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  1. #1
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    Default 2 years loced and sick of the flack im catching.

    First off, Im a 22 year old male college student
    Seems like ever since i discovered that my hair has a sort of loose curl pattern and went to get locs, friends( so called friends rather) , family ,and random black folks are always criticizing my locs. The older ones(including my dad) are always saying" You know you'll have to cut them off when its times to get a career", yet im an IT major.

    I started out goin to one salon but it took 6 months to get them looking decent. I got zero support in my locing process in those months.SO many people where telling me to cut it. One girl told my hair made me look retarded -___-. I got tired of paying for ,then sweating out my retwist after goin to some college parties so i found someone on campus to retwist for the low. After catching more flack from friends and getting retwisted in the wrong direction once i started goin back to the salon and things where ok for a while.

    I started goin once a month instead of every 2 weeks and people started giving me hell yet again. I tried a few different salon but still I had friends constantly say" dude go get them done right" , "stop wasting your money"," you can't be cheap with your hair". So i said to hell with and decided to stop twisting for 2 months and try interlocking it myself because I suck at palmrolling. I did it once and it didnt turn out so great but im willing to try again in a few weeks. Even now in the midst of not having an apartment and trying to save up and find a new one, I still catch hell over my hair from "friends"


    Sorry for the long post ,I just had to get it off my chest.I just don't understand why people are so adamant about my hair and my maintenance choices. Im tired of people asking if im goin to cut my hair. Has anyone else had to go through this?

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  3. #2
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    Indeed. The convenient, viable alternative is impending sexual objectification. In that, when your locs mature to a point of conjuring up wanton envy or couple with your person to be reminiscent of hyper-masculine depictions of men with locs, women in particular will ease up on campaigning for your assimilation and conformity. Or, whomever you seek companionship with may wait until they think they have emotional leverage to compel you to "grow up" and do the right thing to protect them.

    In these things, length and thickness rule. So, the whole time your locs aren't sexually compelling, it's considered a transition or ugly stage to many (even in natural hair communities). For the most part, even the most hardcore of folk about natural hair will be more excited about what can be when your locs are flowing down acceptably rather than appreciating the beauty of both aesthetic and consciousness you're exhibiting now.

    Keep your head about you and neither harden your heart nor engulf yourself in the superficially motivated affections which may come about when and if you let your hair fall into that comfortable space between the depictions of feral masculinity and envied flowing locks. It doesn't really get better rather than you have time to come to terms with it not being about you rather than people hating themselves and/or having been also brainwashed into perpetuating subjugation based on gender, race, etc.

    There are brothers and sister who have to define their curls even if wearing short hair. Folk will mess themselves up with dandruff to "get waves spinning" so that they can come off as having good hair that's also acceptable for employment. In turn, the way often perceived to help a male of the sort be more attractive for jobs and thusly mating is to have him keep his hair super short and modestly textured/patterned.

    Part of most people's natural journey seems to be overcompensating to assert their femininity and/or masculinity. In the case of males, the only thing folk care about as far as validating you is money. There's also advocacy, wherein you can be the lap dog of females in the natural hair community. In that, men in this natural hair movement are a quiet secret because being natural without short hair puts us in the situation where the only thing people can think of to fix it is the primary thing that folk have been taught we risk if we don't conform (increasing our chances of being retained or employed). Thankfully, there are places like this where you can read what was said to people who were treated like human beings rather than deal with the crickets which may follow (should people hold back their conformist "questions").

    Much like reflecting upon relationship counselors who don't keep a focus on the health of their own relationships, I'd advise you make sure you've got your self-education and hair care practices in order before you get caught up in overcompensating. There's really no criticism of brothers going too hard because money is perceived as something good to strive for even if you're not doing what's best for yourself over the long haul and such (out of fear of not being employable if you don't play along and/or let employers treat you poorly).

    Even if you allow your features to be pronounced and maintained in a healthy manner with gainful employment and substantive companionship befitting your preferences, folk will wish ill of you on those accounts and/or offer that you're setting a bad example which others won't be able to follow. Because, proof of it just being brainwashing and laying down to a White supremacist culture is irrelevant to the call for you to not be difficult. It's not your hair, brother.

    Your hair is just another excuse of infinite ones that other blacks will use to ridicule you for being less worthy to seat at the feet of their masters and unchecked Whites can use as motivation to figure out another way to say that you're standoffish, uncooperative, etc if that's their game. Whenever you're not the most docile and brown-nosing brother around, it's your turn to be bullied, teased, "just kidded with" into submission. In this culture of oppression, the first step is always to see what more the victims can do to avoid being the one targeted or appreciating that others are perceived as having it worse.

    Not everyone is like that so you just have to hold onto your values when times get hard and you're struggling to understand. When you're weak and vulnerable, folk will always come in to preach for your conformity and destruction. If it isn't a pair of clippers, it'll be hard drinking or reckless sex. If it isn't Adderral, it'll be joining other young men in degrading women or some others to let off steam. A blacked man with dignity outside of validation by women and whites is perceived as delusional. If you stub your toe, someone will offer that it's because you're not trying hard enough to be esteemed by whites and women. It's the crapstorm of heartless advice we've been born into.

