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  1. #1
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    I was reading a discussion about blonde wigs on another message board. Something about it triggered a memory in me. Maybe it was in reference to a poem or something, I'm not sure.

    Anyway it got me to wondering, and it amused me a little. I often hear black women saying "I'm not trying to look white just because I ________". It usually has to do with relaxers or something like that. :rolleyes:

    My mind took the idea and went running:

    Just because I'm straigtening my hair, doesn't mean I'm trying to look white!

    Just because I wear colored contacts, doesn't mean I'm trying to look white!

    Just because I wear a blonde wig, doesn't mean I'm trying to look white!

    Just because I had my nose narrowed by plastic surgery, doesn't mean I'm trying to look white!

    Just because I bleach my skin, doesn't mean I'm trying to look white!



    I'm sure there are a ton more, add them if you want.


    *Where does the "fashion preference" end, and the self hating begin? :dunno: Or do you think it really could simply be preference, and nothing more...no matter how many of these building blocks are stacked one upon the other. :lol:

    *Do you really believe these people when they say one thing and appear to be doing another?

    If not, where should the personal responsibility/admittance begin? Should an individual (or black people as a group) be called on it, or should we just ignore it and sigh/giggle to ourselves? Do you feel it's your duty to talk to the person about it--assuming it's a relative or close friend.

    I&#39;m just getting a little jaded when it comes to hearing the "live and let live" mantra thrown around when it comes to black people playing dress-up. <_< That and the tried & true they wore colored wigs in Egypt. :lol:
    Big Chop: January 2004

    Current style: Big azz afro

  2. #2
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    I&#39;d like to think of it as simply personal preference.

    The illusion ends, though, when some of these same women attack me and others for liking and praising our natural (nappy) hair, our natural (dark) skin tone, and our natural (um, "plentiful" ) facial/body features.

    When some of these women have the exact same things I have, and talk those things down while happily putting on the Eurocentric replacements, well...there&#39;s something deeper going on there.

    Since I can&#39;t change individuals, I simply steer clear or keep my mouth shut.
    Hello, 2021. Glad to see you. Hope you're bringing us goodness and light this year!

  3. #3
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    It&#39;s hard to say. I think deep down that person know&#39;s what&#39;s going on and only they can answer that question.

    I also think that problems also arise when someone else tries to tell a person what being black is.

    As far as the cosmetic changes (contacts, dye) IMO that along with mentality are factors. But then again who am I to say. (although I tend to be a bit more judgemental when it comes to plastic surgery)

  4. #4
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    When some of these women have the exact same things I have, and talk those things down while happily putting on the Eurocentric replacements, well...there&#39;s something deeper going on there.

    Since I can&#39;t change individuals, I simply steer clear or keep my mouth shut.
    [/b]
    Ditto, I agree.

    But I&#39;m continually finding it real hard to believe these people. I love that we are all so different, and that we can wear and look however we want to, but I just can&#39;t get past the observation that looking black seems to be the very last choice with a lot of people. <_< :lol:

    I don&#39;t believe most of them. :mellow: I just smile and "yeah, okay".

    I don&#39;t want to change anybody, I just want to know why so many Just kidding, that was a bit much. [/i] :blush:

    I think deep down that person know&#39;s what&#39;s going on and only they can answer that question.[/b]
    You&#39;re right.
    I&#39;m just maneuvering around with the idea as close as I can.

    But I wonder how can we keep to the saying that only that person knows what&#39;s going on inside, when they are almost in full costume? Are they to be seen as who they are projecting, or do we continue to look past that? :unsure:

    In the end I could give a darn what someone else does, as long as it doesn&#39;t affect me. But I kinda feel like this does affect me. It gives off an inferiority complex something awful. It sends out quite a message to the world.
    Big Chop: January 2004

    Current style: Big azz afro

  5. #5
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    Well I do agree with the "live and let live" motto...

    We have one life to live, and we shouldn&#39;t base our choices in life on the opinion of a stranger.

    I think that it usually is personal preference, but some people just take this waaaaaay too deep and try to over analyze it, when it really isn&#39;t all that serious.

    People try to analyze a person&#39;s mind and find some secret subconscious reason for what someone does...but it may not always be that deep.

    That&#39;s all I&#39;m saying. :/
    WOOHOO!

  6. #6
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    so there&#39;s tryna look white.. then tryna act act then tryna be white. what does all that mean anyway? i think most black people know damned well that no matter how straight they make their hair they will NOT look white . it&#39;s not like someone is going to say "oohhh girl i got took a quick glimpse of you out of the corner of my eye and thought you were white"

    i sure i do lots of things that other black folk might look on and say i&#39;m trying to be /act/ look white (and trust me, people HAVE told me this :rolleyes: )

    the thing is you can&#39;t look in on someone and assume you know their motivations behind what they are doing. things get taken out of context.

    and even if they are doing it to look white , who cares? it&#39;s their choice we still live in a free society (for the time being) so why do we need to institute the "black police" to keep people in check and tell them when they aren&#39;t looking or acting black enough?

    enough of the rant, i&#39;ll add to the list:

    just cus i wear diesel jeans doesn&#39;t mean i&#39;m trying to look white
    just cus i carry around a yoga mat on my way to yoga class doesn&#39;t mean i&#39;m trying to look white
    just cus i leave a health food store drinking a wheatgrass and apple juice smoothy doesn&#39;t mean i&#39;m trying to look white
    just cuz i buy organic produce at wholefoods doesnt mean i&#39;m trying to look white

  7. #7
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    I say it&#39;s their preference to dislike their features.
    I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: -Psalm 139:14
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  8. #8
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    When some of these women have the exact same things I have, and talk those things down while happily putting on the Eurocentric replacements, well...there&#39;s something deeper going on there.

