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  1. #11
    Join Date
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    Parents love em or hate em but we can't kill em sigh. Even tho parents want the best for us since they are human it does not make their choices infallible and we need to remember that. Do what is best for you, being a parent of an adult does not mean having power over their life choices forever. They can have an opinion but that is all it is. Perhaps you need to let her know that topic is not negotiable since it causes hurt feelings. Please remember you are under no obligaton to live your life for people whether they be friend, relative or foe and not matter how well meaning they seem - why do some ofus insist on giving up our power? If we really want others to control our lives then start with me feel free to donate all your wordly good to my bank account.....
    http://public.fotki.com/Lockyladyden

    Join date March 2004
    Locks installed 12/2005.
    Go PANK you know you want to...

  2. #12
    Coco_P is offline Active Nappturality Member
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    Hi. I had the same issue with my mother when I first decided that I was going to go natural. All I would hear from her is "You really need to do something with your hair," and " You need to get a re.laxer." It wasn't just from her. People who I barely even knew would ask me why I don't do something with my hair. It was very depressing at times. Especially when it came from my mother. I understand that feeling of just wanting acceptance and approval from her. You only get one mother and I want her to be proud of me. But now I realize that I have to live for myself. My mother is not going to approve of everything that I do. I have to be comfortable with myself since I'm the one walking around in my skin. Everyone else will just have to learn to accept.

  3. #13
    ckisland is offline Active Nappturality Member
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    Dec 2010
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    I have this same issue with my mom *sigh*. After not seeing me for 2 months (I'm about 1400 miles away at college), she had me bawling after 2 days of being at home. She kept saying how nappy my hair was, how it was so long and pretty before, and used that same "you used to be so pretty" comment. She even talked about me to my uncles, who support me, but agree that I looked so much better as a permie. "You could at least color it or get some braids." We went through this argument twice (I was only home for a week) and she ignored my reasons for going natural and even suggested me getting a weak chemical fire cream, so it would look at least decent. I told her no to every suggestion she made. It was my hair and I loved it just the way it was. And in the end I told her don't talk about my hair, don't comment on it unless you have something nice to say. And guess what happened. . . The last time she commented on my hair was to say that it looked cute that day :P

    Like other posters had said, you have to love how you are, and sometimes you have to assert yourself and tell your mom that what she says is unacceptable. It doesn't mean that she'll love your napps ('cause mine doesn't), but at least you'll get some kind of peace out of the situation.
    Transition: 10 weeks
    BC'd : November 14, 2007
    Type: coils, spirals, napps Texture: medium, wiry, coarse Density: normal
    Current length: nape- NL unstretched (sometimes lol). almost BSL stretched
    Goal: APL twist/braidout/ Waist+ stretched
    I promise I'll get a camera. . . someday

    My mantra for life:
    Do what makes you happy. Love what makes you happy. And follow your gut.

    http://public.fotki.com/ckisland

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    I'm sorry OP! What your mom is doing to you is called emotional manipulation and she is wrong for that! She is trying to make you feel bad or guilty for your decision. She figures if she can beat you down emotionally about it, you will go with what she wants you to do. Don't do it :icon_headshake: ! It's a set up. If you like your hair natural and want to keep it that way, then do so! You have to be confident and stay strong in the face of adversity. Even if it is coming from your mother. The more confident you become and the less attention you pay to her childish game(cause that's what emotional manipulation is to me) she will eventually bow down and accept you as you are. I would confront my mom and tell her how what she is doing makes me feel and how I feel about what she is doing(if that makes sense). I hope you can get through this with your mom and I hope she will come around and support your decision.

    But I think your cute and that baby is way to adorable!
    "Love is patient and kind, Love is not jealous, conceited, proud or boastful, it is not arrogant, selfish, irritable or rude. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth, Love never gives up , and its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal." - 1 Corinthians 13 :))

    MoNappy28-Holla! http://s238.photobucket.com/albums/ff194/soulstar79/

  5. #15
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    Im am sorry you have to endure all that nonsense. Accepting yourself for who you are is hard enough in this society. But as black women we face another battle that concerns our hair in its napptural state. You just have to understand that there is nothing wrong with you wearing your hair natural and there is EVERYTHING wrong with the way your family is treating you. I know at times when I first BCed my mom was in utter disbelief. She always looked at me like I had broken her heart. She kept bringing it up making it a big deal to all of my family members. But as time goes by shes getting used to it. When we talk about transitioning we only really focus on ourselves and whats going on on our heads. We don't consider the mental transitioning that we as well as our loved ones would have to deal with. Just stay strong and determined on your journey. Try and inform them about natural hair. Enlighten them about what it means to you and since they love you they will try their best to understand. :hug:
    http://public.fotki.com/iloveblu/ UPDATED 4.10.09
    ***ThiS AbovE AlL ElsE, To ThinE OwnselF Be TruE***

    Last cfc:Dec. 25, 2007
    BC: April 10, 2008
    http://hosted.pikistrips.com/comic_s...53/comic-p.jpg
    www.psycyourmind.blogspot.com

  6. #16
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    My advice...take this letter and give it to her to read. Let her read your words and FEEL your hurt. I think your mother knows what she is doing and is hoping that she can force u into returning to the re.laxer by using negative energy. I don't however, think she knows just how PAINFUL the things she is saying and doing are to you. My god I would hope that no mother would want to make thier daughter feel the pain that I felt when I read your letter. Give it to her so that she can see how much she is hurting you. Until she realizes that she is doing real damage will she stop.

  7. #17
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    I am sorry to hear this. What goingallnatural says makes a lot of sense. Also try to find comfort in the fact that in the end once your hair has grown they will LOVE your hair. Most women experience that even with locs.



  8. #18
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    Sorry I disappeared girls, I got side tracked by the little one.
    Thanks so much for all your love. I went to the natural hair show and learnt a few things. Found a style that I feel is me and I'm working with it.

    You all made me feel warm and squishy inside. lol
    I've just been brushing off the comments and she seems to have backed off a bit.
    Love you guys.
    [i]"Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend."[/i] - Bruce Lee

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