Is beating your child, as a form of punishment, ever justified?

**orangegoldfish** · 04-26-2014, 08:54 AM

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...oes-viral.html

I was beaten as child, when I misbehaved. I was never beaten with a belt. My parents either used their hands or a wooden spoon. I never did anything quite as outrageous as this young lady, otherwise I wouldn't be here to tell the tale.

When I watched the video of the mother beating her daughter with a belt, I actually felt quite sick. I understand that the mother is trying to protect her daughter from teenage pregnancy. I also understand that a 12 year old should not be posting semi naked images of herself on the internet. Beating your child into the ground, whilst being videoed does, however, seem a little extreme. One could argue that this young lady will not be making the same mistake again, that the mother loves her daughter and would like her to have every available opportunity in the future. A future that could be potentially limited, if she were to become pregnant at the age of 12.

I don't have children and I live in a country where it is actually against the law to smack your child, let alone beat them with a belt.

**Fuzziwuz** · 04-27-2014, 12:02 AM

I'm not for abuse, but I'm from the school of hard knocks. We all have our degree on what abuse is. I can't say whether mom was right or wrong, but it was justified for her. Parents need to take measures with defiant children. If they don't we'll be blaming them any way. The reality: the pre-teen prefers to post nude images of herself. If that's the case, post the "good" with the bad... an @ss whoopin. It's a sad way to learn and listen. One thing for certain, the child won't be posting any more. As for mom, she did what she believed what's best for her child. Other cultures do honor killings or don't care. Who am I to say what's best for each household? No matter how I analyze, it's just a tough situation all around.

**coalblacklocs** · 04-27-2014, 02:55 AM

I'm not against spanking, but I think folks go overboard frequently. I'm prefer using other means first, talking, explaining on a level they can understand, and if it seems feasible, trying to find out if there are any other things, ie, mentally, that are going on with the child that he/she literally can't help/don't know how to deal with before resorting to all out butt-whoopings. (raising a child who is both on the autistic spectrum, and another one who seems to have some extreme hyperactivity coming as he gets older. ) I can definitely tell you as an honest hard-learned lesson that no amount of butt whoopings are going to "fix" a kid who's mental wiring is just a bit askew. So why even go that route if there seems to be extra things going on?

there is a period of time, late toddler-early preschool age, where I found that my kids needed to pick up the lesson, QUICKLY, and just didn't have the verbal capacity for you to explain it to you the million times they need to have things explained, and it was dangerous to leave it up to them to learn the lesson by making the mistake. running out in the middle of the street/parking lot was one example. Snatching away from me and running rampant in the store was another. In those cases, yes I butt-whooped.

I will also buttwhoop (or threaten to...i threaten FARRR more than ever actually do anything) if there is a matter of blatant disrespect going on, because I believe that disrespect is another dangerous habit for young black boys to pick up , and also something that you can't always explain to them thoroughly, based on their age. they need to learn it and trust me when I say they need to learn it or else. if i don't teach them respect, them what's going to happen to them? the consequences that life will teach them will be far worse than me popping their legs.

again, all of that is if a) repeated talkings, explaining in literally language, and warnings don't work and b) if I feel that it's a matter that they can legitimately control but are refusing to.

having said all that, having an 8yo that I rarely ever have to spank any more, who's properly treated for his issues, I can't see myself having to spank him as a 12yo. If i have a kid that is pushing me that far, I'm going to automatically consider that there are some issues going on with the child in which it would be best to call in a professional to try to uncover reasons for her behavior,and go from the therapy, possibly medication route.
(I haven't watched the link yet. don't know if i will, i can't stomach watching stuff like that.)

**orangegoldfish** · 04-27-2014, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by coalblacklocs

there is a period of time, late toddler-early preschool age, where I found that my kids needed to pick up the lesson, QUICKLY, and just didn't have the verbal capacity for you to explain it to you the million times they need to have things explained, and it was dangerous to leave it up to them to learn the lesson by making the mistake. running out in the middle of the street/parking lot was one example. Snatching away from me and running rampant in the store was another. In those cases, yes I butt-whooped.

I have a two year old godson and he is at this stage. If I open the front door without having his hand firmly in mine he would be out and running blindly across the road. I don't have the right nor would I feel comfortable smacking other someone else’s children, so if I am left in charge of my godson, then I have to find an alternative way of disciplining him. Obviously I don't spend 24/7 with my godson and therefore have the time and patience for this.

**coalblacklocs** · 04-27-2014, 10:54 PM

Right, I'm not sure exactly how I feel about another person popping my kids. I guess it depends on the person. It would have to be a person I implicitly trust. The only two people I feel fit that bill (besides my husband/kids' dad) would be my mom and dad.)

In most cases when they were at that age, I prevented to as much of an extent possible. I used tools, harnesses, strollers, whatever. My oldest was the worst with this, because elopement (running/wandering away) is a special kind of issue when it comes to children on the autistic spectrum. There are people who are against harnesses for whatever reason, but when it came to my kid, I'd much rather him be alive and safe with me with his monkey harness than to be dead or kidnapped, you know?

However, when you're with a kid 100% of the time, it's difficult to do preventions ALL the time. Sometimes you're off your game. Sometimes you forget things. Sometimes you have to turn your back for a moment. Kid number 2 came along ,and that put extra issues in place. In my opinion, it's easier for a person who keeps a child part time to be on their game with the prevention and other methods of dealing with such issues, than it would be for a person who is with the child 100% of the rest of the time. The child has to learn that when their caregiver is fumbling and dropping things because their arms are full, and they left the monkey harness at home by accident, plus they're coming down with the flu, and had to stop at the grocery store real quick for medicine on the way home, and it's raining outside, that doesn't mean it's ok for him to split like a wild deer across the parking lot. Those are types of issues that you have to deal with when you're the main guardian/parent/caregiver.

**Micheli** · 09-04-2014, 11:11 PM

I truly believe that when mothers feel the need to take a belt to a 12 (or older) yr old, it's less about discipline and more about power and territory issues. As quiet as it kept, some mothers see their daughters as rivals, are threatened by it and "need" to put them in their place. If this woman was so concerned about her daughter posting photos or getting pregnant, a civilized talk should have been the first step. Instead, she just jumped to humiliating her daughter on camera...sort of like marking her territory. And since she did it in such a public manner, I'm going to go as far as to say the mother was showboating. It's a barbaric a useless practice. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl ended up pregnant or marries the first man who comes along just to get away from her mother.

**Bithiya** · 09-14-2014, 10:01 PM

I watched the video.
Looks to me, from the video, like the mother has had a hard life, and doesn't want her daughter making the same mistakes she made.