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  1. #1
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    I'm 41, single, and I have a cat. Therefore, I am destined to be an old lady spinster with a LOT of cats.

    I'm hearing this a little too often for comfort these days. No, it's not something that people are saying to me personally; most of my friends either have pets themselves (single or married) and/or are live-and-let-live kind of people. I'm pretty sure I have a couple of family members who are saying it behind my back, but then my having a cat is just one of many things they think is wrong with me. :rolleyes:

    I saw "Notes on a Scandal" yesterday. The movie itself was kind of weak, but Judi Dench was awesome as usual. Without giving too much of the movie away: Dench plays a predatory spinster teacher, probably lesbian, who also happens to have a cat. Now maybe the cat really does play as large a role in the novel (which I plan to read) as it does in the movie, but I was like...did she HAVE to have a cat?

    In the interest of time, I'm just going to bullet my problems with this stereotype:
    - Would it make a difference if a single woman had a dog?
    - Does a single woman have to get rid of her cat before she can get married...hell, before she can even get a man?
    - Does her having a cat mean she can't be in intimate relationships with humans? If so, then the first point comes into play again: would it make a difference if she were a single woman with a dog?
    - What if she just likes animals? Why does having a cat have to equate to having some character flaw?

    What are your experiences with / opinions on this?
    Hello, 2021. Glad to see you. Hope you're bringing us goodness and light this year!

  2. #2
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    In the interest of time, I'm just going to bullet my problems with this stereotype:
    - Would it make a difference if a single woman had a dog?
    - Does a single woman have to get rid of her cat before she can get married...hell, before she can even get a man?
    - Does her having a cat mean she can't be in intimate relationships with humans? If so, then the first point comes into play again: would it make a difference if she were a single woman with a dog?
    - What if she just likes animals? Why does having a cat have to equate to having some character flaw?

    What are your experiences with / opinions on this?
    [/b]
    WOW! I am still amazed at the threads on this board, GREAT TOPIC!

    I think that having a dog matters. Most of the men I've met (I'll put it like that instead of saying MOST MEN) don't like cats. If your man likes your cat, I don't think that you'll have to get rid of it. Plus, everything that was with you before he came along is in the package.

    For many single women, their animals are their family. He couldn't say, "I like you, but we've got to get rid of your mother." I remember one friend telling me that she cried harder when her dog died than when her mother died. Not because she didn't love her mother, but because she saw her dog EVERYDAY. Your cat is a part of your family...

    Lastly, I think having a cat is DIFFERENT from being 'the cat lady'. Didn't you have one in your neighborhood growing up? We did! She was weird and mean and hollered at the children and had scratches all over her...it was like the cats had overrun her household. I would have loved to have talked to her, but the cats (they were wild...is ferile the word?) kept anyone from going near the house.

    Having cats doesn't mean you can't have relationships with humans. But you have to admit that, unless you have an outgoing cat, cat owners are different from dog owners. Most of the cat owners that I've known are like their cats, somewhat introverted and solitary. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, that describes my personality and I am married. (And I married a very social extroverted guy!)

    Keep your cat, girl!
    [b]Psalm 127:3-5 (The Message Bible)[/b]
    Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
    The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
    Like a warrior's fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth.
    Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!
    Your enemies don't stand a chance against you; you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.

  3. #3
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    I guess it all depends on whether or not you fit the total profile. People have their own comfort zones and the right to validate their lives however they see fit. Having a cat does not mean that one has a character flaw. It could simply mean that you like animals. Assuming that someone has a character flaw because they have cats is prejudicial. However, there are some people who do have character flaws and fit the whole 'cat lady' profile.

    There's a lady that I work with who is single and has cats. She has a very reclusive lifestyle and very few social outlets. She doesn't go out much, is 35 years old and wears sweaters with teddy bears on them. She has a boring haircut and never does anything new with it. For jewelry and accessories, she wears big broaches, Barbara Bush pearls, and out of style glasses. The lighting in her office is dim and the furniture is set up to close her off from the public. There are pictures and posters of cats all over her office with captions like "I'm so stressed" and "Kiss me I'm cute". Sorry, but it's kind of nauseating. It gives off an aura that nobody loves her but her cats, nobody understands her but her cats, and her cats are her only friends. And in her case, I don't think that I'm too far off base with that assumption.

    And it&#39;s not just single women. I also see married women who do the same thing.. get cats and get settle into a mundane lifestyle. The double standard is that it seems to be ok for married women to do it because they have a man and &#39;supposedly&#39; are not substituting the cat for their emotional needs not being met. <_< We all know that most of the time that&#39;s one of the reasons that some married women get cats in the first place, because their man is not meeting their emotional needs, they don&#39;t have any outlets, and need the cat as a &#39;friend&#39;. Yet they don&#39;t carry the stigma that single women do.

    It&#39;s ok to have pets as companions, but there are people who just go too far with it.

    Single women have the right to do whatever they want to do with their lives when it comes to pets. There&#39;s nothing wrong with having a cat. I do however think that when you have a balanced life of social activities, outlets, hobbies, interests, cool clothes, and the cat doesn&#39;t certify the whole image, it&#39;s more digestible.

    I agree with giovannanicole.. keep your cat and enjoy it.

    All in all, it&#39;s a personal choice and we all have the right to our choices and preferences.
    Quit tripping on what you're wearing on your behind and get some education in your head.

  4. #4
    Laluna is offline Active Nappturality Member
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    I&#39;m 41, single, and I have a cat. Therefore, I am destined to be an old lady spinster with a LOT of cats.

    [/b]
    don&#39;t feel bad. i&#39;m married with two cats and apparently the more probable reason for this is that my husband isn&#39;t meeting my emotional needs. :unsure:

    the cynicism goes both ways.

    i say don&#39;t sweat it. if married folk are riding you for your pet ownership, the issue is theirs. they&#39;re likely unhappy with their lives and want to believe that you are in the same boat. people believe what gets them through their days. :dunno:


  5. #5
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    In the interest of time, I&#39;m just going to bullet my problems with this stereotype:
    - Would it make a difference if a single woman had a dog?
    - Does a single woman have to get rid of her cat before she can get married...hell, before she can even get a man?
    - Does her having a cat mean she can&#39;t be in intimate relationships with humans? If so, then the first point comes into play again: would it make a difference if she were a single woman with a dog?
    - What if she just likes animals? Why does having a cat have to equate to having some character flaw?

    What are your experiences with / opinions on this?
    [/b]
    I only had one cat growing up, and she died before I turned 6. So I was never single with a cat.

    When I met DH, I admit I was a little curious because he had a cat. I confess that I had a stereotype in my head about gay men and cats. Stupid, I know, but I had never met a single straight man with a cat before. I really hadn&#39;t thought about it until I met him.

    Now I have my own cat as well. I think a lot of non-cat owners just think cats are too aloof for most people, and if you like cats, well, you must have something in common with them.

    I&#39;m curious. When people find out you have cats are they surprised? "Oh, I didn&#39;t think you&#39;d have cats." Do they say, "You have cats? Well, that makes sense."

    I would ask these people point blank what does having a cat mean to them. Throw it back at them. Make them uncomfortable by forcing them to listen to the ignorant words coming out of their mouths.

    Family members are going to be family. You could ignore it, get passive aggressive with it or be direct. Family usually doesn&#39;t change until they decide to change. I&#39;d bring it to their attention that I don&#39;t appreciate their comments and then ignore it from there on out.
    Last R.elaxer: Dec. 2003 Big Chop: March 4, 2005

    "I know I&#39;m not ordinary... Alright! I&#39;m EXTRAORDINARY! What of it?" -Laurence of Arabia

    When you discover what happens when your thoughts, feelings, and actions align, you have discovered the secret.

    If I could have convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could have freed thousands more. --Harriet Tubman

  6. #6
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    I am 28yrs old, single and have a cat...my baby Lilac..I have had her over a year and she is truly my companion. That&#39;s the entire reason I picked a cat instead of a dog, even though I like dogs they are WAY to needy and I wanted an animal that wasnt too dependent . So am I the single cat lady? I never thought of myself like that, but I am in a long distance relationship and he has let it be known that he HATES cats and wouldn&#39;t want to live with my LILAC of course this hurts she is who greets me at the door everyday and cuddles with me after a long day of work the thought of giving her up has me tearing up right now. I never would of described myself as a crazed cat lover but I really can see how people would consider their animals as family... I say keep you cat!

