Back to work: lukewarm to rude co-worker

**Vavoon** · 09-18-2013, 01:19 AM

eta: nvm wrong thread!

1010wins

**Kurliez** · 09-18-2013, 01:29 AM

To be fair, I don't think gender should matter. Honestly, the biggest gossip of my former job was an older ghetto behind man in his sixties. He and a handful of other triffling folks make work so dayum unpleasant. Men in general, from my experiences, gossip mostly around other men. I believe anyone and everyone is capable of just being unpleasant for no reason.

**assia** · 09-18-2013, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by Kurliez

To be fair, I don't think gender should matter. Honestly, the biggest gossip of my former job was an older ghetto behind man in his sixties. He and a handful of other triffling folks make work so dayum unpleasant. Men in general, from my experiences, gossip mostly around other men. I believe anyone and everyone is capable of just being unpleasant for no reason.

Co-sign. Men are not less petty than women. They just go about it in a different way.

**Vavoon** · 09-18-2013, 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by assia

Co-sign. Men are not less petty than women. They just go about it in a different way.

my experiences have been quite the opposite - but its interesting seeing other people's experiences.

**Karibana** · 09-18-2013, 01:13 PM

It's a good thing I'm an introvert who can be antisocial so I don't get offended with others are cool/cold towards. I just KIM. Funny thing is that I have been warned that one of my future subordinates is quiet and doesn't speak much, my reply was: so what's the problem? After interacting with her a couple of times I quickly realized she's simply an introvert as well who doesn't speak unless she has something to say. If we all sit around chatting, she will join in the conversation.

Originally Posted by Kurliez

To be fair, I don't think gender should matter. Honestly, the biggest gossip of my former job was an older ghetto behind man in his sixties. He and a handful of other triffling folks make work so dayum unpleasant. Men in general, from my experiences, gossip mostly around other men. I believe anyone and everyone is capable of just being unpleasant for no reason.

This is true, it was one of the first thing I learned being in the military.

**Scribetastic** · 09-18-2013, 05:47 PM

To the side discussion that popped up. There is no doubt that men can do similar stuff, but I'd be on the alert too if it were a guy acting weird. I do think a guy would probably act weird in a different way. However, right now, it's not the guys. The guys who work here say "hi" and "bye" to me, which she's now started doing (so I've not ruled out that maybe she's just shy; I just think it's unlikely). The guys and I have conversations which I sometimes start or they sometimes start. The odd duck here is the young woman and, since we're on the same team, that makes me a bit uneasy.

Originally Posted by Karibana

It's a good thing I'm an introvert who can be antisocial so I don't get offended with others are cool/cold towards. I just KIM. Funny thing is that I have been warned that one of my future subordinates is quiet and doesn't speak much, my reply was: so what's the problem? After interacting with her a couple of times I quickly realized she's simply an introvert as well who doesn't speak unless she has something to say. If we all sit around chatting, she will join in the conversation.

I'm an extrovert who can be antisocial, so I understand that not everyone is wired to be the sort of person that can wander into a party or meet a new co-worker and just be at ease.

I'm not offended in the sense that my feelings are hurt. It's more that I'm now watching her because, from what I can see, she's not that way with others. Her inconsistency caught my attention.

Where I work is literally in a big and open loft sort of building. There is a wide open space on the main floor where most people work which is called "the pit". The developers are on that floor, but separated by a wall section that's open if you want to go in and talk to them, want access to a staircase that leads to a few more offices, or if you want to get up to the roof. Marketing, my department, is opposite of the developers and above the pit in an open balcony/loft set up which makes it perfect for chit-chatting over the balcony to the people on the lower floor who are in production, HR, support, etc.. It's a classic open office setup in all departments.

She talks over that balcony on a daily basis the people down there, who are usually a chatty bunch in the morning, so it's easy to jump into a conversation. She also gets into conversations with people in our department regularly because it's an open office set up. I sit across from her and to her left, and our immediate supervisor sits next to me which is directly across from her.

If she were cold to most people, it wouldn't be something that I'd notice beyond her just being antisocial or, more likely, quiet.

**Earthen~Blossom** · 09-19-2013, 12:19 AM

In these situations I'll try to be cordial a few times in case I'm misinterpreting, but once I'm sure the person is purposely being stand-offish they get it right back. Actually once a girl came up to me and apologized for being like that. I had put her on ignore and she could pick up that it was in response to her behavior. Well she's pretty bytchy towards me again these days haha but I think it's a mix of jealousy/ our personalities not meshing. And I'm ok with that, not everyone is meant to be friends (or even friendly lol). Limiting your interactions with someone is better than being subject to their negative vibes.

**Scribetastic** · 09-23-2013, 10:08 PM

Originally Posted by Earthen~Blossom

In these situations I'll try to be cordial a few times in case I'm misinterpreting, but once I'm sure the person is purposely being stand-offish they get it right back. Actually once a girl came up to me and apologized for being like that. I had put her on ignore and she could pick up that it was in response to her behavior. Well she's pretty bytchy towards me again these days haha but I think it's a mix of jealousy/ our personalities not meshing. And I'm ok with that, not everyone is meant to be friends (or even friendly lol). Limiting your interactions with someone is better than being subject to their negative vibes.

Yeah, that's pretty much where I am now. With this. She's not shy. She ~might~ be social awkward, but not my problem. I won't be rude to her but I won't go out of my way. I'm too busy focusing on getting up to speed on this job.

**Soul Rebel** · 09-23-2013, 11:27 PM

Originally Posted by Scribetastic

Yeah, that's pretty much where I am now. With this. She's not shy. She's ~might~ be social awkward, but not my problem. I won't be rude to her but I won't go out of my way. I'm too busy focusing on getting up to speed on this job.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say and to me that's it in a nutshell. Who knows IF something is going on there, and if so WHAT but whatever the case it's about her, really.

I am a naturally friendly and gregarious person by nature. I don't need to be friends (in any way) outside of work but I do like to be friendLY (not friends, friendLY - there's a difference) in the workplace because if I'm going to be cooped up with folks for hours (or in the case of workplaces - days, weeks, months, years) it may as well be in an amicable environment. That said, if I meet someone who doesn't seem to want to engage in that way then I don't care that much either. I'm happy to leave them be to do whatever they need to do. I've actually had people change in a positive way towards me after feeling the Sting of the Ignore. lol