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Thread: Hidden Naturals

  1. #61
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    The OP said something to the effect of "IMO, if you aren't showing your [natural] hair, then you aren't natural".[/b]
    Oh to be misquoted.
    I said why is she natural if she is constantly hiding it. With my friend it has a little less to do with "hmm what style can I wear today" and a little more to do with "damn...how can I hide this thing".

    I agree totally. Me & my friend went natural @ the same time, but she gets her hair straightened weekly. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of what it means to have natural hair? I asked her about it and she said she just doesn't know what to do with her hair in its natural state and the best thing for her to do is flat flaming hot tool of hair torture her hair so its more "managable". When I tried to give her some websites to go on so she can do some research (including Nappturality) she just blew me off. Oh well maybe one day she'll see the beauty in her napps.
    [/b]
    Do we have the same friend. lol :lol:
    [i]"Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend."[/i] - Bruce Lee

  2. #62
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    Oh to be misquoted.
    I said why is she natural if she is constantly hiding it. With my friend it has a little less to do with "hmm what style can I wear today" and a little more to do with "damn...how can I hide this thing".
    Do we have the same friend. lol :lol:
    [/b]

    You know...we just might!!! In that case me & you need to get together and give her a nappvention!!! Or maybe a 12 step program for nappies in denial!
    [b][SIZE=2][i]"All great achievements require time."-Dr. Maya Angelou[/i]

    MY NATURAL JOURNEY IN [url="http://www.youtube.com/user/kemoja"]VIDEO[/url] AND [url="http://public.fotki.com/sexyblu82/"]PICTURES[/url][/SIZE][/b]

  3. #63
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    I have a co-worker like that. I have never seen her hair, but she constantly says she is natural. Maybe she is going through her own thing. Maybe there is damage to her hair. All you can do is be her friend and pray for her.

  4. #64
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    There are many reasons why a natural head will cover up all the time. These include insecurities, being style challenged and being pressed for time. I have a friend who's been natural for about 14 yrs. I've known her for 8 and I've never seen her hair even though she was the one who first warned me about relaxers and encouraged me to go natural. I did wonder why this was and whether she perhaps had some damage that needs covering. But I also realize she's busy busy busy, holding down a full time job, commuting each day, running a household, going to parents meetings, ferrying children to activities and the list goes on. It does not suprise me that she prefers extension braids, twists and weaves. She works in an environment where a wrap or hat isn't going to go down very well. I've had my own struggles with going natural. Sometimes resorting to a headwrap or hat and I don't even work outside my home! So I can't judge anyone. They have to do what's best for them. To the OP, if you just be there for your friend and continue to wear your hair with confidence, the light might just dawn for her, bc she's watching you y'know.
    God is faithful

  5. #65
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    sorry...i don't think it is annoying or offensive at all. going natural is a big step for some people and i have accepted that many women are tired of the chemicals but not necessarily of straight hair. and to me that's ok. don't get so caught up in the little stuff - just praise that she went natural at all.

    i think the more nit-picky we as naturals are the more people will just be turned off by us as a group and subsequently the hairstyle...
    [/b]
    I completely agree.

    OP, your friend is newly natural right? Maybe she's just style challenged and feels completely flabergasted about what to do with her natural hair. People go natural for sooo many different reasons. I think that at this stage of her natural journey, the fact that she gave up relaxers alone is something to be praised.

    Like others have noted, going natural is a big step; a milestone even. I've been natural all my life, but the moment I decided to embrace my natural hair at the age of 15...that was one of the most difficult things I've ever achieved in my entire life. It was difficult for me because the 'beautiful' images I saw on tv we're the complete opposite of what I saw in the mirror. It was a journey for me to learn to accept and love my natural hair, and most likely, it'll be a journey for your friend as well.

    I read somewhere that we see about 3000 advertisements a day *i promise you, this is of relevance to the point i'm trying to make *

    (I can only imagine how many of those 3000 advertisements relate to beauty, and how many of those beauty advertisements celebrate black beauty--let alone natural beauty). I think something to keep in mind is that we're constantly barraged with images that tell "this is beauty". Sadly, natural beauty rarely fits into those categories.

    It could be possible that your friend really does desire to embrace her hair. Maybe she's covering her hair because she's experiencing some fear and apprehension--that doesn't make her any more or less natural than you or me (IMHO).

    I suggest you talk your friend about this in a kind warm manner so she won't feel judged (not implying that you're judgmental ). Maybe you can suggest some natural hairstyle she can try out. There's also some youtube videos out there that display the beauty of natural hair. Show her those . They're very inspiring.


    Hope my response offered some insight



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  6. #66
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    I agree totally. Me & my friend went natural @ the same time, but she gets her hair straightened weekly. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of what it means to have natural hair? I asked her about it and she said she just doesn't know what to do with her hair in its natural state and the best thing for her to do is flat flaming hot tool of hair torture her hair so its more "managable". When I tried to give her some websites to go on so she can do some research (including Nappturality) she just blew me off. Oh well maybe one day she'll see the beauty in her napps.
    [/b]

    Bumpity bump...

    So a few days ago I was talking to this same friend and she said that she is really getting frustrated with her natural hair. When she went to get a trim the hairdresser asked her why was she straightning her natural hair because its not healthy at all and she's doing more harm than good. She said she had to get 2-3 inches trimmed of due to heat damage. She started asking me some of the things I do for my hair and my hair routine. I told her somethings to do and some tips she could use. She's coming around ya'll! I told her to go on this website and start reading and ask questions, and I gave her some books to read. We live a few hours away from each other so I plan on making a girlfriend weekend out of it and helping her start her own natural hair routine. I'm so proud of her!!!

    Going natural is not only means a haircut, but a mental process and I'm glad that she's decided to complete the journey.
    [b][SIZE=2][i]"All great achievements require time."-Dr. Maya Angelou[/i]

    MY NATURAL JOURNEY IN [url="http://www.youtube.com/user/kemoja"]VIDEO[/url] AND [url="http://public.fotki.com/sexyblu82/"]PICTURES[/url][/SIZE][/b]

  7. #67
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    Most people like her just want to be chemical free. She probably isn't satisfied with her length yet....I'm not completely but I'm patient and I'm not afraid to say I'll switch it up every now and then with braids or a weave because why we all have our own heads of hair so we can do whatever we want to do to it....natural or not.
    http://public.fotki.com/jweezy/
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  8. #68
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    Okay Okay. I have to say that I was once like the friend the OP describes. No I wasn't talkin' out of both sides of my mouth, but I did think that I was better than permies because I had ditched the chemicals over ten years ago. In between time I was burning my hair on a bi-weekly basis. When I decided to leave the CFC alone it was because I was informed of the damage that chemicals do to your hair at a young age (16). I still didn't have the courage or the mindset to leave the heat alone until August of this year. Really it's a mindset and a transformation about how one looks at herself. Even though it took me over ten years I feel like this was the right time for me. I truly believe that when the time is right she too will come to a place in her life when she'll be enlightened. Like I said, it took me ten years to finally realize that I didn't have to have straight hair to be beautiful. If she is really your friend then be patient with her. She doesn't see what you see. Just lead by example.
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  9. #69
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    I think we all understand that the decision to go natural has to come from the inside out. Going against the grain just won't do. Maybe you should "accidently" email her a link to the board from some enlightenment.
    public.fotki.com/firstladytj/

  10. #70
    JadedPrincess Guest

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    Maybe she just doesn't know how to care for it.

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