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  1. #11
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    Red face

    I was a "SAHM" for 5 years and during that time we lived very modestly...not that we were living like the "rich and famous" before, (on two incomes) but we learned to live simply....so that I could stay home. I still consider myself a "SAHM"...even though I work primarily from home.

    May I suggest reading The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Mothers and Fathers Are Going Broke? You may find this reading more helpful than any advice I could give...because what worked for me, may not necessarily be conducive to your lifestyle.

    TnK



    Quotes from our sister Audre Lorde:

    "We have to consciously study how to be tender with each other until it becomes a habit because what was native has been stolen from us, the love of Black women for each other."

    "How often have I demanded from another Black woman what I had not dared to give myself -- acceptance, faith, enough space to consider change."

  2. #12
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    Good for you for planning in advance. I would decrease expenses as MUCH as possible and especially work on reducing debt.

    I have been SAH for seven years now and it's not always easy. . especially on a teacher's salary but we have done all right, with a lot of frugality. The "payoffs" though are amazing, it is wonderful to able to spend so much time with your children during their early years.

    If you can, keep a foot in the door career-wise so that the transition back to work when you are ready will be smoother. Keep up your contacts. Most of my friends who went back to their old careers did that and had no problem going back to full-time work. Others from my old gang of mom friends either went back to school (myself included) or started entirely new careers. One opened a yoga center and is now doing quite well financially. She got her yoga teaching license when her youngest turned five but couldn't find a job because the field is very competitive plus she was in her mid-40s (but looked much older) and that was a disadvantage, so she started her own yoga/dance studio. Now she is in-demand as an instructor, gives workshops all over the country and in Costa Rica, the Caribbean etc.

    Also: The book "Miserly Moms," which is a handbook on being SAHM, has a section on preparation.

  3. #13
    Twinkie is offline Active Nappturality Member
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    Ladies Thank you so much for the great advice. Loc'dnfaith, I am going to check out that book you recommended. I talked about with my husband again. He really wants us to be able to do this in a few years but I think talking about it upsets him because he feels like we may not be able to because he won't be making enough money. Meanwhile I am going to continue to prepare for grad school and working on my career just in case the SAHM thing doesnt work out.
    [/b]
    How long do you plan on being a SAHM? I've been a SAHM for about 8 months now and am looking to start working again a few months from now. I think if you plan and save money for you to stay home for a year, that will probably relieve some of the strain the two of you are feeling about how this would work. You could always stay home longer if it's working out very well. It's definitely rewarding!

  4. #14
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    If you really aren't "making much" money then the reality is that once you have a child it won't economically pay for you to go to work.

    Childcare
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  5. #15
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    We did not plan, but our home was purchased on one income, therefore DH was able to support us. Of course, the first year or so was kind of lean but as DH income rose, we became more comfortable. I have three little ones and with things going on today, I can&#39;t imagine not being able to be around when they came home from school or putting them into after care programs. So we bit the bullet.

    This means that we aren&#39;t going to Disney World anytime soon and we don&#39;t drive brand new cars. But, I just imagine how much we are NOT paying in daycare costs and the anxiety I am saved from worrying.

    I&#39;m glad that you are considering staying home!
    [url="http://naturalblackmom.com/"]Black Moms....living naturally![/url]
    Follow me on twitter: [url="http://twitter.com/neosoulsister"]http://twitter.com/neosoulsister[/url]

  6. #16
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    Exclamation

    There are a lot of good WAH jobs available if u r interested you can pm me. I dont frequent here, so it may take a while for a response. I am a work at home mom. 3 kids with 3 work at home jobs.
    [color=#CC33CC][u][i][SIZE=2][b]Napptureality[/b][/color][/i][/u]</span>
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  7. #17
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    Hi. Let me say that I am so glad that you are thinking ahead and confident in wanting to be a SAHM. You won&#39;t regret your decision. Children are only babies and children once and it&#39;s so temporary. It&#39;s important that we be there for them through this fragile stage--Anyway. I have been a stay at home Mom for 4 going on 5 years. When I quit, 50% of our income went out the door so it was hard. We didn&#39;t make very much money either when we made the decision--But God!

