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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by liberationtheory View Post
    Well I'll guess I'll give a different perspective.

    While "struggle" may not be the word that best describes my natural hair experience, it *did* require a LOT more work than my relaxed hair. I don't think it's an issue of what makes which experience better or not, but it is a way that makes it different.

    I'm going to leave it at that, out of respect to the mission of this board, but I think that this is a topic that doesn't get talked about enough out of fear of equating "work" with "difficult" with "bad." Or the admonitions-- direct or implied-- about wanting long hair and it being a "silly" goal if it supersedes being natural.
    That's just it though, some of us who do struggle need to know that people before us struggled and that we aren't alone. It allows us to know that if you made it through, then we can too.

    That's been some of my frustration, feeling that everyone else who's natural has it so easy or that my hair doesn't have the potential. I liken it to some other life issues that I've been experiencing. Finding a group of women who are experiencing the same thing that I am has been such a breath of fresh air and also inspired me to look for things that will help me naturally. Feeling that you are alone and that what you are going through hasn't been experienced by anyone else is a very bad feeling.

    I need to hear that other people have spent 4 hours getting out knots and tangles and that things got better or that they may not get better. I would rather hear the truth and the hard truths than think this was going to be easy. I honestly thought that something was wrong with me or my hair because my experience hasn't been roses.

    I do aspire to get to roses.

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by au napptural View Post
    Yea, I think the resistance to what you are saying comes from the idea the hair is the problem. It's not that natural hair is inherently difficult to deal with. It is that we didn't know anything about dealing with it! We had no tools, we had no background, no support, lol. And the idea of natural hair as more difficult is built in already from our Eurocentric culture issues. We don't need more drama.

    The bolded part is not what I had hoped. Perhaps I should go back and read my OP. In and of itself, hair is just hair. I think that the issue that we (myself included) often have is that we can't "run a comb through it" or we feel that we "have to" use X, Y, Z to get our hair to look/feel a certain way that is more acceptable. Now, the acceptable part is fine as long as it's a matter of personal preference rather than based on societal expectations of feel/appearance, i.e,. "hair so healthy it shines." Using myself as an example: I have always believed that Black people "had to" use some kind of oil or leave-in. However, due to my current scalp condition, I've resorted to no-pooing and then not leaving anything in after rinsing. It has helped my acne and my scalp tremendously. It truly flies in the face of what I have believed, though. So, for me, my natural hair has not been as easy to figure out as some have expressed. It took me some time (8 years) to figure things out. Thanks ladies!
    Visit my blog: fragilehaircare-gilroygal.blogspot.com
    I share about my natural hair happenings, lessons, and experiences.

  3. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkdiva View Post
    That's just it though, some of us who do struggle need to know that people before us struggled and that we aren't alone. It allows us to know that if you made it through, then we can too.

    That's been some of my frustration, feeling that everyone else who's natural has it so easy or that my hair doesn't have the potential. I liken it to some other life issues that I've been experiencing. Finding a group of women who are experiencing the same thing that I am has been such a breath of fresh air and also inspired me to look for things that will help me naturally. Feeling that you are alone and that what you are going through hasn't been experienced by anyone else is a very bad feeling.

    I need to hear that other people have spent 4 hours getting out knots and tangles and that things got better or that they may not get better. I would rather hear the truth and the hard truths than think this was going to be easy. I honestly thought that something was wrong with me or my hair because my experience hasn't been roses.

    I do aspire to get to roses.
    *applause*

    I think it's important to be honest about what nappy hair is like for the reasons stated in this^ post. Some people talk about their nappy hair being a breeze to take care of because it is. And then there are times when I don't buy the positive portrayals.

    I see nothing wrong with mentioning difficulties. Just because someone discusses how challenging her child can be, that doesn't mean that she despises him.
    "Coal mining is harder [than writing]. Do you think miners stand around all day talking about how hard it is to mine for coal? They do not. They simply dig."
    --Sugar, a writer from The Rumpus
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    *Eternal thanks to the person who made me PANK!! *

  4. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Claire76 View Post
    *applause*

    I think it's important to be honest about what nappy hair is like for the reasons stated in this^ post. Some people talk about their nappy hair being a breeze to take care of because it is. And then there are times when I don't buy the positive portrayals.

    I see nothing wrong with mentioning difficulties. Just because someone discusses how challenging her child can be, that doesn't mean that she despises him.

    AGREE.
    But this is the purpose of Nappturality website: to obtain support and to offer support.
    I stand by my humble opinion, several hours to detangle is too long, and those experiencing this should post so they can get advice.

