User Tag List

Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 52
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Louisville, KY
    Posts
    1,744
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by alecto View Post
    i agree with the others. Take the money and run.

    In 6 years you could:

    Have locs and an education that was paid for by family, have locs and a butt-load of debt because you had to go it alone, or have locs and no education because you couldn't afford it or get a loan/scholarship/bursary. I'd go with the first option.

    Don't take the money because they're giving you a shitty ultimatum, take it because in the end you'd get what you want and having a family willing and able to foot the whole bill is rare. Mine did and it is very much worth it now, at the end of my education not to have debt to start paying off for several years.
    this!
    101010
    My album

    password: gemela

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    PHILADELPHIA
    Posts
    2,831
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    18

    Default

    cut your dreads, go to school...

    Philly is a locked up town but most of PA is rural, and racist...your hair will still be nappy in 4 years and you should have at least 40 years to do what the crunk you want with your life after college.
    Instigating and waiting for the REVOLUTION to begin!

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    86
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    11

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by browncoco View Post
    So recently my mom and the women in my family ganged up on me. Like they usually do, and decided a month and a half before school starts . That my mom or anyone else is not going to pay for my education. Because its too far away which is complete bullshit. But after all crying I did they decided if they let me go. Butttt i have to cut my dreads which are about 10 months in . I've never cried so hard in my life ..... They think im gonna "disgrace" them when I go to PA. Thing is PENNSYLVANIA IS A LOCED CITY . Almost EVERYBODY has locs like wth how am I gonna disgrace you. When I'm not the only one who has locs like wth that makes no sense. I wanna keep my locs &i wanna go to school . How do I compromise?

    Hey browncoco,

    I sympathize with your position, coming from an African background myself and it does seem like the fam is using financing your education as a control mechanism . It's frustrating, I know, but a couple of points to think about:

    1. Your reaction to their demands is also very important to them starting to see you as a responsible adult. I know it must have been upsetting to hear that they wouldn't pay for a school so far away, but you cried your way to getting them to change their minds.

    Did you calmly/rationally explain to them the merits of the school, the program you'd like to study, the career prospects and why this school is well-placed to help you achieve your goals, why the people are great, etc...you know, the kind of stuff that African parents love to hear

    Seems like your emotional reaction was what worked in this scenario. But it also means they continue to see you in a position of immaturity, not as an adult who is making a rational decision.


    2. Did you discuss your decision to loc with them or what the process would be like? Why you're doing it, the benefits, maybe show them pics of "respectable" looking locs? We all know that all healthy locs are beautiful - but your family is not of the same mindset just yet so you have to manage their prejudices and expectations.

    Honestly, my mom wasn't down with locs (even though I started as a grown adult) - but I knew I needed to manage her expectations and minimize the chances of it becoming a big issue.

    Bottom line - family is family and your relationship is important regardless - even if they don't get where you're coming from. Don't go into this like a battle with them vs me. If they remain stubborn, prioritise your education over your hair but don't be bitter about it. Of course it'll hurt and it'll feel like the most unfair betrayal. But this too shall pass.

    You have the opportunity for debt free education and that's gold right now! When you've achieved a level of independence, then rock your locs as a symbol of your independence and a fresh start.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,671
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    How did they "let" you lock in the first place? I don't think this is about hair. I'm not locked but I do have African parents. At 18, I was a child. No ifs, ands, or buts. And i knew that growing up that i wouldnt be considered adult in the American sense. There are pluses and minuses to this obviously.

    So, I would probably say to the Americans here, would your advice be the same if the original poster was 13 and the parents are refusing to send her to the private school everyone else is going to?

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    23,026
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    76

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tenachie View Post

    So, I would probably say to the Americans here, would your advice be the same if the original poster was 13 and the parents are refusing to send her to the private school everyone else is going to?
    Welp, I can say that I've been consistent in my advice when it comes to minors complaining about parents not letting them do what they want with their hair, including having a perm.

    That said, they are not the same situation. As a 13 year old, she'd only has a much say as her parents would let her have, if they don't want her to go to a particular private school then what is she to do? At least OP can choose to forfeit her parents money if they are adamant about her losing the locs and either take out student loans, go to community college, join the Army to collect the GI Bill (and as I said above, with that option she'd also have to lose her locs) or simply not go to school at all if she feels that strongly about her locs. My parents are Haitian, her parents being African didn't factor in my response.


    Blog - Twitter - Ravelry - Pinterest
    To those of you who've been digging through Celebrerie archives and liking my posts, thank you

  6. #26
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,671
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    Had to turn off phone as on a plane:
    To OP, whatever you choose to do (you do have a choice & each has it's consequences) you would do well to not think of your folks as AFRICAN therefore ignorant. They may have different mores from you that exasperate you but realize that there is always a method to the madness. There's no reason to resent yourself (they are a part of you), accept who you are, where you come from and you'll be much happier.

    It's been about 15 years since I silently ignored my mothers request to return to the perm.. No it was not contingent on my education and yes at the time I still depended on them. I have "disgraced" her up and down the US and back home among the elders (none of whom actually has a problem with my hair btw).

