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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi_Q View Post
    Today I posted a picture of my daughters hair on Instagram, it was sort of a length check. I really didn't state anything on the picture but just that "length check".

    A close friend of mines made a comment..

    "Gurl stop, don't instill a hair complex when she get's older"

    I was pretty lost at this comment.. So I responded to what hair complex is she talking about. My daughter knows she has long hair, it's on her head. She knows it's also thick and beautiful, if anything I've instill in my daughter is just that and there's nothing wrong with it.

    Then she get to preaching about how later down the line when she will want to experiment with her hair and if it falls out or have to cut it then what. As she stated "She will cry for her long thick hair"

    What?

    I'm lost.. For one my daughter is only 7. When she reach an age (1 that she will want to so call experiment, by that time she more than likely won't because it's about educating your child about their hair and how to love what came out their scalp. Something many of us did not get growing up. I don't have to worry about my daughter, she loves her hair.. big, curly and awesome and just like her moms.

    What really ticked me off is that she's also natural, so I would think she would understand where I'm coming from. But I guess not. It kind of ticked me off. So I stated that this is why there are females with effed up edges and some women who hides their kinky hair because they don't know what to do with it.

    It was a low blow because she's one of those people.

    Ugh, I never had a "let me explain this to you" moment before when it came to my or my daughter's hair til today. Even though I could have simply ignored it, due to her being a friend is why I had to say something.. Plus I go into defense mode when it comes to my child.

    Phew... I had to get that out.
    The only thing I got out of this is that your friend is doing a bit too much.

    Hair is one of those indicators on your body that can give an indication of how your overall health is doing. The same as skin, height, weight, teeth color/development, poop and piss. These are all things I recall my parents checking throughout my childhood.

    I think that how you approach your child about her hair is more important.

    "Let mommy check to see if keeping your hair twisted has helped it to be healthy, strong, and long?" vs "Your hair is soooo long and pretty. I'm going to take a picture of how long your hair is and show everybody because everybody looks soooo pretty when their hair is long."

    See, same activity, but different message.
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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by bhop13 View Post
    Sometimes you just want to see. You may not take any value from it but there are many that do.
    And there is nothing wrong with that! There is nothing wrong with wanting long hair. And there's nothing wrong with doing a length check if that's your thing. Wanting long hair and allowing long hair to define your self worth are two different things.

    I think the OP's friend needs to mind her own business. She sounds like she's jealous. Only black women get attitudes with long hair and try to play it down. If you are proud of your daughter's hair, OP, take pictures of it, do length checks, flaunt it for the world do see. Just be careful not to make your daughter feel that is the only thing she has to contribute to the world. Tell your friend to go kick rocks. Maybe her hair will grow in the process.
    Last edited by Micheli; 05-21-2012 at 04:39 AM.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micheli View Post
    And there is nothing wrong with that! There is nothing wrong with wanting long hair. And there's nothing wrong with doing a length check if that's your thing. Wanting long hair and allowing long hair to define your self worth are two different things.

    I think the OP's friend needs to mind her own business. She sounds like she's jealous. Only black women get attitudes with long hair and try to play it down. If you are proud of your daughter's hair, OP, take pictures of it, do length checks, flaunt it for the world do see. Just be careful not to make your daughter feel that is the only thing she has to contribute to the world. Tell your friend to go kick rocks. Maybe her hair will grow in the process.
    Two thumps up to this response.
    Michael Nathan White * My big brother * 1953-2011* Happy Birthday Michael
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  4. #24
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    bhop13 is offline Active Nappturality Member
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    It's just funny that someone saw "length check" and jumped to "instill a hair complex."

    ETA: What if it were a picture of your daughter losing weight? Would she have posted about you instilling body image issues? Or what if she were doing something to get clear skin? Would that be giving her a complex about skin? Sometimes checking progress is simply that. If folks are reading all kind of other stuff into it, when you didn't bring it up, then that says way more about them and whatever they have going on.
    Last edited by bhop13; 05-21-2012 at 05:45 AM.
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micheli View Post
    And there is nothing wrong with that! There is nothing wrong with wanting long hair. And there's nothing wrong with doing a length check if that's your thing. Wanting long hair and allowing long hair to define your self worth are two different things.

    I think the OP's friend needs to mind her own business. She sounds like she's jealous. Only black women get attitudes with long hair and try to play it down. If you are proud of your daughter's hair, OP, take pictures of it, do length checks, flaunt it for the world do see. Just be careful not to make your daughter feel that is the only thing she has to contribute to the world. Tell your friend to go kick rocks. Maybe her hair will grow in the process.
    preach!!

