Can I Talk To You About Something...

**JadeKiss** · 06-22-2008, 11:41 AM

it's about hair. I know you're a natural so i'm hoping you understand. I've recieved a lot of flack in my family for choosing to keep my hair natural. My sisters constantly make black panther jokes, buckwheat comments, i just laugh it off and ignore them.

My mother however holds lots of bitterness and anger over my natural hair. I've called her on it before and she always denies it. Says she loves me no matter what. However I feel the tension and can cut it with a knife anytime I talk about natural hair. At one point I was thinking about locking and I think my mom nearly passed out. It's like I told her I was thinking of doing something crazy.

anyhow, after I gave birth I was feellng really low. Bored of my afro and I was having trouble keeping up with my hair since I was at the mercy of my new baby. My mom suggested I straighten my hair with the cream of death. I thought about it and thought. Maybe that's what i need to make me feel like myself again. something new.

anyhow, I did it. I loved it, it was all brand new and swinging in the wind. Most of this was done through hard hard work since for some reason my hair refused to take to the chemical fire cream. My fro quickly returned, it was evident that the next time I went in she would have to pull it through again. However a month later it lost it's luster. I decided to cancel my next appointment and stay natural.

You'd think I killed someone...
my mother has started her behaviour again and is passive aggressive anytime I talk about my hair. I mean i don't expect an apology, or an acknowledgement since she's in denial about it. But it hurts me.

I mean every daughter wants to be loved unconditionally by their parents, and since I'm just living my life the way that God made me, the way that SHE made me.... she should except me that way.

It makes me very sad. I never talked to her about my cancelled appointment, but i'm sure she knows since i'm going to a natural hair show on Sunday.

I just wish she would stop trying/making me feel like i've done something wrong. I know people say no one can make you feel that way, but when it comes from your mother, it's stressing...

sorry for the vent. I just had to talk to another natural sister about this matter. My sister thinks it's funny, I however don't.

**star13** · 06-22-2008, 12:43 PM

This your letter?
That's awful, but why not just refrain from talking about hair with your mother, there are a million other things to talk about in the world. If she brings it up just redirect the conversation or end it all together. People's family seem to treat them worse than strangers do.

**JadeKiss** · 06-22-2008, 12:51 PM

This your letter?
That's awful, but why not just refrain from talking about hair with your mother, there are a million other things to talk about in the world. If she brings it up just redirect the conversation or end it all together. People's family seem to treat them worse than strangers do.

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Yes, this is my letter. I don't bring it up and sometimes we don't even talk about it but I catch her staring at me all the time and the look says "geez...You used to be so pretty".

**~GAN~** · 06-22-2008, 12:59 PM

<span style="font-family:arial"> :hug: I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how it feels to not have support from your own mother and especially when she says hurtful things to you. All I can say is, you have to live for yourself and get to the point where even if the whole world turns your back on you or thinks you're crazy, you still can feel good about knowing you are staying true to yourself. I always felt like I had to live for my mom and do what I always thought would make her proud and I was unhappy. When she didn't approve of my marriage and chose not to go to my wedding, it hurt, but you know what, I'm happily married and now she see's she has to fight for my time. I moved on and built my life around people who do support me. Things are much better now and she has come around but if I had listened to her, I would probably still be depressed with my life. Break free from those chains and focus on you. She'll come around eventually. Since she knows you are looking for her approval, she can always use that to hang things over your head. When she sees you have your own life and what she says doesn't affect you, I bet that's when she'll start dealing with her issues. I know she loves you so when she's ready to see her baby happy at all costs, hopefully she'll come around and change. </span>

Yes, this is my letter. I don't bring it up and sometimes we don't even talk about it but I catch her staring at me all the time and the look says "geez...You used to be so pretty".
[/b]

<span style="font-family:arial">That's messed up. You know you are pretty and she's saying that just to try to control you and what you do with your hair. I don't know what her problem is but as a mother she should know better than that. <_<

ETA: Also, I learned "family" may not always be blood relatives. I saw my family as my friends who cared and supported me. My "blood" family turned their back on me while my friends didn't.</span>

**NowIamnappy** · 06-22-2008, 01:05 PM

I'm sorry this is happening to you, I know how much we want our parents support. But girl in all honestly you have to learn to love you for you. I know its hard to do but if your mom knows she has your trapped because you want her approval.In the end, your going to have to be the one that wears your hair. There's nothing worse than doubting yourself or perming your hair and then loathing it just to please someone else. Maybe things wont get better now but she's your mom so over time she will learn to accept that this is what you have chosen and that natural hair is beautiful, that you are beautiful! :wub:

**JadeKiss** · 06-22-2008, 01:30 PM

Thanks you all for the support. I feel like a little sister running to her big sis to make her feel better.

I realize that I think that part of the reason i'm so upset is that I have my own daughter now and i'd never put that kind of feeling on her, no matter what her hair looked like.

I was also sick of people looking at me like I kidnapped her and in the back of my mind I wondered if I straightened my hair if that would stop.

http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i72/Leet...ace100_3068.jpg
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i72/Leet...er/100_3056.jpg

**~GAN~** · 06-22-2008, 01:35 PM

http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i72/Leet...ace100_3068.jpg
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i72/Leet...er/100_3056.jpg
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:wub: :wub:

**JadeKiss** · 06-22-2008, 01:39 PM

:wub: :wub:
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lol.
:wub: :wub: to your little one also.

**mimi** · 06-22-2008, 01:56 PM

http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i72/Leet...ace100_3068.jpg
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i72/Leet...er/100_3056.jpg
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Your baby is so cute, i want to pinch those cheeks so much :wub: :wub: and i agree with everyone says don't look for other peoples approval of your hair or else they may turn you into someelse. Just do you.

**TheseRCurls** · 06-22-2008, 02:40 PM

I hate to hear stories like this. Good grief, it's JUST hair! Some people will never get it. They will die ignorant. Some people are brainwashed. They have this mentality that relaxed hair, straight hair is natural and therefore normal. It is NOT natural nor normal. I think more and more women are realizing that and things are changing. You see more black women with natural hair on the street, in commercials, and in the media in general. More and more haircare companies are making products for natural hair. I believe, in time, relaxed hair will become a thing of the past. I say stay strong. Be you, do you and don't worry about ignorant people. Pray for them and maybe they'll get it one day.