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  1. #1
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    Unhappy

    Anyone else here, besides myself, whether single or married, already standing firm in their decision to not have a child at all, and what are your reasons why? Do you get flack from friends and family members because of your choice?

    My reasons for not ever wanting to have a child are:

    Don't want the responsibility/extra expense of raising a child, paying for college, etc.
    Don't want to give up my current lifestyle (More free time, a little extra income, not having to worry about child care/babysitter if husband and I want to go out, etc.)
    I agree that, while procreation/birth of a baby is a miracle created by God, I don't feel that there is any real benefit for having a child/children

    I used to get some flack from my husband's mother, until after a 1½ years of me and hubby being married, and us not having a baby, she got it. I also don't see why some people decide to label single women and men and married couples as selfish if they choose to remain childfree. I never understood that.
    That's Pooka in the avatar in happier, healthier days. We miss you, Poo-Bear. (7/95 [?]-8/14/07)

    http://i17.tinypic.com/6bcua0x.jpg
    Amel Larrieux, me in the middle and Mr. Mer in "the green room" after Amel's performance at the Dakota Jazz Club on Monday, July 30. My hair is in a high puff. :)

  2. #2
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    Unhappy

    Originally posted by mrandmrsmer@Dec 1 2003, 11:30 PM
    I don't feel that there is any real benefit for having a child/children

    I completely respect your decision and I am not posting to give you flack! :nohuh

    Can you please further explain/elaborate on the above? What does it mean to you? And why do you feel that way?

    I hope that I am not being intrusive........

    Serenity
    Quotes from our sister Audre Lorde:

    "We have to consciously study how to be tender with each other until it becomes a habit because what was native has been stolen from us, the love of Black women for each other."

    "How often have I demanded from another Black woman what I had not dared to give myself -- acceptance, faith, enough space to consider change."

  3. #3
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    Default

    i don't have any. love children, but right now - the world is in a bad state. i don't want the responsiblity of children. it takes alot to raise a child and i don't want that. schools are bad- kids getting shot up, the drugs in schools, the teachers molesting children. any one who is raising children successfully is to be applauded, but i love and enjoy my freedom. whenever i get the urge to have kids i just hang around some my relatives children and that's enough for me.
    i like being able to return them :-)
    WHATEVER IT IS.... I PROBABLY DID IT

  4. #4
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    Default

    Currently, I do not want to have children. I am 21 so that may change in the future. I want to pursue my career in the entertaiment industry, and I think having children may hinder that. Also, I do not feel emotionally ready to have children. I think I will never be emotionally ready for that. Right now I see children as burden, and not a gift.

  5. #5
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    Default

    Originally posted by Twistednkinky+Dec 1 2003, 10:16 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Twistednkinky @ Dec 1 2003, 10:16 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-mrandmrsmer@Dec 1 2003, 11:30 PM
    I don&#39;t feel that there is any real benefit for having a child/children

    I completely respect your decision and I am not posting to give you flack! :nohuh

    Can you please further explain/elaborate on the above? What does it mean to you? And why do you feel that way?

    I hope that I am not being intrusive........

    Serenity
    [/b][/quote]
    It&#39;s okay. You&#39;re not being intrusive.

    I don&#39;t see how a child can benefit or make your life better, but having a child can definitely add stress to one&#39;s life financially, emotionally and otherwise, whether someone thinks they&#39;re "prepared" or not prepared to have a child.

    In my opinion, I think most women decide to have a child because they think it&#39;s something they have to do after they get married or that it&#39;s some type of automatic "womanly duty" or or their "biological clock" is ticking and suddenly, having a child becomes the most important thing in a woman&#39;s life. Sometimes, some women allow this to take over their lives. Why? There is more to life than having a child. Also, I think there are some women who think that having a child will fill some void in their lives or make their lives complete, which makes no sense to me at all.

    We were born complete and whole human beings, and things happen in our lives throughout the course of growing up that make us think feel we have voids in our lives. If there is a void in someone&#39;s life, having a kid won&#39;t fill it. It&#39;ll take up a lot of a person&#39;s time, but it won&#39;t make or break a person. I also think that most men only want a child to have someone carry on their name. Again, I do not see how having a child benefits a person&#39;s life.