  5. #85
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    Well, just to add my two cents...
    My natural hair is harder to care for than my permed hair because I actually do care for it. When I had a perm (age 5-age 16) I didn't care if swimming in the pool and not washing out the chlorine caused a ton of breakage. I would just wear a weave or wig and call it a night. But once I decided to see what my actual hair texture was like I wanted to take care of it. Do I always? Certainly not. In fact I've had to start over...three times. And each time I get better at caring for my hair and I have also become more accepting of it's texture and length. Now I love a twa as much as a baa, which I could not say before this last go round.

    This is true for any movement where people are trying to better themselves or something. There are challenges along with a need to seem "perfect" so that people sign on to the idea.

  6. #86
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    ^^^Thank you! I was trying to explain this to my mother the other day. Yes, I spend more time on my natural hair- b/c I actually take care of it. She constantly complained that I wore my permed hair in a ponytail every day, wouldn't wrap it, etc. My ends and edges were constantly popping off. Now I wash my hair weekly, wrap it, twist it, etc. There is no comparison. And now it's almost APL at 2 and a half years in. My permed hair was stagnant for years.
    ~Sanity is Subversive~

    Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities~ Voltaire

  7. #87
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    I know someone on here who has waist-length hair that has a similar texture to mine and it takes her hours to detangle. She is a veteran napp and I don't think there's anything wrong with her detangling methods. Sometimes things just take a while for some people. It doesn't mean that they are doing anything wrong or that they necessarily need support. The fact that she's been able to achieve this length speaks volumes to me. I think we have to keep an open mind about what "should" be done to hair. If someone has extremely kinky, waistlength hair and then they want to do twists or what have you, it will certainly take them more time to do so than it does me. Likewise, my hair may take more time to detangle than another person's, especially if I am trying to do an other style than a shrunken fro. It is what it is.
    Visit my blog: fragilehaircare-gilroygal.blogspot.com
    I share about my natural hair happenings, lessons, and experiences.

  8. #88
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    Apr 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by gilroygal View Post
    I know someone on here who has waist-length hair that has a similar texture to mine and it takes her hours to detangle. She is a veteran napp and I don't think there's anything wrong with her detangling methods. Sometimes things just take a while for some people. It doesn't mean that they are doing anything wrong or that they necessarily need support. The fact that she's been able to achieve this length speaks volumes to me. I think we have to keep an open mind about what "should" be done to hair. If someone has extremely kinky, waistlength hair and then they want to do twists or what have you, it will certainly take them more time to do so than it does me. Likewise, my hair may take more time to detangle than another person's, especially if I am trying to do an other style than a shrunken fro. It is what it is.
    ^^Yep! My hair isn't waist length (yet , but it always takes me hours to detangle. I've tried every product and method out there (it seems to me), and now I just accept that because my hair is so dense and the strands immediately wrap around each other as soon as I pull them apart, it's just a part of having this hair. I have adjusted my detangling routine over the years (it's been almost 6) and I've been able to shave off some of the time (on a good day), but I don't think that there is any additional advice that will change this part of my hair reality - but that's OK. Since I rarely get to watch much TV, on detangling day I just put it on Lifetime and watch a couple back to back movies!

  9. #89
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    ^^THIS. Sometimes it just is what it is. I have hair that wraps around itself AND ties itself in knots. I have tried OOOCOOOOOOO detanglers, conditioners, oils, butter, etc that others have recommended and at the end of the day, my hair does what it does. I don't feel that I need any help. I just either have to "leave my hair alone" as another poster put it OR accept the fact that it will take awhile to get through it because of the knots.
    Visit my blog: fragilehaircare-gilroygal.blogspot.com
    I share about my natural hair happenings, lessons, and experiences.

  10. #90
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    Reading this thread makes me to feel overwhelmed in a bad way. If I was a relaxed person wanting to go natural, this thread would totally discourage me, its reads like life on the natural side is so involving - too much work.

    Why does natural hair have to be so much work??? Are we doing something wrong???

    Why does it have to take hours to detangle hair??? Am I detangling my hair wrongly??? I dont have long hair, I think its just about 2.5 - 3 inches long and my daugthers hair is about 8 inches long but it only takes about an hour to wash, condition, seal and braid/band together.

    One might be tempted to say if it takes us so much time and frustration to grow our nappy hair and maintain it, then its better for all of us to just have Twa's and be happy. Perhaps nappy hair was never nmeant to be kept long due to the amount of work and time involved in caring for it.

    But at the end of it all, we women/girls are complex creatures and even I will spend 10 hours washing and detangling etc if it will give me healthy long hair.

    Cheers!

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