  6. #26
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    I can understand why your friend had that reaction. But why didn't she keep it to herself?! If she knows you, does she think that's something she has to warn you about?

    I definitely care about length of my hair, for a bunch of reasons. *shrug* I would be annoyed if a friend of mine assumed the worst.
    "I wore twists outside for the first time and the world didn't explode. Hurray." - JaeFuma

  7. #27
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    Didn't get a chance to read through all the posts, but in response to your first post Suzi_Q: Rest assured, your daughter will not have a crisis over hair, my hair was just as long as Nevergiveup's daughter's until I was 12 (year of my first relaxer). I just cut my hair from BSL to APL (and yes, my goal is to grow it out but I've had some nappy drama as of late and ended up getting it cut).

    Let's just say my mum misses the length and gets exited about the growth more than I do. She's so cute, I love her!

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by bhop13 View Post
    It sounds like your friend is the one with the issue. If your daughter's hair is long then it is what it is. I don't see a problem with saying so. And you should be telling her that her hair is beautiful. Most of our hair problems come from being told negative things, not positive. She's probably someone that is unsatisfied with their hair so they can't deal with folks getting results that they are pleased with.

    Experimenting with hair is just something people do when they get bored or want to try something new (unless it's to spite parents, lol). Going natural was an experiment for me. I liked my hair but I wanted to try something new.
    I agree. I have no issues with positive feedback and, honestly? We as a group and culture need to get in the habit of doing it more.

    I had a head of thick hair when I was a kid and having that hair helps me now as I'm just seeing how long I can grow my hair out. These memories will be positive for her most likely.

    Personally, I don't see the point of a length check, but it's the OP's child and she can do what she wants.

    Quote Originally Posted by Micheli View Post
    And there is nothing wrong with that! There is nothing wrong with wanting long hair. And there's nothing wrong with doing a length check if that's your thing. Wanting long hair and allowing long hair to define your self worth are two different things.

    I think the OP's friend needs to mind her own business. She sounds like she's jealous. Only black women get attitudes with long hair and try to play it down. If you are proud of your daughter's hair, OP, take pictures of it, do length checks, flaunt it for the world do see. Just be careful not to make your daughter feel that is the only thing she has to contribute to the world. Tell your friend to go kick rocks. Maybe her hair will grow in the process.


    I wouldn't have put it quite this way, but this sums it up for me. It sounds pretty harmless overall. I think the OP's friend is projecting. With hair, that doesn't surprise me either.
    "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." - Chinese Proverb

    "Fall seven times a day, stand up eight." - Japanese Proverb

    “All truth is good, but not all truth is good to say.” - African Proverb

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micheli View Post
    And there is nothing wrong with that! There is nothing wrong with wanting long hair. And there's nothing wrong with doing a length check if that's your thing. Wanting long hair and allowing long hair to define your self worth are two different things.

    I think the OP's friend needs to mind her own business. She sounds like she's jealous. Only black women get attitudes with long hair and try to play it down. If you are proud of your daughter's hair, OP, take pictures of it, do length checks, flaunt it for the world do see. Just be careful not to make your daughter feel that is the only thing she has to contribute to the world. Tell your friend to go kick rocks. Maybe her hair will grow in the process.
    I was all ready to type a response, but the above sums it up right nicely.

    Kudos to you, OP, for maintaining your daughter's healthy mane of natural hair. I hope it sends the unintended message to your friends list that THEIR daughters' hair can be natural & healthy, too, sans relaxer.

    P.S. Yeah, your friend has her own complex. What's with the if her hair falls out comment? If her hair was 2 inches and it fell out she'd miss it. You'd miss anything you loved and used to have, i.e. eyes, toys, limbs, youth, people, money, love, fingers, jobs...
    Last edited by AuNappturale; 05-21-2012 at 12:35 PM.

  10. #30
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    bhop13 is offline Active Nappturality Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by AuNappturale View Post
    I was all ready to type a response, but the above sums it up right nicely.

    Kudos to you, OP, for maintaining your daughter's healthy mane of natural hair. I hope it sends the unintended message to your friends list that THEIR daughters' hair can be natural & healthy, too, sans relaxer.

    P.S. Yeah, your friend has her own complex. What's with the if her hair falls out comment? If her hair was 2 inches and it fell out she's miss it. You'd miss anything you loved and used to have, i.e. eyes, toys, limbs, youth, people, money, love, fingers, jobs...
    Yeah that was a bit extra also.
    GOT PANK??
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