    No-one knows your people and your relationship with them better than you. It probably isn't even about hair. My point regarding the significance of the age 18 is that you may not have been socialised like your peers to think that once 18 rolls around, you can move into your apt, make your decision as to whether to go to college or not, etc. So, check yourself. If your folks are sincere about not supporting you because of your locs, and if your locs (or independence) means that much to you, then you are in luck, cos you are American/in America, of age legally, and can do for yourself with a little grease to your elbow.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Whoville - Home of the Best "Who Hash"
    Posts
    8,867
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    22

    Default

    This isn't about your locs...this is about control and $$$. If you take the locs down - they MAY...MAY NOT PAY STILL...

    I say call their bluff one of two ways...1.take them down, go to school, and start another set. Don't come home for the holidays. 2.don't take them down, find aid/scholarships/grants and let them know you will pay for it BY YOURSELF OVER SOME HAIR. *(REPEAT: "I'm doing this over some hair...right?")*

    Yep. 1 or 2....

    BTW: Let them know that this post is coming from a BLACK woman, loced for 8+ years, PhD Student, Therapist (Mental Health and Drug Addictions Therapist)...

    Yeah - hair doesn't block success...but ignorance sure can.
    Karma is a boomerrang that will bust you in the eye.
    PrincessDrRe, 2004
    The grass that is lush and green can very well be growing over a septic tank.
    Anabwi, 2008

    SaPhia...it will return!

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,755
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    24

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tenachie View Post
    So, I would probably say to the Americans here, would your advice be the same if the original poster was 13 and the parents are refusing to send her to the private school everyone else is going to?
    Being African had no bearing on my response. OP being 18 and considering the loss of 3-4 years of locs as a high price to pay for a sound future, is what fueled my response.

    That one should even consider picking up, possibly decades of debt, in exchange for a hair style, just makes no sense. The debt will control your life in a way that makes the even strict parents feel like a holiday camp and tears will have no impact on that.

    Personally I would shave off my 6 year old locs for that opportunity. Hair grows, and as Soap said, there's a whole lifetime left to loc. I suspect OP would have her locs back before college is over regardless of what arrangement is agree at this point.

    DeBe
    Last edited by DeBe; 07-14-2012 at 12:41 PM.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Boston,Ma
    Posts
    190
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    11

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Favoured1 View Post
    Hey browncoco,

    I sympathize with your position, coming from an African background myself and it does seem like the fam is using financing your education as a control mechanism . It's frustrating, I know, but a couple of points to think about:

    1. Your reaction to their demands is also very important to them starting to see you as a responsible adult. I know it must have been upsetting to hear that they wouldn't pay for a school so far away, but you cried your way to getting them to change their minds.

    Did you calmly/rationally explain to them the merits of the school, the program you'd like to study, the career prospects and why this school is well-placed to help you achieve your goals, why the people are great, etc...you know, the kind of stuff that African parents love to hear

    Seems like your emotional reaction was what worked in this scenario. But it also means they continue to see you in a position of immaturity, not as an adult who is making a rational decision.


    2. Did you discuss your decision to loc with them or what the process would be like? Why you're doing it, the benefits, maybe show them pics of "respectable" looking locs? We all know that all healthy locs are beautiful - but your family is not of the same mindset just yet so you have to manage their prejudices and expectations.

    Honestly, my mom wasn't down with locs (even though I started as a grown adult) - but I knew I needed to manage her expectations and minimize the chances of it becoming a big issue.

    Bottom line - family is family and your relationship is important regardless - even if they don't get where you're coming from. Don't go into this like a battle with them vs me. If they remain stubborn, prioritise your education over your hair but don't be bitter about it. Of course it'll hurt and it'll feel like the most unfair betrayal. But this too shall pass.

    You have the opportunity for debt free education and that's gold right now! When you've achieved a level of independence, then rock your locs as a symbol of your independence and a fresh start.

    Everyone thinks I'm going to college debt free in this day & age ha impossible . Lol my moms going debt free I'm the one with all the loans. Because I don't want to stress my mother out with the money. But yeah I should have clearly done that . But they don't listen , they expect you to listen when they talk. But my turn they won't listen they keep on talking. The reason I burst out crying is because THEY WON'T LISTEN . It's not thing I hate it's like someone In forcing something on you. And you can't say shit or have no say because your mouth is glued together. You would get mad and the thing with my family is that . When I get mad I can't express it with words or anything else. My response is to cry,but I don't mind cutting my hair. There's gonna be consequences and the thing is very funny. When I had loose hair this was why happened . Everybody ganged up on me, everybody hated it . Family never supported me , they told me they would rather have me have dreads, and they would pay for my locs . If I got them ha so after a while I was alright when I was ready. Now that I have dreads they hate complaining about it again. When I cut my dreads with a low cut . They cycle starts all of again, I'm so tired of it. I wanna do what I wanna do for once at least.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Boston,Ma
    Posts
    190
    Reviews
    Read 0 Reviews
    Post Thanks / Like
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rep Power
    11

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tenachie View Post
    How did they "let" you lock in the first place? I don't think this is about hair. I'm not locked but I do have African parents. At 18, I was a child. No ifs, ands, or buts. And i knew that growing up that i wouldnt be considered adult in the American sense. There are pluses and minuses to this obviously.

    So, I would probably say to the Americans here, would your advice be the same if the original poster was 13 and the parents are refusing to send her to the private school everyone else is going to?
    They encouraged me too it's because my hair is still at the teenage stage . It's frizzy ,to everyone else including me . My hair looks great I like this stage but to my hair and other Africans . My hair is a total nightmare, and exactly with the African culture . Even if you are 25 your still a child to them. They will do whatever to control your life

Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •