A Debate On Black Relationships Being Held By The Gla

[Denny]

This debate is being held by the Greater London Assembly- aka City Hall. The first one is during a lunch break (unfortunately I will miss that one) if I get to go will let you know what went on. One of my mates works there so she will be attending.

THE URGENT DEBATE


Picture the scene: An established and popular night-club in one of England’s larger and more diverse cities. It’s a well promoted and publicised event for the more mature clientele, aged 35 and over. It’s a ticketed event and the venue is spacious and sophisticated.

The people are well-dressed and well behaved, elegant and poised. It’s a racially diverse group of people but predominately Caribbean. The DJ plays Revivals, R&B, Soul and Soca.

The venue is filling up – it looks like its going to be good night. Every one seems to be having fun. But look closer, something seems a little off balanced. The ratio of women to men is approximately 6–1 and most of the men came with their partners.

There are a few non-black women in the club but they either came with a partner (often black) or the rush to approach them for a dance forces the men to push the black women out the way.

Only a few other women are approached for a dance, which doesn’t seem to impact on their ability to have fun. They’ve paid their money and they are going to get their money’s worth.

These women have one thing in common - they are independent and single. The other differences are superficial, eg. some in professional careers or semi-professional, others in further education, home owners or responsible for the rent, some have children and some are childless, divorced or never married.

If you speak to them they will tell you that black men don’t want them and, those who do, treat them with no respect.

These women know how they would like to be treated by a man but would rather remain on their own rather than compromise their positions.

The social phenomenon taking place is apparent to all those who care to see it. But how many dare to question it. What is the cause of such an abandonment of black female by the black male and vice versa? Will this lead to whole generation of black people living out their lives without the option of companionship from their own race?

Are the black females responsible for this abandonment or are the men? Has society’s stereotype of black people influenced us to turn away from each other?

Do black women see black men as irresponsible, lazy and dishonest? Do black men believe that black women are greedy, insensitive, aggressive, unadventurous and difficult.
Is this subconscious self-hatred? Is it leading us to erasing our ‘blackness’.
What are the consequences of what appears to the erosion of the ‘black family? Could it affect the performance of African/Caribbean children in the education systems? Could it explain the reasons for the disproportion representation of African/Caribbean people in the penal and mental health institutions?
These are just a few of the questions that come to mind. The answers may not be immediately apparent but it is imperative for our community must be bold enough to explore these, and many other questions.

An open debate is urgently required.

[ms_rite]

Thanks for the details, Denny. I have a few questions.

Who is this event organised by? Is there a panel of speakers? I'm trying to work out if this event about the lack of black men for black women or the state of the black community in the UK. I know they are interrelated but it seems to lack logic to tie all those issues together like that...

There was a time when i would rush to events like this, but now I just see them as a waste of my time. Everytime I go to such events I'm left wondering what the objective is? And in this case I would ask what will I learn about myself, my community or black men that I dont already know. What's been described there is a typical Friday/Saturday night out in London - to me anyway.

[Denny]

It seems that black people in the GLA are organising it I don't know its from a particualar department. My friend just sent me the email with this attachment. I don't see the point in it being a lunch thing tho unless its just for the black staff at City Hall. Once I get more information I will pass it on I will go out of curiousity but would not surprised if it descended into an argument on gender stereotypes you know the aggressive black woman and lazy black man etc. Black men go for what they want and if they don't want the 'average black woman' what we gonna do club em over the head an drag em to our caves? :rolleyes:

[Sweetwhispers]

Is this stuff really true??? I'm not in this age/lifestyle/ background so can black women not really find black men ? Are all black british men with white women? Is it true there will be no black afro-caribbean people in 50 years( as i've read)? I thought it was all overdramatised. Is it true! Is it!!!lol!!!

[Denny]

Is this stuff really true??? I'm not in this age/lifestyle/ background so can black women not really find black men ? Are all black british men with white women? Is it true there will be no black afro-caribbean people in 50 years( as i've read)? I thought it was all overdramatised. Is it true! Is it!!!lol!!!
[/b]

I watched a Channel Four show this year on the History of Black people in Britain they suggested that the Caribbean community were 'browning' themselves out of existence due to the growing number of mixed race white/black couples. I don't know how true it is or if its another urban myth.- the stats are that a large percentage 50% of black men are not with black women ... Even if it is there are other black people from other parts of the world who live here but I suspect like most immigrant groups each one whether African background or West Indian background tend to stick to their own culture?
For some reason our parents back in the 50's and 60's got together and did their thing the children born of those unions seem to having a hard time getting together.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/static/in..._of_britain.stm

[Osafo]

I agree with the overall concern of how black women and men view each other. In my opinion, those who think there are no "good" black men or women left, have been trampled on too many times emotionally. Even if only once. There definitely is a need for some type of resolution. In the meantime, I pose these questions: How often do these individuals evaluate themselves? Do you have a defined criteria of characteristics in a potential partner that compliment your personality? Is there room for a sliding scale?