    However, the best advice that I can give to you is to pay EVERYTHING off and stack back some savings. You may not be able to get to those student loans but believe me you will be so glad that you paid everything else off. Get Dave Ramsey&#39;s material. I think it&#39;s called Money Makeover or something like that. In it he explains a simple process to get everything paid off in less than 5 years (for most people) including your house--yes you can pay off your house in 5 years if you can discipline yourself and stick to the plan. Think how much less stressful it will be for you and your husband. People will be in awe when they see you staying home taking care of your babies and still able to afford to take nice vacations, and a nice house along with other things. I think you can find the book or c.d.&#39;s at your local library. I prefer the c.d.&#39;s. My husband would listen to them in the car on the way to work. I pray that God will Bless you and your husband to be prosperous and fruitful!
    Last chemical fire cream 2/2007 nappy super coily w/lots of shrinkage!
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  8. #18
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    I posted this on a email list that I was on a couple of years ago (my son is 9 now, I&#39;ve been at home 5 years). It is pretty long, but I would like to share it. I also understand that not everyone&#39;s spiritual preferences are the same, so bear w/me...

    My Testimony on coming home...

    For the first four years of my son&#39;s life we did the whole two income thing with my portion being the majority of the $. I was working two jobs and a full time college student at the time, and I was absolutely miserable. I would drop ds off at day care at 5:30 am, go to school, then go to my first job, then second job, and then pick him up at my mom&#39;s at 11pm (she picked him up from daycare because dh had to work). This went on for longer than I care to remember, I was sickened at the fact that I couldn&#39;t get anything done at home, had no time for my duties as a wife or mother. As we began to get closer to the Lord, we both began to really desire for me to stay at home. I was resigned to the fact that it couldn&#39;t be done because we really needed my half of the income. I quit one of the jobs, and cut back a few classes at school, but then I ended up working even more hours at my one job that was left, it didn&#39;t help much. We began to pray very deeply about this concern, because I truly felt like the Lord was putting it on my heart to stay at home. I always felt worthless as a wife and a mother, because I couldn&#39;t be there for them when they needed me, and the house never looked presentable. One day after I&#39;d been promising my son for weeks that I&#39;d take him to see a movie that he&#39;d wanted to see, and then bailing out on him because my boss would always ask me to stay late, it hit me. I was dropping him off at day care and I said, "I&#39;ll be picking you up today and we&#39;ll go see that movie, I promise" he said "Whatever, you ALWAYS promise, I&#39;ll see you tonight at Mamaw&#39;s..." My heart fell through the floor (mind you he was only 4 at this time and this is the impact my working was having on him). I cried the whole way to work, and I knew then what the Lord wanted me to do. I walked in to work that day (after calling my husband, who supported me eagerly and wholeheartedly) put in my 2 weeks, said NO when my boss asked me to stay late again, and took my boy to the movies. I have never broken a promise to him since.

    Now, I must say that I was absolutely terrified at how we would make it on one income, but because I&#39;d prayed on this matter for a while and I knew what He wanted me to do, I just took a giant leap of faith knowing that He would provide for me being obedient to Him. And let me tell you He did provide! Within weeks dh got a promotion at his job that increased his pay to more than that of mine and his combined before. I knew then that I had made the right choice. I have never regretted it.

    Now I am not saying quit your job, and the Lord will give you give you double. But I am saying that you should pray that if it His will that He settle your heart (and dh&#39;s) on the matter and give you the courage and strength to do whatever it is that He will ask of you, whether it be staying home or continuing to work. And know that if He wants you home, He will provide for you. This is not to say as well that you may not need to make sacrifices. Because after dh got his promotion, he soon realized that money was not the issue at all, we were just a much happier and contented bunch with me being home, and now (5 years later), he has quit that job for one that pays only a third of what he was making before (which actually puts us back to his original income without mine. Funny how He works, He gave us what we thought we needed just to prove to us that we would have been fine without it anyway). We have made many sacrifices, those things that we had when he had alot of money didn&#39;t give us much pleasure anyway, and we began to desire a simpler way of life, whatever the cost. There are times that we get low on things or have had to go without (like a car 3 years ago, but the Lord once again, provided us with TWO cars, free of charge, the very next year), but the Lord equips those that He has called. And I have learned so many ways of being frugal (which dh loves, and actually brags on) now, and I&#39;m learning so much more each day.

