Our hair article

[Denny]

Our HAIR!!!!..
..Date: Thursday, February 3, 2000
From: Brother DG
Subject: Re: Natural Hair & Interracial Relationships

Speaking as a Black man who ONLY dates Black women in shades varying from cafe au lait to chocolate deluxe...
Who do sistaz think taught Black men to fawn and drool over straight hair?
Yup you guessed it --- the women they grew up around (mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, etc.) and the dominant society that pushes its own standards of beauty, daily. Why do sistaz think that if they had to come to terms with Black hair and African features, that brothaz don't have to get rid of such negative brain-washing as well?
Well, I can't change the dominant society --- not overnight anyway. But, IMHO, sistaz need to choose how they want to look for themselves and by themselves. If sistaz all went natural --- wasn't a damn thing brothaz could do but appreciate it. If sistaz want brothaz to appreciate natural hair... weeeeeeellllll...
Go out and get natural!..
Don't make excuses about "my hair is unmanageable (as if for the past 120,000 yrs. of homo sapiens sapiens history Black women:

• "have not been able to fix their hair until Madam CJ Walker came along...)" or
• "my head is shaped funny..." or
• "brothaz might not respond well to my hair...", etc. etc.
  ..

Brothaz are NOT goin' to appreciate naturals
if Black women continually go out
and get perms or dye their hair blonde, etc..
I have witnessed many instances where brothaz became not only used to --- but interested and appreciative --- in/of natural hair styles on Black women. So please, if one wishes to date white, brown or what have you men --- then do so. But do not make it seem as if Black men drove one into the arms of a member of another race. It stereotypes Black men without taking into account that we suffer from the same beauty complexes Black women do. And it makes Black women seem like pitiful victims, devoid of self control or power over their lives.
Fact is, ideas and standards of beauty were began first and foremost by the dominant society. No matter how much they want to touch our hair or compliment our African features, their society is the origin of the inferiority complex we suffer from.
Isn't it the most vicious type of irony that we seem to feel good about ourselves when one of THEM compliments us (hair or otherwise), when it was their buttz, collectively speaking, (so, please don't nobody start on the good white guy/girl they know story...) who got us stuck in this mess?
I get compliments on my nappy crown from white women all the time. But it don't phase me one way or the other cuz I REALY DON'T CARE WHAT THEY THINK. (Just how many of us DO care tho'...hmmmm....)
I have had sistaz tell me, "you used to have good hair till you went and got it all nappy." Ohhhhhh, well. I just file her as "Negro" and move on ... get back to her when she takes the blinders off...
True indeed, because standards of beauty are not so defining in a patriarchal culture for Black males, we have *mostly* liberated ourselves from the hair issue. Everyone does remember that as late as the mid 90's various methods of hair madness ravaged the heads of Black men? And back in the early 1900s we did all kinds of insanity to get it straight. There are still some brothaz running around with permed hair ... scary stuff to see...
But the point is, we brothaz took our hair back.
So now we got afros, dreadz, cornrows --- u name it.
I am well aware that for Black women, beauty being so intertwined with female existence in this society, it will be a more difficult task. But heck, it ain't goin' to happen if ya'll just don't do it.
Ain't no amount of brothaz goin' to compliment Black women into an appreciation of her natural self. Ain't that many compliments in the world!
Self-appreciation has to come from within.
..
Brother DG

[That_Mutha]

He has a point.

[KreativeKoils]

Good article. He really brings up some valid points.

[kell]

I really get what he is saying. If I get any complements on my hair it usually comes from white coworkers and I'm like ok. I always wonder why Black men and women just turn away, act like I didn't twa and nothing is different or say WHY, did you cut your hair and you would look better with straight hair. I don't wait or expect complements anymore I just don't care because if I did I would have a perm.

[CinnamonBiscuit]

He makes some good points, but in my opinion this is something both black men and women have to work on TOGETHER. One thing I keep seeing is both sides blaming the other for why they're messed up in the head. Black females claim they keep the un-natural hair because that's what black guys like, while black guys claim they keep chasing after the black and non-black girls with the straight hair because that's what black girls say is most beautiful. Both sides expect the other to just 'get over it/snap out of it' and that's just not realistic. Both sides need to come together, uplift each other, and stop acting so pathetically helpless.