    Since I can&#39;t change individuals, I simply steer clear or keep my mouth shut.
    [/b]
    I think we all know that with some it really is self-loathing, but some of it isn&#39;t. It&#39;s just where does it shift from a choice or preference to trying to erase the black off of you? Like LBell says it&#39;s just best for me to stay away and keep my opinions to myself.

    I just don&#39;t have the conversations where someone is sitting there saying all that rubbish to me. If I did, I would probably do the same things as vinny and just be like: <_< um, yeah, okay.

    It really is an issue of them having to recognize what&#39;s happening. Then they have to find a way to articulate it and work through it. Bring it up before then and there is going to be a fight and you end up with the label of being militant and controlling. I don&#39;t want that label slapped on me, but I have stronger than strong opinions on black women and our hair as well as other methods of altering your looks.

    However, I&#39;ve always been the smart one. My mom made me speak proper English, so to this day I have no trace of an African-American dialect in my speech. When I do speak that way it feels real fake. I had tons of mean little kids accuse me of acting white because I did well in school and spoke "proper" English. So I&#39;m very careful with throwing the "trying to be white" label around because "being black" isn&#39;t just one way of acting or being.

    I just realize it&#39;s their choice and as someone said they have the choice to dislike their features. It&#39;s sad, but what can you do?
    "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." - Chinese Proverb

    "Fall seven times a day, stand up eight." - Japanese Proverb

    “All truth is good, but not all truth is good to say.” - African Proverb

  9. #9
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    so why do we need to institute the "black police" to keep people in check and tell them when they aren&#39;t looking or acting black enough?[/b]
    I don&#39;t think we need to. :dunno: I wouldn&#39;t have taken it that far. But I think some observation of our culture is healthy. I&#39;m not nitpicking or attempting to stop others from doing something. Heck, I don&#39;t even speak to people who embody the things I posted in the beginning. I see them around, whether it&#39;s at work or on tv. I wouldn&#39;t just start this convo with someone trying to convert them to something. I don&#39;t have any particular style of life to convert them to. :dunno: I&#39;m not the __________ police. I&#39;m not trying to get a gameplan started or anything. :blush:

    just cus i wear diesel jeans doesn&#39;t mean i&#39;m trying to look white
    just cus i carry around a yoga mat on my way to yoga class doesn&#39;t mean i&#39;m trying to look white
    just cus i leave a health food store drinking a wheatgrass and apple juice smoothy doesn&#39;t mean i&#39;m trying to look white
    just cuz i buy organic produce at wholefoods doesnt mean i&#39;m trying to look white[/b]
    I dunno...do you really think that&#39;s in the same league with altering physical features? :blink: We&#39;ve all gotten the accusation that we talk white. That&#39;s just from insecure people who feel threatened or inadequate.

    I know where you&#39;re coming from, but the basis of it is that blacks aren&#39;t/can&#39;t be educated or sophisticated, and that&#39;s wrong. These actions don&#39;t equate to striving to be white. There are plenty of educated black folks that are known for nothing of the kind. I think this is regional thing (And when I say striving to be white, or trying to look white, I don&#39;t mean it literally. I mean altering yourself as a means to distance yourself from black culture, and genetic features. I know that black women aren&#39;t trying to become white literally. Little Kim is a prime example. I&#39;ve seen enough of her videos to know that she&#39;s under no illusion that she&#39;s white, :lol: but her physical alterations are contrary to her native birthright.)


    I think we&#39;re at a sad point in the black community where education is looked down upon, but it&#39;s temporary. I don&#39;t find that to be the same as our sense of style and physical embodiement. But that&#39;s just me.

    Live and let live is great. Fine. But I&#39;m tired of it being used as a crutch or a tool of enablement for blacks who want to escape self-reflection. That&#39;s all I&#39;m saying. And they will & do get away with it. Let&#39;s not round them up or anything, but I&#39;m simply wondering if it&#39;s okay to notice these people.

    I see this live&.... a lot concerning hair, and it&#39;s not necesarily because these are easygoing, or even tolerant poeple. :lol: They just don&#39;t want to think about what they are doing to themselves. They just don&#39;t want to be counted among the number of us who need to step back and look at ourselves. And we sure as hell don&#39;t want to confront our shame, and the things it may make us do.

    Most of these "live & let live" people and "do you" people will say that when they are being constructively questioned or invited to debate a topic close to heart and too close to home.

    But then rant about something else. :lol: I&#39;ve noticed this on the particular message board that got started this topic.


    I&#39;ve got two more:
    Just because I&#39;m trafficing hoes, doesn&#39;t mean I&#39;m a pimp!

    Just because I strategize to have sex with multiple women, doesn&#39;t mean I&#39;m a player!
    j/k :P

    Bring it up before then and there is going to be a fight and you end up with the label of being militant and controlling. [/b]
    That was one of my concerns when starting this thread, which has had very little play. I figured some would think I&#39;m trying harness the free spirits simply by stating a few observations, lol!
    Big Chop: January 2004

    Current style: Big azz afro

  10. #10
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    io understand where you&#39;re coming from vinny

    the thing is we never really have a clear idea of what people&#39;s intentions or motives are when they do anything, heck half the time they dont even know themselves. i&#39;m sure there are people who straighten theiur hair becuase they genuinely hate their hair and have the fear of ending up like dude in hollywood shuffle who needed his jerri curl juice :lol:

    but there are also people who might do it because they dont know what else to do and believe its easier to relax their hair than to deal with the real texture.

    same with eye color i used to know a dirl who would swear up and down those green contacts she was wearing was her eye color even though you could see the ridges in the contacts that made her eyes sorta look like those lens thingies that geordie on star trek had in his eyes :lol:

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