  7. #7
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    i hate 2 cats, 35 and single so i&#39;m well on my way to spinsterhood. cool!

    actually the guys ive known are split on cats vs dogs. some have had dogs, some have had cats, some no pets.

    dont give upo your cat.

    as for the literary and film stereotype i think thayt the cat symbolizes the single woman&#39;s indepence. in many books and films (see most kate hepburn films or read most jane austen books), spinsters are eccentric, uncompromising, highly opinionated and overly confident to the point of selfish. sounds like a cat to me! the spinster (like the cat) you have to actually work to get their respect and love they wont just give it to you just cus you have to prove yourself worthy to be in their presence.

    i think haughty is the word.

    actually i dont mind the stereotype because i&#39;m haughty and it&#39;s easier if people expect that up front than having to deal with their surprise when i say or do something snotty :lol:

  8. #8
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    &#39;&#39;spinsters are eccentric, uncompromising, highly opinionated and overly confident to the point of selfish. sounds like a cat to me! the spinster (like the cat) you have to actually work to get their respect and love they wont just give it to you just cus you have to prove yourself worthy to be in their presence.

    i think haughty is the word.

    actually i dont mind the stereotype because i&#39;m haughty and it&#39;s easier if people expect that up front than having to deal with their surprise when i say or do something snotty!&#39;&#39;



    I&#39;m 32, have 2 cats, and have always been considered the &#39;eccentric&#39; one in the family. I don&#39;t always mince words, and I stopped apologizing for being me a looooong time ago!
    Sometimes, I&#39;m not okay with it, because it feels like another reason for other people to categorize me instead of making the effort to understand me. Then I remember those same folks were categorizing me before I had any cats...

    If they&#39;re not paying my bills or fulfilling an emotional need for me, then their opinion is moot.
    [b][color=#6600CC][i]People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they&#39;re not on your road doesn&#39;t mean they&#39;ve gotten lost. ~The Dalai Lama[/i][/color][/b]

  9. #9
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    Thanks, y&#39;all.

    My questions were rhetorical (for the most part). I have no intention of giving up this cat. We&#39;s a family. I&#39;ve had him since he was 1.5 years old, and he&#39;s coming up on 12 now. My home will always be his home. (Even though he won&#39;t pay a lick of rent...sheds all over the damn place and won&#39;t vacuum...and has the nerve to yell at me if I don&#39;t feed him on time. :lol: ) Any man who comes along will have to accept that. We&#39;re a package deal.

    Giovanna, at my core I&#39;m introverted and solitary, but I do get out quite a bit, and I do have an outgoing cat. If anyone comes over, rather than hide under the bed, he puts himself right in the middle of the conversation.

    And you&#39;re right...having a cat is different from being the cat lady. I don&#39;t remember any cat ladies on my street growing up (just about everybody had dogs; in fact we were one of the first on our street to get a cat) but I used to live across the hall from a woman who had 38 cats in her one-bedroom apartment. They had to gut the place TWICE to get rid of the smell.

    I used to tease my friends that I&#39;d be the old cat lady someday but...um...I&#39;ve changed my mind. :unsure: Not that I don&#39;t love cats but I&#39;ve never had more than two at a time and that was plenty.

    Peaches, the woman you&#39;ve described...I&#39;ve known some of them too. I used to say that if I ever got to that point, put me away because I will have gone round the bend. :lol: Now I&#39;m like...whatever gets people through, so long as it&#39;s not illegal or dangerous, is fine with me. If you need little cat figurines all over your cubicle to make you feel good, then go &#39;head on with your cat-loving self.

    Emerald, for the most part I think people are surprised I have a cat. I don&#39;t know what that means, though, which goes back to the stereotype I described. I should ask next time: Well, what exactly were you expecting?

    Galaxy, I like your insight on the symbolism of cats as it relates to single women. It makes sense.

    Blondnaps, good luck...personally, if he didn&#39;t like my cat, I&#39;d say, well, you&#39;re going to have to learn to like my cat, because he&#39;s not going anywhere.

    Wanderlust, jpw, you&#39;re both right: Folks are going to categorize / analyze you regardless, so you might as well live your life. That&#39;s what I&#39;m doing. My irritation at being categorized stems from a general irritation at living in a society where people are incapable of seeing life in shades of gray.
    Hello, 2021. Glad to see you. Hope you're bringing us goodness and light this year!

  10. #10
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    :lol: @ this thread! Uh, I&#39;ll admit to refraining from owning a cat because of the stereotype :blush: . Especially after I turned 30! I just don&#39;t want to hear it or get into heated debates or start ignoring people over it. More importantly, I like cats but they don&#39;t like hiking, so I&#39;m trying to find the perfect pooch companion for my next pet.

    @ Galaxy, I love your interpretation. Maybe there is another cat in my future. We can then be "haughty" together.

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