    Please don't apologize for speaking your heart and/or mind. Thanks for doing so. I wish you betterment as you try to make decisions based on your values rather than your fears and/or insecurities. The self-education process necessary for blacked folk (particularly males as we're viciously boxed out of any manners of health and grooming that aren't to the glorification of our masters) is available through this medium and many others. Don't wait for acceptance and/or appreciation. It may not come until people have already tried to break you and found you to not only stay true but to also have mercy upon them. I wrote you in what I believe to be full because it's probable that you won't stick around, as so many people write a post or two and fade away.

    - Get yourself an NP Loc Buddy: Find a Loc Buddy
    - Extensive insights and experiences can be searched up from the subforum: Help Me With My Locs!
    - Try to get in the habit of checking in and discussing things with our massive membership of naturals.
    Last edited by Intellexual; 06-28-2013 at 12:48 AM.
    2009: Transitioned
    2020: Mature, Freeformed Locs

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  5. #3
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    Your social circle needs to know you hair is not up for discussion and you will no longer entertain their opinions on what you do with your own hair. Try and shut them down from the get go and they will get it. If you try and give explainations for why you do what you do they will take its as you giving them the right to discuss your hair choices.
    http://public.fotki.com/Lockyladyden

    Join date March 2004
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  6. #4
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    What Denny said. Time for you to let your circle know, in no uncertain terms, that if they have nothing positive to say about your hair then they can STFU.

    As for interlocking, I'm a DIYer myself and I learned how by watching many YT demos. If you still can't get it to your liking then maybe you should have a friend, or that person who did your last twists, to it for you because sometimes when we can't see what we're doing, we can make mistakes. I had my sister do my last retight and she had never done it before, all I had to do was give her a quick How-to lesson and she was good to go.


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  7. #5
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    Maybe it's time to speak up.

  8. #6
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    It's been over a decade since I caught negative thoughts about growing my locs, but I stuck with it. However, the negativity, did NOT come from my friends. I guess that makes a difference. Also, I live in Atlanta, where seeing locs is not out of the ordinary {especially within the last ten yrs.}.
    Do you live in a major city? Or a small {minded} town?

    I hope things get better for you.... I remember getting "envious" looks/comments once my locs matured. *roll-eyes

    *Quote* "If I cannot change the people around me, I change the people around me." - Chuck D (Public Enemy)
    http://www.Queenlocks.com
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  9. #7
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    Man I know EXACTLY how you feel right now... when I first started, my friends would find some pretty nasty words in describing my hair, saying things like 'shit locks' and 'looks like worms in your head'. I would sometimes laugh off some of the words because of their creativity. Nevertheless, stuck with why I wanted to grow my hair and those same friends compliment me EVERY SINGLE TIME on my hair nowadays, even my best friend said "they used to look crappy, but now they're pretty cool, I might even start locing myself"... Just keep your head up homie, brighter days are coming.

    Just for reference...

    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/jahroc-locs/dreadheadpic2.html
    ------ thats like 3 weeks in
    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/jahroc-locs/1020965.html -------- thats like 1 year in
    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/almos...icture029.html ------ these are like couple months ago at 5 years
    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/almos...icture030.html
    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/

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  11. #8
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    Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm close to graduating( Dec 2013) so my circle of friends is gonna completely change when I move back home. Im currently in a kinda boring military town in the south. People's main gripe atm is that I dont go to the salon anymore Or that my locs don't look like everyone elses. Im trying do the maintenance myself because times are hard and I wanna quit using locing gel because of the buildup( Its gone for now).


    Quote Originally Posted by JahRoc View Post
    Man I know EXACTLY how you feel right now... when I first started, my friends would find some pretty nasty words in describing my hair, saying things like 'shit locks' and 'looks like worms in your head'. I would sometimes laugh off some of the words because of their creativity. Nevertheless, stuck with why I wanted to grow my hair and those same friends compliment me EVERY SINGLE TIME on my hair nowadays, even my best friend said "they used to look crappy, but now they're pretty cool, I might even start locing myself"... Just keep your head up homie, brighter days are coming.

    Just for reference...

    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/jahroc-locs/dreadheadpic2.html
    ------ thats like 3 weeks in
    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/jahroc-locs/1020965.html -------- thats like 1 year in
    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/almos...icture029.html ------ these are like couple months ago at 5 years
    http://public.fotki.com/JahRoc/almos...icture030.html
    Dude im jealous of your hair, i can't wait for the 4-5 year mark. As long as i can pursue an IT career with my hair, to hell with peoples opinions about my hair.

    I plan to use a crochet needle and latch hook to do a better job interlocking this time around. I rushed it last time.

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  13. #9
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    JahRoc, your locs rock!

    @Javon15 - do you have a dread sock or some lock tams?
    Here are pics of my tams, but most have been sold already:
    http://queenscreations.wordpress.com...for-wholesale/

    If you are in college, you should be able to wear your cap/tam to class.
    http://www.Queenlocks.com
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  14. #10
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    Locs take time to form. Don't sweat the small talk keep focused on your studies. I purposely twisted my hair in the wrong direction just to prove everone wrong. And I did it my locs have grown beyond leaps and bonds. Now I am working on my third and final set. Its time to leave them alone for I have learned all I could about loving and caring for my locs. Just keep them clean and covered and your locs will grow beyond your wildest dreams.

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