time i hear such comments, it brings me back to the times when I was bullied for such reasons when i was younger.

    i wrote this thread so we can all share our stories about experiencing colorism, and hope that we can all inspire others experiencing the same problem.

  2. #2
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    ^^^Wow! That's quite a story. Where do you live? This is a college man who said this to you?

  3. #3
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    i am from ny - i know this guy and hes sardonic. hes a jerk and a lot of people dont like him. and on top of that he has a lot of personal issues and isecurities. i guess when your miserable you find comfort in hurting others.

  4. #4
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    To walk up to a person simply to say: you are ugly and dark. It's almost unfathomable

    My grandmother gave me a bit of grief when I was younger...she was light skinned (white biological father) and was convinced that my darker skin tone was because I was "dirty". Sometimes after school she'd scrub my skin with alcohol...lol. It never came off so I guess she accepted the fact that I just wasn't light like her my sister and my dad.

    Hmm. Also growing up, strangers would really try to pit my sister and I against each other. They'd rave about the long pretty hair I had and then turn around and console my sister by praising her light skin. Fortunately our parents didn't allow that kind of idiocy in our home. We knew our self-worth...so the outsiders had no lasting impact on our self-esteem.
    the artist formerly known as Electra


  5. #5
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    There are definately just as many issues out there about complexions as there are about hair textures. I've heard people make the comment "...ugly AND dark..." as if God has cursed them twice. It's really hurts my feelings to hear this even though no one has ever said it about me (not to my face anyway).

    I feel bad for the person they are commenting on and the person making the statement.

    Two of my sons have complexions like mine and both have mentioned that they wish they where lighter. Even the oldest who is convinced that he's God's gift to teenage girls has said that he'd "pull even more" if he had been lighter. It bugs me that I have to undo craziness that they've probably learned from the self hatred of blacks more so than the superiority issues of some whites.
    Last Relaxer: April 2010
    BC: March 7th, 2011

  6. #6
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    In Junior High my mom came in for a function and I got " that's your mom? how come your so dark?" Then they saw my dad and said "OH! ( filled with sympathy) - guess you got your dad's color."

    My mom is what would be considered "brown" and my dad is my complexion. Our family has all kinds of complexions and before then - I never really thought of it. But have mercy - it did bring a screw to my face ( like- no you didn't), a roll to my eye ( like- don't make me put you in your place), and a shake of my head ( like- it's so sad that you care

    I wish we would see the value that we all have irrespective or those wonderful traits that make us different. I wish we could see our differences and appreciate them like dots of color in a vibrant picture - together the differences are what make the picture beautiful, unique and perfect.

    *sigh* maybe someday

  7. #7
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    G.Eve is offline Active Nappturality Member
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    That is sad. There is this friend of mine, she is really dark skinned. I love her skin tone, complexion, everything. She always has a glow. I think she is 1 of the prettiest women ave ever known and seen. She is a beauty. Beauty is the confidence you feel abt urself n reflect to others. My friend glows, she actually spackles n she has so much confidence. Them people who think dark is ugly have got issues.

  8. #8
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    i teach high school and in the past 5 or so years i have a seen a rise of colorism among this age group that is quite sad. what is even more surprising to me is that the BOYS are just as caught up in their complexions as the girls...
    i remember one of my co-workers tell me that she had commented to a student about the tan he had gotten over spring break and he was VERY upset that he got darker.
    you would think that this wouldn't be an issue in 2011 but it is and i don't see it coming to an end any time soon. my own son, age 10, has made mention about his skin tone and it wasn't from anything he heard at our house. i asked him friday if that was something they talked about a lot at his school and he said, "yep, mommy. people call it coloration."...what in the world???? he also told me about folks, adults, at his dad's house that refer to him as "hey, light skin.." and i'm like WHAT???!!!
    so then we had a conversation about skin colors and how no tone was better than the other...all just a beautiful shade of black...i'm just hoping that some of this will sink in w/ him.
    http://members.fotki.com/bellazaina/

    We are creations of God...why let man define us when man did not create us?

  9. #9
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    I've always considered myself brown skinned. Because it is winter, some people might consider my light-skinned. My sister is a darker complexion, but still "brown skinned" and my mother is dark skinned. Even though my mother was dark-skinned herself, she despised anything else dark-skinned when I was a child. I always thought it was the oddest thing, but the older I got I realized she got her views from her mother (just like her views about hair).

    I used to get more comments about my hair than my coloring. When I was in undergrad, I got a ton of complements on the TAN I got while I was in Trinidad. Little did they know it was actually sunburn...

  10. #10
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    I was fortunate to have a grandma who always told me my skin was beautiful and that God took the time to paint me with clay and soil from the Earth to get my special color. Plus my dad is a dark chocolate skin tone so I had some one that was dark to look at. My mom was a different story but anyways lol

    I tried to instill some of this self love in a girl who became sort of a little sister to me. She is the darkest one in her family and the youngest. She is gawwgous! I'm talking perfect dark chocolate complexion. Not a blemish or discoloration in sight. She also has super beautiful long coily hair down her back. I think everyone else was just jealous of her because her sisters picked on her so bad. She was like 7 when I met her family and they were always saying how dark she was. They called her "aborigines" and always said mean things about her skin color. I would get on them but they acted like it wasn't a big deal.

    Well one summer she went to play in her friend's pool. Well, her friend is white and somehow they got they decided they should BOTH put on suntanning lotion. This girl walked into the house with an extreme tan. Her mom flipped OUT!! Now she was truly dark and I don't think I've ever seen someone that dark in my life!! I Laughed my whole azz off. It was funny because the little girl actually like her tan. I thought it was the ultimate unintended revenge because her family was so flabbergasted and she couldn't care less!!!

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