    HTH
    That&#39;s Pooka in the avatar in happier, healthier days. We miss you, Poo-Bear. (7/95 [?]-8/14/07)

    http://i17.tinypic.com/6bcua0x.jpg
    Amel Larrieux, me in the middle and Mr. Mer in "the green room" after Amel&#39;s performance at the Dakota Jazz Club on Monday, July 30. My hair is in a high puff. :)

  6. #6
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    Question

    Originally posted by YoGirlToo@Dec 1 2003, 11:59 PM
    i don&#39;t have any. love children, but right now - the world is in a bad state. i don&#39;t want the responsiblity of children. it takes alot to raise a child and i don&#39;t want that. schools are bad- kids getting shot up, the drugs in schools, the teachers molesting children. any one who is raising children successfully is to be applauded, but i love and enjoy my freedom. whenever i get the urge to have kids i just hang around some my relatives children and that&#39;s enough for me.
    i like being able to return them :-)
    I hear ya! I like giving my nieces/cousins back to their parents, too.
    That&#39;s Pooka in the avatar in happier, healthier days. We miss you, Poo-Bear. (7/95 [?]-8/14/07)

    http://i17.tinypic.com/6bcua0x.jpg
    Amel Larrieux, me in the middle and Mr. Mer in "the green room" after Amel&#39;s performance at the Dakota Jazz Club on Monday, July 30. My hair is in a high puff. :)

  7. #7
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    Smile

    Originally posted by mrandmrsmer@Dec 2 2003, 12:40 PM
    It&#39;s okay. You&#39;re not being intrusive.



    So glad that you did not perceive my questions as an intrusion......sometimes you just never know how people are going to respond when you ask a question!

    Thank you for taking the time to respond.....your explanation was very insightful!


    Quotes from our sister Audre Lorde:

    "We have to consciously study how to be tender with each other until it becomes a habit because what was native has been stolen from us, the love of Black women for each other."

    "How often have I demanded from another Black woman what I had not dared to give myself -- acceptance, faith, enough space to consider change."

  8. #8
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    Default

    Nope, DH and I do not want to have any children. I think my life is pretty darn good the way it is and I don&#39;t want to mess it up. We all have choices and this is just one of my choices.

    Some people are like ugh you don&#39;t want kids. Other&#39;s are like don&#39;t have them it is a problem.

    I always tell people if having kids are so great why didn&#39;t you have your&#39;s earlier or why didn&#39;t you have more. No one ever has an answer. I think being a parent is highly over rated.

    The woman who don&#39;t want to have kids are called selfish. I tend to think it is the other way around. Do you really need some thing to say, "Look what I didn&#39;t". Some don&#39;t take the credit for when their kid is mucked up down the line. It is like look at what happened to my kid. They take all the credit when their child is a doctor or a lawyer but who is going to take the credit when the kid is a criminal. It&#39;s that the same kid you were fawning over when it was 6 months old.

    Children are beautiful. Other folks kids are beautiful, I really don&#39;t want that problem.

  9. #9
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    Default

    I don&#39;t want any either.

    1. It looks like it hurts.
    2. It does permanent damage.
    3. I don&#39;t want to get married.
    4. It looks like it hurts.
    5. Too expensive.
    6. Too much responsibility.
    7. Too much risk.
    8. Twins run in my family.
    9. I cant even keep a plant alive.
    10. It looks like it hurts.

  10. #10
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    Default

    Originally posted by phatlipps1@Dec 2 2003, 05:26 PM
    I don&#39;t want any either.

    1. It looks like it hurts.
    2. It does permanent damage.
    3. I don&#39;t want to get married.
    4. It looks like it hurts.
    5. Too expensive.
    6. Too much responsibility.
    7. Too much risk.
    8. Twins run in my family.
    9. I cant even keep a plant alive.
    10. It looks like it hurts.
    i know that&#39;s right especially #&#39;s 1,4,and 10 (box
    WHATEVER IT IS.... I PROBABLY DID IT

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