[Bunny]

He makes some good points, but in my opinion this is something both black men and women have to work on TOGETHER. One thing I keep seeing is both sides blaming the other for why they're messed up in the head. Black females claim they keep the un-natural hair because that's what black guys like, while black guys claim they keep chasing after the black and non-black girls with the straight hair because that's what black girls say is most beautiful. Both sides expect the other to just 'get over it/snap out of it' and that's just not realistic. Both sides need to come together, uplift each other, and stop acting so pathetically helpless.

Exactly.

Both parties are equally to blame and I'm tired of certain black men trying to let themselves off the hook.

And he can miss me with the "we took natural hair back" line. Yeah, black men took it back for THEMSELVES. It's like black men appreciating dark skin... on THEMSELVES... but not so much on black women.

Just last week I read some article by a "Christian" man on a black Christian singles website about how black women needed to put more effort into their look to attract a man and that includes "doing their hair." And he definitely meant not wearing it natural.

Thank goodness a lot of black women cried foul, pointing out his hypocrisy as a Christian saying that he wants to only date women who alter their God-given hair texture.

He said, "Well, that's just my preference. All of my girlfriends have had straight hair and my wife probably will too." The moderator of the board, a black man, said that he was just presenting perspectives from a variety of men, and that women shouldn't get upset with a man for liking what he likes.

So this dude here trying to act all brand new can quit it...

[CinnamonBiscuit]

And he can miss me with the "we took natural hair back" line. Yeah, black men took it back for THEMSELVES. It's like black men appreciating dark skin... on THEMSELVES... but not so much on black women.

This part right here brings up a good point. There's also the double-standard put into play. I've gotten into debates with and called people out on their double-standards. But they just didn't see the problem.

This is why I feel it's so important for black people as a whole to work together in uplifting each other. Neither side can do it alone. This is also something that black people need to do by themselves, and stop looking for validation from non-black people.

[Urbanite]

I agree with Exotica and Bunny. He is placing full responsibility of the upliftment of Black people around the politics of hair/beauty/aesthetics solely on the shoulders of Black women. Both Black men and women have been affected by and have internalized racism...but Black women should be able to magically get over it and then lift the brothers out of it?

Maybe if he and other men like him just simply expressed their appreciation of Black women's natural beauty we'd be at least one step closer to getting out of this mess. Instead, he wants to point fingers.

[Bunny]

Maybe if he and other men like him just simply expressed their appreciation of Black women's natural beauty we'd be at least one step closer to getting out of this mess. Instead, he wants to point fingers.

Right. I think it's the finger-pointing part that bothers me. By all means, encourage black women to embrace their natural hair and their natural beauty... say how much you love black women's natural hair, and how much it brings out the best in her, etc.

That's probably why I couldn't get down with the movie "Good Hair," because Chris Rock put on this act of being stunned about black women's choices to do all sorts of crazy things with their hair.

I'm not at all saying that black men are totally responsible for black women straightening their hair and wearing weaves. But to act like black male "preferences" and expectations have nothing to do with black women's choices is completely putting one's head in the sand.

[Denny]

This part right here brings up a good point. There's also the double-standard put into play. I've gotten into debates with and called people out on their double-standards. But they just didn't see the problem.

This is why I feel it's so important for black people as a whole to work together in uplifting each other. Neither side can do it alone. This is also something that black people need to do by themselves, and stop looking for validation from non-black people.

So true but even from other black people..think of all the the 'my black neighbour down the road near the corner store don't like my natural hair' threads..ok I exaggerate but so what if X (who you don't live with) does not like your hair, they might not like your nose either but you keeping it right? If we spent ALL aspects of our lives trying to please people all the time (black, white, whatever) the men in white coats would be very busy.
I believe such things start in the home, kids do not learn in a vacuum, no point instilling 'black pride' in children whilst talking about 'bad hair and good hair' at the same time- that is too confusing. It stays with them for life and if the message is negative it takes a mature adult to deprogramme themself.