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  1. #11
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    ^^ i also believe it's a gender thing. i experience this at my current job - i socialized with the guys more (with a couple of exceptions). to be honest, guys are less petty. i think social conditioning has something to do with this.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by GalaxyGirl2012 View Post
    another thing to keep in mind is that you live in the bay area.. there are a SH*T load of people here with social issues and who just dont know how to talk to people.

    true. it seems everyone has a different definition of "nice". i also find that the definitions and expectations and are dependent on gender as well. Females seem to be held to a different standard of niceness and rudeness than are males. For instance whenever I hear instances of women complaining about other women being rude and not nice towards another woman in the workplace, it's usually related to one of them trying to build a relationship beyond workplace conversation. guys on the other hand, at least from what i've noticed, seem to be perfectly OK with not having to make small talk or act friendly towards other guys, and they aren't called jealous, mean, unfriendly, etc either.

    granted i think a lot of this has to do with how women are socialized into becoming consensus and community builders so many of us have internalized a different standard of nice than what should happen organically.
    true, true.

    Yeah, I think you're right about that. I'm not one of those women though. I'm fine with the basics, but that's the rub. Ol' girl or, acutually, young girl just doesn't have very sophisticated socializing skills, I think. I don't have to be her friend. In fact, I don't want to be. I've still got other clients which means when I leave work, I go home and work. I'm still being courted by other possible clients. I've got a massively co-dependent boyfriend. I've got a huge Meetup that I organize...blah, blah, blah.

    There is just a basic level of civility that you have at work and what's telling is she doesn't seem to have that problem with other people around here. She warmed up a bit more today, but I think that's because I ran into a co-worker en route to work this morning. He and I had a mass transit story to share. She can't get away with the rude stuff when it's a conversation of three or more. That's why I really think it's some Mean Girls stuff because it's done, in most cases, where only I can really see what's happening.

    She be sneaky, I think. We'll see how it plays out.
    "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." - Chinese Proverb

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  3. #13
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    eta: nvm wrong thread!

    1010wins
    Last edited by Vavoon; 09-18-2013 at 01:27 AM.

  4. #14
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    To be fair, I don't think gender should matter. Honestly, the biggest gossip of my former job was an older ghetto behind man in his sixties. He and a handful of other triffling folks make work so dayum unpleasant. Men in general, from my experiences, gossip mostly around other men. I believe anyone and everyone is capable of just being unpleasant for no reason.
    By NP member Vavoon. This is me 24/7/365 lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kurliez View Post
    To be fair, I don't think gender should matter. Honestly, the biggest gossip of my former job was an older ghetto behind man in his sixties. He and a handful of other triffling folks make work so dayum unpleasant. Men in general, from my experiences, gossip mostly around other men. I believe anyone and everyone is capable of just being unpleasant for no reason.
    Co-sign. Men are not less petty than women. They just go about it in a different way.

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  7. #16
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    It's a good thing I'm an introvert who can be antisocial so I don't get offended with others are cool/cold towards. I just KIM. Funny thing is that I have been warned that one of my future subordinates is quiet and doesn't speak much, my reply was: so what's the problem? After interacting with her a couple of times I quickly realized she's simply an introvert as well who doesn't speak unless she has something to say. If we all sit around chatting, she will join in the conversation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kurliez View Post
    To be fair, I don't think gender should matter. Honestly, the biggest gossip of my former job was an older ghetto behind man in his sixties. He and a handful of other triffling folks make work so dayum unpleasant. Men in general, from my experiences, gossip mostly around other men. I believe anyone and everyone is capable of just being unpleasant for no reason.
    This is true, it was one of the first thing I learned being in the military.


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  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by assia View Post
    Co-sign. Men are not less petty than women. They just go about it in a different way.
    my experiences have been quite the opposite - but its interesting seeing other people's experiences.

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    My time in the military in a very male dominated field shined a light on how men display their pettiness. Women go the mean girl/clique route and men are more apt to make you the butt of their jokes or directly call your abilities into question.

    Now in nursing I see men are petty in the way the pit women against each other under the guise of telling you something "for your own good" buddy buddy if you will. Why do I need to know such and such is a swinger or that such and such doesn't like me. I ain't stupid, but you telling me is just giving me a "heads up" yeah ok.
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  12. #19
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    To the side discussion that popped up. There is no doubt that men can do similar stuff, but I'd be on the alert too if it were a guy acting weird. I do think a guy would probably act weird in a different way. However, right now, it's not the guys. The guys who work here say "hi" and "bye" to me, which she's now started doing (so I've not ruled out that maybe she's just shy; I just think it's unlikely). The guys and I have conversations which I sometimes start or they sometimes start. The odd duck here is the young woman and, since we're on the same team, that makes me a bit uneasy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Karibana View Post
    It's a good thing I'm an introvert who can be antisocial so I don't get offended with others are cool/cold towards. I just KIM. Funny thing is that I have been warned that one of my future subordinates is quiet and doesn't speak much, my reply was: so what's the problem? After interacting with her a couple of times I quickly realized she's simply an introvert as well who doesn't speak unless she has something to say. If we all sit around chatting, she will join in the conversation.
    I'm an extrovert who can be antisocial, so I understand that not everyone is wired to be the sort of person that can wander into a party or meet a new co-worker and just be at ease. I'm not offended in the sense that my feelings are hurt. It's more that I'm now watching her because, from what I can see, she's not that way with others. Her inconsistency caught my attention.

    Where I work is literally in a big and open loft sort of building. There is a wide open space on the main floor where most people work which is called "the pit". The developers are on that floor, but separated by a wall section that's open if you want to go in and talk to them, want access to a staircase that leads to a few more offices, or if you want to get up to the roof. Marketing, my department, is opposite of the developers and above the pit in an open balcony/loft set up which makes it perfect for chit-chatting over the balcony to the people on the lower floor who are in production, HR, support, etc.. It's a classic open office setup in all departments.

    She talks over that balcony on a daily basis the people down there, who are usually a chatty bunch in the morning, so it's easy to jump into a conversation. She also gets into conversations with people in our department regularly because it's an open office set up. I sit across from her and to her left, and our immediate supervisor sits next to me which is directly across from her.

    If she were cold to most people, it wouldn't be something that I'd notice beyond her just being antisocial or, more likely, quiet.
    Last edited by Scribetastic; 09-19-2013 at 12:57 AM.
    "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." - Chinese Proverb

    "Fall seven times a day, stand up eight." - Japanese Proverb

    All truth is good, but not all truth is good to say. - African Proverb

  13. #20
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    In these situations I'll try to be cordial a few times in case I'm misinterpreting, but once I'm sure the person is purposely being stand-offish they get it right back. Actually once a girl came up to me and apologized for being like that. I had put her on ignore and she could pick up that it was in response to her behavior. Well she's pretty bytchy towards me again these days haha but I think it's a mix of jealousy/ our personalities not meshing. And I'm ok with that, not everyone is meant to be friends (or even friendly lol). Limiting your interactions with someone is better than being subject to their negative vibes.
    Thanks nappy friend for giving me a PANKing!

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