There are many other questions a person can ask themselves. The resolution starts from within. I believe myself to be a "good" black man who will accept nothing less than a black woman because she is all to me. (My black Empress Melanie Raven...Respect!) I would like to share a piece I wrote, which displays a few of my feelings on the black woman. Like to read it? Here it goes: :rolleyes:

Ode To Black Woman

My love is for my woman,
Whom I will cherish as the mother of the earth,
Creation and life.
When my woman is strong, she cools the tempest.
The world is humbled before her very presence.
When I know what my woman has gone through,
Past to present,
It makes I man stronger with the knowledge and wisdom of past warriors,
To protect, serve and love the woman,
The mother,
The life-giver,
The creation blessing.
Fear not woman,
For I man, all man, will come around one day, full circle,
Back to the Goddess.

The Goddess,
The original and most supreme deity.
She was taken from our thoughts and mind physically,
Mentally and religiously
Because of the need of man to be in control,
Instead of God and Goddess
Through earth and nature.
I man must give back the title of Goddess to my woman,
For without her there would be no man.

This is an Ode to my Black Woman, Goddess of the earth, Queen of nature,
Empress of man.

Osafo
ã August 19, 2005

[ms_rite]

It seems that black people in the GLA are organising it I don't know its from a particualar department. My friend just sent me the email with this attachment. I don't see the point in it being a lunch thing tho unless its just for the black staff at City Hall. Once I get more information I will pass it on I will go out of curiousity but would not surprised if it descended into an argument on gender stereotypes you know the aggressive black woman and lazy black man etc. Black men go for what they want and if they don't want the 'average black woman' what we gonna do club em over the head an drag em to our caves? :rolleyes:
[/b]

Exactly - and its just going to full of black women anyways. I can&#39;t see black men wanting to go to this event, can you? And because of this there isn&#39;t going to be a balanced discussion or constructive debate, so whats the point? This is why I said I&#39;ve stopped going to these events, what are going to tell me to help the situation? I&#39;m so jaded by these events - I always leave them thinking so now what. <_<

[MelanieRaven29]

There are a few non-black women in the club but they either came with a partner (often black) or the rush to approach them for a dance forces the men to push the black women out the way.

Only a few other women are approached for a dance, which doesn’t seem to impact on their ability to have fun. They’ve paid their money and they are going to get their money’s worth.

If you speak to them they will tell you that black men don’t want them and, those who do, treat them with no respect.

These women know how they would like to be treated by a man but would rather remain on their own rather than compromise their positions.

Do black women see black men as irresponsible, lazy and dishonest?[??/b] Do black men believe that black women are greedy, insensitive, aggressive, unadventurous and difficult???

Is this subconscious self-hatred? Is it leading us to erasing our ‘blackness’.


......The answers may not be immediately apparent but it is imperative for our community must be bold enough to explore these, and many other questions.

So many Black women have compromised their positions. We do not deserve less than the next, but we will (I know I have) settle for Mr. Right now who would later turn out to be lazy, disrespectful, no ambition, irresponsible, etc.
Yes. We would much rather do without Mr. Riffraff than to have to put up with nonsense. Not all Black men are like this. You don&#39;t choose who you love. You can&#39;t help who you&#39;re attracted to. But there has been some serious brainwashing.

Funny thing, other races will date outside their race, but most definitly marry someone of their own race (Jennifer Lopez). If Black men only did that!?!

Selfconscious self-hatred, maybe for some. Erasing out blackness? No. Filtering our blackness with all the race mixing? A little.

Just as we have been generationally conditoned into thinking our hair needs to be fixed, or that friggin&#39; light skin/dark skin thing I absolutely hate, it is no different for some men to believe it is easier or better to date someone outside their race, or for some women thinking that there are no good men left.

We shall overcome.

[honeyhoney]

The thing about this debate is - I know its a big issue. It really affects me and my friends. There&#39;s clearly a problem in some way, but...

I&#39;m so bored of this topic. I can&#39;t even bring myself to have the "there&#39;s no good black men/women" or "why I prefer asian/white/blah men/women". Its so dull!

People are just gonna do what they&#39;re gonna do.

And really I think this is all more of a symptom of disharmony in the black community than a cause of it. So lets deal with why we disrespect each other and ourselves...

[fever17]

Exactly - and its just going to full of black women anyways. I can&#39;t see black men wanting to go to this event, can you? And because of this there isn&#39;t going to be a balanced discussion or constructive debate, so whats the point? This is why I said I&#39;ve stopped going to these events, what are going to tell me to help the situation? I&#39;m so jaded by these events - I always leave them thinking so now what. <_<
[/b]

ITA iwas thinking that too. That are BM are goign to come with their white partners. Sorry, but WW always seem to present (in large numbers) at &#39;pro-black&#39; events. As for the race mixing situation in the Uk, lets say that i make a double look when i see a black couple together. yup, its THAT rare where i live. Even when my aunt is out with her husband and kids, people look at ther like she came form Mars :lol: