Learning to accept a compliment

[wysdom1]

:doh

So I went out today with my less than perfect first twists (see fotki album) and was more than a little self concious.

I was at the coffee shop writing a paper and a brother who is often there comes over to say he likes my hair. I must have given him a funky face before I said thank you because he says to me... "No I really do like your hair. You used to wear it really straight right? This style fits you better."

So I tell him about how bad the twist are ..etc... and he says that I should stop being apprehensive and accept compliments because I deserve them....

My point in sharing this (even tho I still think the twists are cute but busted) is that I know a lot of us get flack from folks about our hair and that makes us defensive. I immediately put up my guard and felt anxious when I got this compliment and it was for no reason. I realize now that as a permie I took compliments more graciously, and it was because I felt like I was supposed to get them.

I love my hair and the way it looks more now then I did then, but I still have to work to shake off all of the baggage that says OTHER PEOPLE (non-naturals and guys) will not like my natural hair and have alterior motives when giving me compliments. Funny how all that conditoning you think you got rid of keeps creeping up on you. And its also humbling, because as pro-natural as I am, I still find myself having to work through not just other peoples garbage but my own too.


Does this happen to other people?
How do you deal with it?

Next time I will accept the compliment with a smile. :bis

[dewdrop]

When I get compliments I react in the reverse. I acutally get really excited because I can't believe they actually LIKE my napptural hair (expecting the rest of the world not to, and to make some comment about it).

Wysdom1: Since defense mode pop-ups, after accepting the compliment anyway maybe you should try asking why. Some times their reasons will make you feel enlightened (to establish that your nappy hair is Just fabulous). For example, the guy said "this style fits you better." Now doesn't that make you feel proud of your naps? of course!

[Laluna]

LOL...I have to make a conserted effort to not list a hundred reasons why the compliment ain't so....Ex.
Anybody:"Your hair is nice "
Me: "Ya think?? Girl, you shouod see it when I first wake up...whoooo"

yep, I'm definitely a work in progress :-x

[sapphire]

I get very defensive about my hair even when I catch someone just staring at it like they don't know whether to run from it, shoot at it, or beat it to death. I am very self concious and when people say 'oh your hair looks nice' I usually feel they don't mean it.
When my boyfriend compliments me on my hair I feel like he's only saying it because he's my boyfriend.
As you can see I need a lot of work myself. :huh

[Ipanema]

I used to feel defensive when I first went natural. The only compliments I got were from white girls, commenting on my puff. I used to get annoyed that black people would look at me like I was an alien, but here I am getting compliments from white girls. How strange is that? I just got to the point where I tried not to care what anyone thought. I've gotten a few compliments from young children lately (my relatives), which for some reason boosts my confidence more than any compliment from an adult. I figure if some kids tell me that my hair is nice, then I must be looking pretty good & everyone else is just too proud to tell me.