    I know that this was really long, and I don&#39;t even know if it made much sense. I am not telling you to run out and quit your job. I&#39;m just saying that if its something that you really want and feel called to do in your heart, and dh feels the same, then the two of you take it to the Lord in prayer, and if it is in His will, He&#39;ll make a way out of no way. I&#39;ve seen it personally, I NEVER thought I&#39;d be a SAHM, NEVER even crossed my mind until 5 1/2 years ago when the Lord really began to impress it upon my heart. My mom worked, her mom worked, I just though it had to be like that, little did I know of his plan for me....

    (Not to mention, my mom now has little ones not much older than mine, and she&#39;s a SAHM now, say&#39;s Prov. 31 has inspired her and she loves it, and smacks herself for not doing it sooner, we now love discussing new frugalties with one another).

    All of you ladies who wish to be home, yet cannot, I will continue praying for you. I know how much of a challenge it can be being a working mom. And please understand that I am in no way trying to knock those of you that must work, this is just my own experience.

    God Bless, and sorry so long...

    In Christ,

    I also want to agree w/vibranthing, you only have 18-20 years to shape and mold your children into the young man/woman that they will become, you have the rest of your life to work...
    www.public.fotki.com/mrssmif (copy & paste)
    *updated Spring 2010*

  9. #19
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    I will try to make this quick.... :rolleyes: I too am a SAHM going on eight months now. Prior to that my husband and I discussed me staying home periodically due to a bunch of hooplah going on at my job that caused major stress and to top if off we had just had a baby.. we never wanted the baby in daycare but never said I would surely stay home... so he cont. to work at night and me by day. To make a long story short.. Over time I just prayed.. asking God if this was what he wanted for me and my family.. mind you we have two older children 9 & 5 at the time. Which the five year old was only in preschool at the time for 1/2 day.. so my husband had her and the baby while I worked. Deep down I wanted to stay home.. but financially was worried that we may not be able to handle it all. Husband got a job offer... more $.. which required him to also work at day now... hmm where was the baby going? Daycare.. after searching for the BEST daycare center.. In my opinion and experiences.. I don&#39;t think one exists. At about 10 months of age the baby cont. to get very very sick for days sometimes weeks at time in daycare.. I spent more time at the Dr&#39;s and home with him than work.. my job was not too understanding and family oriented as they appeared to be..no slack there.. found another cented for baby.. same issues again. Ya know I said this is it.. I am not going to battle over my children with my job or anyjob for that matter...let someone else raise them...missed those memorable moments kids have etc. My husband I worked out a budjet.. glad that we had savings avail, in which it took the place of my income for the moment.. while we use his income alone as a trial to see if we can manage it.. not just get by.. but manage it and still live comfortably. Just try it out to see if you can live off one income...and go from there. SORRY SO LONG

    We did no expect it to happen in the way that it did. All I can say is that God has been good to us.

    " I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future... Jer.29:11
    [color=#FF99FF]~ Divanette~[/color]






    " Learn to Embrace yourself for who you really are and able to become! "

  10. #20
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    Husband knew he wanted me to be a sahm from the moment we found out we were pregnant with our first. I was like, " Oh heck, naw! Ima strong, independent, black woman! I can&#39;t be stuck up in the house with no kids all dang day long!" Then I had my daughter. I rushed back to school, then my husband sneezed on me and I was pregnant again the same year she was born. In short, I stayed home for four and a half years- on a budget and still gave ten percent of what we earned back to God (tithes). Now our kids are in private school, I&#39;m driving a brand new 2007 vehicle that my husband purchased for me, we&#39;ve got this beautiful home and I think to myself~look what God has done. I positioned myself to be an at home mom by literally putting my future in God&#39;s hands and believing that whatever I had to put aside would be picked up later- and that my joy would be full. Get this, now that the kids are up and out of the house, we have decided to have one more child! And yes, I am back at home (needless to say, the home business we started several years back while I was at home with the first two is flourishing.)


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